Hope Has Wings - levis_taller_than_me - Shingeki no Kyojin (2024)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

Eren was always cold. The hunger pains stopped bothering him long ago; his stomach seemed to hurt more having food in it than none at this point. He wished he was allowed to bathe more than once a week, especially considering he was usually used two or three times a day.

Even after all this time, Eren felt dirty afterwards. There were times – especially in the first year – where Eren was gagged and had his face covered by a motorcycle helmet during the attacks and was left alone, bleeding and numb after. Then, there were times where only one chain was left on, and Eren was touched softly and kissed while he was attacked, and he was cuddled with and held after.

After five years, Eren wasn’t sure which he preferred.

After five years, Eren couldn’t bring himself to say “rape”.

On his mattress, Eren curled in the fetal position as best he could with chains around his waist, ankle, and left wrist. He had on a pair of dingy boxers and a large t-shirt, depicting a band he never heard of. The shirt went almost to his knees, but the chain caused it to bunch up most of the time. He had a thin sheet, but there were holes in it and it was pretty much useless. He bundled it up at night and used it for a pillow, which he didn’t have.

It was October, and He was late. Eren didn’t mind – it was better than being attacked – but He didn’t turn the heat on until He got home, and He turned off all the lights and T.V’s in the house, leaving Eren in cold silence for eight to ten hours a day.

As Eren curled, he huffed on his right hand, which was numb. He lay on his left arm, his hand shackled to the wall, the chain too short to pull to the rest of his body. He rubbed his feet together, then placed his right hand between his thighs for warmth. The chains were the only sound he could hear, save for the passing cars on the street.

Eren still couldn’t believe he was six feet from one of the main streets in his neighborhood, and two blocks from his home. There were many days Eren wondered how he could break out of his chains and break the window, then run straight to his home. He spent hours daydreaming of his mother’s face, her touch, how she would hug him and kiss him and never let him go.

He thought of his father too, and wished he could have spent more time with him growing up. A part of Eren had been bitter that he had a doctor for a father, who was always gone and busy or tired and grouchy. After five years in this hell, Eren felt ashamed to have those feelings. His dad had been gone, but as a child Eren had more toys than he could remember, food, electricity, and heat any moment he wanted it, and a mother who loved and cared for him.

Eren wasn’t allowed a T.V or radio, but he knew his mother went to great lengths to find him. Candle lit vigils, missing child reports and flyers, calling the detectives and police any moment she could.

Eren knew these things because he was taken by the detective who worked on his case.

…

By the time He returned, Eren had dozed off and darkness filled his room. It was usually dark anyway since the window was covered with black out curtains and the bottom half of the window was boarded up, but Eren could usually see one or two strands of light coming through in the morning. Eren wasn’t hungry since he had been given breakfast – five saltine crackers and lukewarm orange juice – and his mop bucket that served as a toilet had been dumped that morning as well, so all Eren was concerned about was the heat turning on.

However, Eren was uneasy. He was a man who believed in plans and routines, and wouldn’t do anything without telling Eren ten times beforehand. He hosted many parties and get togethers in the time Eren had been here, and Eren had heard about them almost a month ahead of time.

“I think I’ll host a Fourth of July party this year. What do you think? Hot dogs, burgers, you know. I’m inviting everyone at work, and I may even invite your mom. How’s that sound?”

There had been many people in His house over the years, and Eren wondered if any of them had been his parents. Eren had been shown his missing persons flyer but had not been allowed to keep it, and he had seen his story in the newspaper several times. It had been almost a year since Eren had heard any news on his own disappearance and wondered if the world had forgotten about him.

But this morning, He gave Eren breakfast. Eren couldn’t remember the last time he ate breakfast, and he couldn’t remember the last time his bucket was cleaned before he was about to vomit from the smell. Eren was always told if He was going to be late, except today.

It’s probably nothing, Eren chided himself. He closed his eyes and hoped to get some more rest, but his eyes shot open when he heard two voices downstairs.

Eren couldn’t make out the first voice, but he could hear His voice perfectly.

“Thank you!” He said, so kindly it made Eren’s stomach turn. “I try to keep my home nice as possible, but it can be hard sometimes – the bachelor life, you know.”

Eren figured it was another one night stand. He got those from time to time and never held them captive, and they were always women. Eren figured liking underage boys was pretty taboo.

Eren stayed as still as possible, making sure his chains didn’t rattle. He tried that once, and he still had the scars from it. He had lost hope that someone would rescue him long ago.

However, as he heard the footsteps approach upstairs, Eren knew something wasn’t right. He slept downstairs and told people the upstairs rooms were under construction; the home was over a hundred years old so Eren figured that lie would last a lifetime. Eren was certain no one had been upstairs except one person, and his scars throbbed at the memory. Why was He bringing this person upstairs?

Eren heard His heavy footsteps and lighter ones go by his room.

“The bathroom is here,” He said. “The one downstairs is a little nasty, my apologies.”

A lot of things happened at once.

Eren realized what was going on and slammed his arm against the wall, rattling his chain. However, this was unheard due to the sound of a choked off scream, then a thud of a body hitting the floor in the next room.

From the few times he had been allowed out of his room, Eren knew the room next to his wasn’t a bathroom, but another empty room. Eren figured He had wrapped his arm around the person’s neck and choked them out – something He had done to Eren many times.

Eren wasn’t sure what to do, so he stayed silent as he heard chains, then begging, and finally gagged sobs.

The next three months would be long ones.

Chapter 2

Chapter Text

Levi sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Ten years on the team, and it was always the kids that got him.

He leaned back in his chair, forcing his eyes away from the picture of the girl he was looking for. Levi didn't like the photograph. One, it was two years old, so it was practically useless. The girl now had a lip ring, nose ring, and the top of her left ear pierced, as well as her long hair cut off. Two, the girl was sad, trying not to cry; her lip and right eye swollen.

It was the last photograph anyone could find of the girl, and Levi wasn't surprised. Being a foster kid meant not having family photographs, or pictures in general. Even when he tried looking up school photos, Levi discovered she had been absent every picture day since the fourth grade.

Figures, Levi thought. He hated using a police report photo for the kid’s missing person flyer, but it was all they had.

He still hadn’t told Erwin.

Levi stood up, ready to go home. It was after six; his husband should be home by now. As Levi walked out of his cubicle he thought of the ways he could somehow bring up this missing girl to his husband when he bumped into Detective Matthews.

“Ah!” The man said, surprised. “I didn’t see you there, Ackerman!”

“Matthews,” Levi said lowly.

“Leaving so soon?” Matthews asked sarcastically. He and Levi were the last detective’s at the Sheriff's office.

“I’m trying too,” Levi responded, walking around the taller and larger detective.

Levi did not like Luke Matthews. Even when he began working with him, Levi felt something was off. Matthews was a thirty something bachelor, living in a nice but old house near the middle of town. Matthews didn’t smoke and only drank occasionally, and Levi had never heard the man swear. He smiled often and brought in donuts every Monday. He invited people over to his house once a month or so and was well liked by everyone Levi knew.

But something in Levi’s gut told him something wasn’t right. And as a detective, you had to follow gut feelings.

Even if you didn’t have enough evidence.

“So, you really think that girl’s missing?” Luke inquired, following behind Levi.

“Yes.”

Levi was much shorter and smaller than Luke, who was six foot one and one hundred and eighty pounds or so. With calm nature and “charming” features (green eyes, brown hair beginning to turn grey, clean shaven face, and easy smile), it was Matthews that usually handled the missing children cases and the like.

However, when he was handed the missing person’s case yesterday, he turned it down. Levi accepted the case, despite Matthews wanting to give it to a new recruit. Levi much preferred robberies, rapes, and homicide, as horrible as that sounded. A missing 15 year old girl certainly wasn’t his forte, but finding out Matthews didn’t want the case made the gut feeling return.

“I just – I don’t know,” Luke said, sounding somewhat sad. “She’s bound to turn up at some point, you know? Hell, she’s ran away longer than this before.”

Levi didn’t respond as he pushed open the door leading to the parking lot.

“I still think it’s funny you two have the same last name,” Luke said thoughtfully. “You’re sure you aren’t related to her?”

“Could be,” Levi responded as he reached his car and unlocked it. “I didn’t know my father.”

“But you didn’t know her?” Luke asked, a little too quickly. They both realized this.

“Perhaps you should have taken the case if you’re so interested in it, Matthews,” Levi said briskly, entering his car.

As Levi drove away, Luke Matthews walked to his car, cursing himself.

I should have, he thought.

…

Levi pulled up to his small, brick home in a small, shitty suburb nearly a half hour from where he worked. When Levi got married, he swore he’d never live in the suburbs, own a minivan, or have children.

At least he didn’t have to drive the minivan.

Levi opened his living room door to see Ben crawling on the floor, sucking his binky happily and in his pajamas. Levi sighed.

“I thought the brat was getting placed somewhere today?” he asked, only a hint of disappointment in his voice.

“Hello to you too,” Erwin said, coming from the side kitchen and wrapping his arms around his husband, placing a kiss on the smaller man’s forehead.

“Sorry,” Levi said, sinking in to Erwin’s chest. “Long day.”

“Tell me about it,” Erwin sighed. “Ben shit in the bathtub when I was giving him a bath, then pissed on me when I was drying him off.”

“Gross,” Levi smirked, lifting his face to receive a proper kiss.

“Yeah,” Erwin said with a smile, accepting the kiss. “And he did get placed, he just won’t be leaving until tomorrow.”

“In county?”

“Nah. New couple in Newton. First foster kid.”

“Huh. Hell of a lot smarter than we were.”

Erwin smirked, kissing Levi again, a little deeper. Levi melted into his husbands kiss, opening his mouth. Once Ben was placed in his crib, Levi and Erwin made love in their bedroom, quickly and quietly. Being foster parents meant sacrificing a lot, including romance and time alone. While babies were much easier than rebellious teenagers or confused toddlers, a foster parent’s sex life – or any parents sex life – quickly diminishes.

Levi had been stretched quickly and not enough to make Erwin entering him exactly pleasant, but he wasn’t concerned. He dug his nails in Erwin’s shoulders, suppressing a mix of moans and gasps. Erwin was trying to be quick but not painful, which led to uneven thrusts and movements.

“Fuck, Erwin, I’m fine,” Levi whispered, thrusting himself downward.

“Excuse me for wanting to make sure your asshole doesn’t tear,” Erwin smirked.

“My asshole is a little stronger than that,” Levi responded, getting frustrated.

“Don’t I know it,” Erwin purred, thrusting deep inside his husband, making Levi hiss and arch his back. Erwin kissed Levi’s neck, licking his way to his ear. “God, I love you.”

…

Levi stood in the shower, letting the water run down his body. His head hurt, his back ached, and now his ass was sore.

As he shampooed his short, black hair, he fussed at himself for still not telling Erwin about the missing girl.

He and Erwin were foster parents, but only offered a temporary home to children – as in, a week or less. As terrible as it sounds, most kids were out of their home before Levi could learn their name, and he liked it that way.

Living an hour away from one of the largest cities in the state meant there often more foster children than homes, and often times children needed to leave an abusive/neglectful situation immediately, even if there wasn’t a home available. Levi and Erwin offered these children a home until proper paperwork was filled out and a home was available. Despite it being illegal, most foster homes could “squeeze in” another child despite being over the limit of children, out of the goodness of their hearts – and an extra paycheck.

Foster parents weren’t millionaires, but could live well off the checks they received from the children, especially if they weren’t spending the money on the children. Surprisingly, “problem” children were just as “profitable” as infants, although Levi and Erwin never concerned themselves with the money.

Erwin was a social worker and worked with children who had suffered sexual abuse. Levi never asked about his husbands cases; partially because it was none of his business and partially because he didn’t want to know. When Erwin discovered many children in abusive homes were forced to live with family – who may also be abusive - until a foster home was found, he discussed with Levi about getting their foster parent license and opening a “hope home” – a home for children who had suffered sexual abuse and needed a home to stay. They both had many great ideas, but with the lack of proper funding, they decided to be a temporary foster home instead.

Levi barely had time to dry off before he heard Ben crying. Wearing only his boxers, Levi made his way to the nursery.

“What’s the problem?” He asked softly as he entered the room.

Ben was standing, using his crib for support. His knees wiggled, then he fell. Ben let out a frustrated wail as Levi made his way to him.

“Sucks, huh?” Levi whispered, picking up the baby and laying him against his chest. Ben struggled, wanting to crawl around. “Nope. Erwin told me you only had a little nap. I know you’re tired.”

Levi held the child close, humming and patting the child’s bottom until he fell back asleep. Levi laid him down in his crib and turned on the mobile, hoping if Ben woke up again he’d get bored and fall back asleep.

Levi did not watch the child sleep. He did not want the child’s fist around his finger and he did not want to feel how soft his dark hair was. That’s what Erwin was for. Erwin was the sentimental one, asking their favorite color or what shows they liked to children who would be gone the next day. Levi knew it meant a lot to the children, but Levi himself couldn’t risk getting attached.

Levi crawled into bed next to Erwin, who was asleep. Levi was relieved, but knew he would have to tell Erwin eventually. If he wasn’t so preoccupied with Ben Erwin would have noticed something was wrong the day before.

Levi sighed, knowing it would break his husband’s heart.

Three months ago, they had gotten a call asking to shelter a teenage girl. She had run away from a group home and been found, but had gotten into a physical altercation with another girl as well as stolen some alcohol from one of the group babysitter’s “car”. (Levi and Erwin both knew group home babysitters were usually college kids looking for community service and often offered drugs or alcohol by means of reward for passing on good reports of them).

It had been late at night and Erwin and Levi already had a five year old and just had a “problem” child the week before who stabbed holes in his mattress with a screwdriver, and to be honest Levi wasn’t in the mood to go through that again.

“I’m sorry,” he had said. “We’re pretty busy with the kid we have now.”

It wasn’t the first time they turned down a kid, so Levi wasn’t particularly bothered by it and after a day or so Erwin wasn’t either. However, they both remembered this girl because she had the same last name as Levi, although he was certain they weren’t related.

Her name was Mikasa Rose Ackerman, and she was now a missing person.

Levi did not sleep that night.

Chapter 3

Chapter Text

Eren shifted his weight, the chain pressing into his ribs. He tried to be quiet, but it was nearly impossible. Judging by her breathing, Eren figured Mikasa wasn’t asleep anyway.

They slept back to back, chained together by the waist. They each had a separate ankle chain tied to the radiator in the room, and Eren’s arm chain had been removed.

It had been a long three months, but Eren was glad he had Mikasa.

He felt guilty for his small joy in having a friend after all these years.

Eren wasn’t sure what to make of the teenager, who was taller than him and looked mean. She had short black hair and some facial piercings – that He made her take out – and she had been wearing a black shirt and tight pants when they met, as well as men’s boots. He bought her more clothes that He felt were more appropriate – collared sweaters and pleated skirts, as well as stockings and clip on bows.

Eren was a little jealous of the attention she had received, but at the same time he felt sorry for her.

Mikasa didn’t know when to be good.

She struggled when he put clothes on her, she fought when he attacked her, and she even spit on him. Because of this, Mikasa had more than several bruises on her dark skin, swollen lips, and complained to Eren of her shoulder hurting.

She never complained to Him, but she cried at night when she thought Eren was asleep. She called Him a bastard and worse names when He was home, because when He was at work she still had to wear a motorcycle helmet and be chained in her own room to make sure she didn’t communicate with Eren.

Eren still did not understand why Mikasa was here. He attacked them both on regular occasions, but He made them refer to each other as siblings when He was around, and even though He never made them call Him their father, He referred to them as a “family.”

Mikasa said He was crazy when they were chained together at night. They had to whisper to communicate to make sure He didn’t wake up, and there was a small part of Eren that enjoyed these late night talks.

Eren sighed, excepting the fact he would not go to sleep anytime soon.

“Mikasa?”

“Hm?”

“Um. How are you feeling?”

Five years alone made Eren unsure around this girl and nervous about how to start conversations. Even though he liked Mikasa, he usually waited for her to initiate conversation.

“Like shit. You heard what He did,” Mikasa responded, very matter of fact. Mikasa’s bluntness awed and startled Eren, but he couldn’t explain why.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

There was a silence after that, and neither knew what to say. Mikasa wanted to tell Eren everything, but she was afraid. She was afraid this psychotic bastard would kill her and Eren would only know her bad side, and she didn’t want that.

It was true, though, that Eren heard what He did. Eren heard it every time it happened, and it made him sick. He wanted to do something, to save her – but a small, tiny part of Eren was glad it wasn’t him. Eren knew it would happen to him sooner or later, but at that moment, Eren was safe.

Eren could not rid himself of the guilt he felt.

“Eren?”

“Yeah?”

“When did you give up?”

Again with the bluntness. Eren bit his lip, unsure what to say. After a moment, he decided on the truth.

“There was...one time. He was having a party or something and someone came upstairs. I had the motorcycle helmet on so I tried beating my chain against the wall." Eren paused, the scars on his back throbbing. "He found out and...I never tried after that.”

Mikasa and Eren fell asleep back to back, but Mikasa offered her hand to Eren, and when he woke up the next morning their fingers were still entwined.

…

Levi stretched, regretting not getting a cup of coffee. He was tired, and wondered if he was doing enough.

Levi stared at Mikasa’s last bedroom, but there was no evidence left. She had been in a foster home, and even though her foster parents reported her missing, they still had a job to do. In the three months Mikasa had been gone, four other girls had occupied this bedroom.

“Sir?”

Levi turned around to see the foster mother, peeking through the door.

“Yes?”

“Would you like to see her belongings now?”

Levi shook his head, feeling a bit like a fool. He was still new to this case and felt like he was running in circles. He opened the door and followed the foster mother through the hall and to the kitchen. There, two boys sat at the table eating crackers. One boy had a shaved head – in an attempt to hide a scar on his scalp – and the other had eyes that had seen too much.

“Are you a police officer?” the bald one asked.

“I’m a detective,” Levi answered kindly.

“Where’s your magnifying glass, then?” the other asked, squinting his eyes at Levi.

The foster mother shushed the boys, but Levi smiled.

“I keep it in my trench coat.”

Levi followed the foster mother to the door that lead to the garage. There, amidst boxes of Christmas decorations and toys, were two clear containers labeled, “Mikasa”.

“I couldn’t just throw them out,” she explained. “She didn’t have much, and she didn’t have anyone I could return them to.”

“Thank you very much for keeping these. It’s very kind and I’m sure Mikasa will appreciate it.”

“Is she…do you have any idea where she is?”

Levi turned to face the woman. She was older than he, perhaps in her fifties. She was divorced and had no kids of her own. Honestly, she had been Levi’s first suspect. However, this changed when Levi discovered she had reported Mikasa missing the day she hadn’t returned home, and after today’s interview Levi was left with the same gut feeling about Luke Matthews.

“I don’t,” Levi answered, honestly. “There’s a good chance she ran away, and I’m hoping something in her personal belongings will help me.”

“Why did it take so long for you to come out?”

Levi sighed. “I can’t tell you. I was given this case the other day and I’m doing the best I can. I already put her picture in newspapers and online – “

“But she could be dead now!” the mother whispered harshly, in case the boys in the next room were eavesdropping. “I told you guys I had a bad feeling, and I was all but laughed at.”

“Can you tell me who you spoke to?” Levi asked, although he had a feeling he already knew.

“Luke Matthews. He told me if she had run away before she probably just did it again, and he would search for her later. He took down her description, but I never got a call back or anything. I contacted the state and they said all I could do was call the police. I called Mr. Matthews every day, but he stopped answering.”

All of this was new information to Levi and it was enough to get Matthews in serious trouble, but not enough to incriminate him.

“Mikasa…wasn’t a bad girl,” she said quietly. “She was quiet, but she had such kind eyes.”

“I’m sure she was. If you don’t mind, I’m going to search her things now.”

Levi hated to be blunt, but he did not want to hear Mikasa’s story again. He heard it from her, from the last foster parents, from police reports – it was as if everyone knew her story, but not her.

Levi opened the first container, which seemed to have her clothes. Indeed, there wasn’t much – a few pairs of panties and two bras, a coat, and a small mix of jeans and t-shirts. He checked the pockets of the jeans and coat, and other than a blue lighter and several chewing gum wrappers, Levi found nothing.

The other box had a mix of Mikasa’s things, including a brush and hairdryer, two pairs of boots, a backpack, and a few books. Levi picked up the hairbrush and, after making sure it had strands of Mikasa’s hair, decided to take it with him.

There wasn’t much in this box either, but something felt off to the man. He checked the first box again, but he hadn’t missed anything.

Where was her toothbrush? Deodorant? Levi had checked her health records and there was none saying she was on birth control, so wouldn’t she need feminine products? Mikasa didn’t seem like the type to carry a purse, but wouldn’t she still need a wallet? And of course – where was her cell phone?

Levi’s head began to pulse.

What if she had run away after all? What if she told her foster mother she was going to the library – where she was supposed to be going the day she disappeared - and ran away?

Levi rubbed his temples, breathing heavily. Sighing, he decided to check her backpack, wondering if she may have had some evidence in her school work.

When Levi lifted the backpack, he was surprised at its heaviness. Didn’t the girl have a locker?

When Levi unzipped the backpack, he knew Mikasa indeed had a locker.

Inside the backpack were more panties and other bra, as well as more clothes. There was a box of pads and a Ziplock bag with a toothbrush and floss. A small, black wallet was at the very bottom, complete with Mikasa’s ID, social security card, insurance card, and sixty seven dollars. Levi also found a retainer case as well as a box of condoms.

Fuck, Levi thought.

Mikasa had wanted to run away all right. She just didn’t get the chance.

After searching through the clothes, Levi discovered a composition book hidden in the leg of her pants. He flipped to the first page.

Fuck this place, it read, in small letters. There are too many people and it’s too loud, and the volunteers are just here to look good. I doubt they have any good weed.

It was dated four months ago – while Mikasa was in the group home.

Gotcha, Levi thought with a smile.

Chapter 4

Chapter Text

Levi moved his reading glasses to the top of his head and rubbed his eyes. He avoided looking at the clock on the stove. Judging by how tired he felt and the pain in his back, it had to be 2 a.m or later.

Erwin stretched beside him, his large arms over his head as he yawned.

“You should go to bed,” Levi murmured, avoiding his husband’s eye. Levi slipped his glasses back on and continued reading the composition book he found in Mikasa’s pants earlier that day.

Erwin remained silent.

Levi was not the most eloquent with words. He was good at not letting his emotions get the best of him, sometimes to the point that he forgot others had feelings. Levi had told Erwin about Mikasa’s disappearance just hours before, while heaving the clear containers on the kitchen table.

Erwin had cried and Levi comforted him the best he could, but Levi could tell Erwin was still shaken. Levi was upset as well, he just hid it better.

Levi continued reading the teenager’s diary. He wasn’t the best reader and honestly wasn’t very interested in a 15 year old’s life, but Levi was desperate.

I feel like shit. I think I’m getting sick. School sucks. I can’t find a few of my classes still so I just skip them. I’m in 10th grade for the second time so everyone figures I’m stupid any way. I’ll move in a few weeks, or run away. I don’t know yet. It’s not as bad as the group home.

Levi flipped the page, avoiding the writing tablet and pencil in front of him. He had started taking notes about Mikasa’s life, but in the last 20 pages or so Levi had come across a dead trail. Books she wanted to read, stupid homework assignments, the unjustness of having braces, spoiled foster siblings.

I fucking hate this, she wrote on the next page, dated the next day. It’s like I can still feel them, all of them at once. I see them in my dreams and I feel them when I’m awake.

Levi’s palms began to sweat.

I can see my dad and hear my mom. Dead, dead, they’re already dead but I hear my mom. She told me to run but I failed.

Her handwriting was shaky and uneven, some words overlapping the lines on the page and running together.

I feel the men on top of me. I feel them tearing me open and I feel my blood. It’s always like I’m watching from third person but I still feel it. I can hear the police coming. I can hear them telling me I’m lucky, because if they hadn’t raped me they would have killed me, and they’d probably be gone before the police arrived. I was lucky.

Levi’s fingers gripped the pages, the same pages Mikasa poured her deepest secrets into.

My first foster parents made us sleep in the shed and drink from the garden hose. I lived with them for six months and learned more from the older kids than anything in school. I learned how to roll a joint and not to expect anything from the state. I learned to never owe a foster parent anything, even though they get paid to care for us. So I wasn’t surprised when my second foster father liked little girls. I heard he’s been arrested but I didn’t bother going to trial. No one would believe me, and it’s not like I was going to talk about it. Mom told me to run, and everyone else did too. Running is all I know.

Erwin got up and made his way to the coffee maker.

“We both have a day off tomorrow and no kids, and we’re staying up thinking about work. We’re officially old men.”

Levi chuckled as best he could. He made a few notes, surprised that his hand was shaking. So far the most Mikasa had gone into about her life was the fight at the group home between Mikasa and a volunteer, who threatened to tell one of the group leader’s Mikasa was selling marijuana. Mikasa had gotten a bottle of Jack Daniels out of the girl’s bag and brought it to the group leader, but she ran into the volunteer first.

Mikasa never stated weather or not she sold marijuana, but Levi was suspicious of where the money in her wallet came from. All the foster families said she was a “quiet girl” and didn’t have complaints, especially concerning theft.

“Go to bed,” Levi said, stifling a yawn. “You don’t have to stay up. I told you that.”

“I know,” Erwin said, watching the coffee brew, his back to his husband. “I was just thinking about those books of hers.”

“Hm?”

Levi glanced at the three books to his side, where his husband had been sitting. The Outsiders, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, and Breaking Night. A classic, a crime novel, and a memoir. Knowing Mikasa enjoyed reading Levi didn’t bother looking into the books and figured they were what she collected over time.

“They’re all about kids who went through really bad times, but came out pretty good in the end,” Erwin said offhandedly. “Well, I’m not sure about Lisbeth, but, you know. She came out pretty tough, could fend for herself. You know.”

“You think Mikasa thought like that?”

“I think all kids in foster care do. At least they hope for it.”

Levi could not think of a response, and neither spoke of Levi referring to Mikasa in past tense.

…

Morning came quickly, and Levi woke up in his bed. Erwin was asleep next to him, and Levi looked past his husband to the alarm clock on the bedside table.

It was after 11 in the morning.

Levi didn’t remember getting into bed and figured Erwin carried him to bed. It wouldn’t be the first time.

Levi got out of bed slowly and headed to the kitchen. Mikasa’s things were at the table, exactly where he had left them. Levi poured a bowl of cereal and began to read Mikasa’s diary. Levi did not want to read any more, but he felt obligated too. He did not tell Erwin he thought he knew where she was, but he still had a feeling Matthews was responsible.

Levi would not tell anyone until he knew for sure.

He just hoped it wasn’t too late.

I like her, I guess. She’s old, but she feeds me too much and gives me space, so I guess there won’t be a problem.

This passage was dated two weeks before her disappearance.

I have a bag packed, just in case she wants to trick me to her grandsons or something. I don’t know. I like being ready.

The next passage was three days before she went missing.

She lets me walk to the library, even though it’s kinda far. She offers to drive me and I let her sometimes. I think it makes her feel important. I like to walk though. I like getting fresh air and knowing the area I’m living in.

Smart girl, Levi thought.

I’m thinking about asking her for a ride or two this week. I just don’t want her asking questions. I keep telling her the books are for school and I’m doing research there too. I don’t like owing her anything but every time I go I see this guy. He’s asked me if I wanted a ride twice.

Levi’s heart was thumping in his ears.

I told him no. He seems nice enough, but I think it’s creepy he’s always there. I don’t know, maybe he works in the area or something. I could just be paranoid, but for all I know he could be hiding a body in the trunk of his Sunfire.

Levi’s heart stopped.

I never liked those cars. I heard them called a poor man’s Ferrari once, but who am I to judge? At least his is a nice color – hell, at least he has a car.

Luke Matthews drove a 1990 Pontiac Sunfire – sporty, but not too flashy, he said. Matthews also had it painted a pearl color about six months ago and had the interior redone.

Levi’s cereal was soggy, but he had lost his appetite. He had thought it was Matthews – part of him knew it was Matthews – but now that he had this information Levi felt sick.

It wasn’t solid evidence, of course. Levi knew that. There wasn’t a tag number, year, or a certain color of the car wrote down – there wasn’t even a description of the man who drove the car.

Levi felt sick and frustrated. He hadn’t told Erwin that he suspected Matthews of anything, not since the party they had been invited to four years before.

It was true Levi had been drinking, but he could handle his own liquor and his husband knew that. Levi wasn’t social, even with the people he worked with, but he left that part to Erwin. No one noticed when Levi left to find a bathroom upstairs.

Levi had been surprised to find that the upstairs wasn’t as nice as the downstairs, but Matthews had told everyone a few rooms upstairs were being remodeled. Levi had to piss and figured, worse case scenario, he’d piss in a bathroom sink. Levi needed to get away from the crowd.

Once upstairs, Levi leaned against a door. After looking down the hall and seeing the other doors looked the same, he figured he’d try his luck with the door he was leaning against.

It was locked.

Levi looked at the doorknob and saw that it was new – much newer than anything in the upstairs.

Levi was unsettled and rattled the doorknob, but was unsure as to why. He was a little drunk and still had to piss and it was loud downstairs, but Levi was certain he heard something in the room. A rattling, something moving –

“Levi!” Matthews had said, placing a hand on Levi’s shoulders – roughly, but possibly by accident. “Erwin said you needed to use my bathroom. I’m sorry, the only one I have is downstairs.”

“Uh – “ Levi’s voice was slurred, his thinking slow.

“Come downstairs! I need to hear more about this – this home you and your husband want to open?”

Levi left the room, a deep guilt in his stomach, a feeling that had not went away.

Levi cringed at the memory. He had been to Matthews home several times over the years, but always with other people and never had the chance to go upstairs again.

Levi wondered what his next move should be. His shoulders sagged and he rested his head in his hands. After a moment he moved his cereal bowl to the side and flipped to the next page of her diary, only to find it blank. He flipped through a few more and found something worth more than words.

A photograph was stuck between several of the last pages. One of the corners was torn and it was horribly wrinkled, some creases had been worn to white. In the photograph was a brown haired man kissing the cheek of an Asian woman, who was holding a toddler and smiling brightly. The man had his arms around the woman’s waist, bringing she and the child as close to him as possible. The woman held the toddler in both arms, and only a part of the child’s face could be seen. She appeared to be sucking her thumb.

Levi held the photograph for a long time. He wondered if Mikasa’s family was always this happy, as happy as they seemed the moment that picture was taken.

Levi returned the photograph to its safe place, along with Mikasa’s other private thoughts and secrets.

…

That night, Detective Matthews led Mikasa and Eren down to the kitchen, free of their chains for at least a half hour.

Mikasa wore a yellow dress to her knees with cap sleeves, complete with white stockings and yellow flats with bows at the tip. The shoes were a little too tight, but Matthews had said that was her fault - how was he supposed to know her feet were so big?

Eren wore a thin button down and black jeans. He did not have shoes or socks. His hair had been cut clumsily; random jags itched his ears and neck and a few strands were in his eyes. He knew better than to complain.

Dinner was meatloaf with green beans and biscuits. Mikasa and Eren sat next to each other across from Matthews and held hands as they said grace.

"Thank you for our food, Father," Matthews said. " Thank you for providing for us. Thank you for bringing me a beautiful family, and please give me the strength to lead Mikasa off a wayward path as I have Eren."

Mikasa and Eren held each others hands tighter than Matthews.

The teens ate in silence, but Luke had no problem filling it by discussing his day. Mikasa and Eren ate what little their abductor put on their plate and knew it would do no good to ask for more.

They ate "as a family" on Sunday nights, and could only eat what they were given. If they ate too quickly they were scolded (Eren for being rude, Mikasa for being unladylike) and if they ate too little Matthews would only feed them crackers and bread for the rest of the week. Eren hadn't been punished like that for a long time, but Mikasa was still stubborn.

When Matthews starved her he said it was for her own good because she needed to loose weight. Eren would save what little food he could hiding it in his bed sheets and gave it to the girl at night. It was because of this that Mikasa began trusting Eren.

After Matthews was finished, he reached across the table to rub Mikasa's hand. Mikasa glared at him.

"That isn't a very pretty face you know," he whispered with a smile.

Mikasa physically bit her tongue and Eren brushed his fingers across her knee under the table. Matthews smile grew wider.

"Well now," he said, satisfaction in his voice. "Someone's acting like a lady. I think you deserve a kiss."

Luke rose and leaned across the table.

"Fuck off."

Mikasa hissed the words, her abductor only inches from her mouth. Luke's eyebrows rose, but he did not move.

"I seem to have misjudged you."

Luke calmly sat down and wiped his mouth, then his hands. He rose and moved the food from the center of the table.

Eren had seen this ritual before.

"I'll kiss you," Eren offered. "Y-you haven't kissed me in a long time."

Mikasa glanced at Eren, her stomach sick.

"Now's no time to be jealous, son," Luke said, walking to Mikasa.

Mikasa was lifted by her hair, the other hand slapped over her mouth to cover her scream. Her body was slammed on the table and her breath was taken.

Before she could recover, her dress was up and her stockings were down, and Matthews loomed over her, his hand still pressed against her mouth. Mikasa tasted blood and felt herself painfully give way to him.

Eren closed his eyes and covered his ears. His chest burned and his throat tightened, and when he opened his eyes he was in his bedroom, Mikasa rubbing his hair.

"It's okay," she soothed him, wiping his tears with her other hand. "I'm okay. You gotta breathe, Eren."

Eren did as he was told. He was good at that.

Neither slept that night. They tried thinking of ways to save each other from pain, but neither had good answers.

Chapter 5

Chapter Text

Armin sat in the wooden chair and stared at the cubicle. He nervously played with his blonde hair, which was starting to get too long again. There were no pictures in the makeshift office and the harsh light made the neutral color of the walls appear blander.

Armin wondered if he was wasting his time. It was his first day off in over a week, he had a half finished paper due in twelve hours, and he was an hour away from his apartment because he lost his wallet.

This is what I get, Armin thought to himself. I want to get away for a day and loose something. It figures.

Armin had gone straight to the local police station and spoke to a detective, who directed him to his cubicle. The detective seemed nice enough – a little too nice, but Armin figured he only thought that because he had lived in the city too long. If he had lost his wallet there he would have been laughed at when he admitted there was only three dollars in his wallet when it was misplaced. In the suburbs, it seemed, losing a wallet was criminal matter.

The detective returned, carrying two cups of coffee as he promised. He smiled as he handed Armin his, and the blonde thanked him.

“My, a young man with manners,” the detective replied, surprised. “That’s always nice to come by.”

Armin blushed; he was never one to take praise lightly. He sipped his coffee, surprised that the detective remembered what he asked for – four scoops of cream and six cups of sugar. Armin was surprised he had been offered coffee at all and wondered if it was just because the man felt sorry for him.

“So, you lost your wallet?” The detective – Matthews, Armin remembered – said, bringing his hands together and resting his chin on them. “I’m sorry to hear that. I know you didn’t have much money in it, but I’m sure you had your license?”

Luke Matthews had searched the boy on a computer while he waited in his office. He had no criminal record at all, and Matthews was curious to know his age. The long, blonde hair, short stature, and beautiful blue eyes made him appear barely a teen, but you can never be too sure.

“Yeah,” Armin replied. “I kept everything in my wallet. I had my insurance card and student ID t – “

“Oh, you’re a student!” Matthews interrupted. “Do you go to Lakewood High?”

“Uh – no. I’m actually a student at State.”

Armin wasn’t offended to be mistaken for a high school student – he was 16 after all. He had skipped a grade and finished high school early, and he was granted emancipation on his 16th birthday after being accepted into college and living in the dorms.

Luke smiled, and Armin could feel his ears turning red. He was extremely uncomfortable.

"Congratulations!" the detective said, in awe. "Your parents must be so proud."

Armin dropped eye contact and shifted in his chair.

"Uh - my parents actually passed away, and so did my granddad - and, the wallet I lost was actually given to me by my granddad. So, that's why I really want it back."

Armin knew it was a lot of information to take in at once, but something felt off about the way the detective looked at him. Armin brushed it off as Luke began reviewing Armin's information, figuring the older man felt sorry for him.

"And is the phone number you gave me an updated one?"

"Yes," Armin answered. "And I always have my phone on."

"And can I get your address, please?"

"Uh, I live a dorm at State," Armin began, but he was interrupted.

"Oh - never mind that then," the detective said, a little harshly."I know how difficult it is to study in a dorm, and I'd hate to bother you or others. Can I get a place where you work?"

"Uh - yeah. I work in the library on campus."

Armin's uneasiness returned - were all these questions necessary?

"Oh, that must be nice. Is it close enough to walk back to your dorm?"

"I drive," Armin lied. "I'm usually tired after work."

"Ah, I understand," Luke smiled. The blonde was lying - or nervous. He avoided the older man's eye only several times, but he hadn't darted them away so quickly before. "Now, can I get the hours and days you work? If, for any reason, I can't get a hold of your cell."

"Isn't this a bit much?" Armin asked, his voice low. His fingers gripped his coffee, not wanting to upset the man trying to help him but wanting the feeling in his stomach to go away.

Luke Matthews sighed.

"I suppose," he said. Luke set down his pen and paper and leaned back in his chair.

It was his turn to lie.

"You know, I lost my parents too when I was younger," Luke said softly. "I was in foster care for years and hated that my things got lost and left behind - especially the things that were sentimental. So, in a way, I understand your loss - it isn't a great one to some, but it's still a little memory you'd like to get back, right?"

Armin shook his head, not trusting his voice. He felt guilty, but his nervousness had not subsided. Luke Matthews stood and Armin did as well.

"I'll be sure to keep you updated, alright?" Matthews said, leading the blonde out the door. "And I'll lead you around back. It's only for emergency use, but it's closer to the parking lot - and I'm sure you need to get to your dorm."

When Armin got to his car he set the coffee in the drink holder and tried to calm his nerves. He did a few breathing exercises and tried to think logically.

I'm just upset about loosing my wallet, he thought. I'm just upset and shaken and my anxiety is acting up. That's all.

Armin drove out of the parking lot slowly and waved to Detective Matthews, who was still outside. Armin figured he was on break and wanted some air and told himself to stop worrying.

Luke Matthews couldn't believe how easy this one would be. The kid was smart, sure, but clueless and a loner - Matthews could tell. The kid had to have gotten a decent check from the college from being accepted so young and being so intelligent; he probably only worked on campus as some form of study program or because he actually enjoyed it.

A small, young kid in college who's only family is dead, sticks to himself, and has a decent amount of money. It's his first year in school and he breaks from the pressure, takes his money, and bails.

Of course, they'd look for him. But in the state's biggest city, there were too many places. Luke thought about the flyers, the news coverage - it was the chase that drove the man. Luke wanted nothing to do with the girl's case because that wouldn't have been fun. He gave it to a new detective in hopes of excitement of watching the man chase circles, but Ackerman had been given it.

Luke's eye twitched.

Levi didn't know anything, he was certain. He had been drunk the night he almost opened Eren's door, and Mikasa's case could be labeled a simple run away once Levi got something more important to do.

Luke was a little disappointed Mikasa's case hadn't been exciting has he thought, but that's what he got for getting an easy target. He wondered if the blonde would be more like Mikasa or Eren in terms of excitement, or -

No, Luke thought. No.

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose hard enough to leave a mark. He leaned against the building and commanded himself to breathe, not think.

The first two had been accidents. He had learned, and promised to do right by the others. As far as Luke was concerned, he was doing right by Eren and Mikasa, and he would do right by Armin.

Rage filled the man quickly. How could he be so ungrateful? How could he loose something so important to him? How could he choose to live in a dorm and away from a possible adoptive family who would love him?

Why didn't Armin want Luke to be his father?

Matthews was breathing heavy, the thoughts whirring in his mind.

Did Armin not think he'd be a good enough father? Did he think he'd be better on his own than with a family? Intelligence or not, the blonde was no better than Eren - a spoiled, ungrateful brat - or Mikasa - a slut with an attitude.

But it was okay, Luke reminded himself. It was okay because he would rescue Armin just as he did Eren and Mikasa and -

No, no, no, Luke chided himself. Those two didn't count.

They didn't exist.

Luke was calm now that he had a plan. He memorized the boy's tag number and the model of the car. He wasn't sure of the year, but Luke would recognize it.

When he made his way to his office, he tore the paper containing Armin's information off and put it in his pocket. The report Armin filled out went in the garbage.

Luke sighed. The camera at the front desk had been glitching the past few days, and he offered to fix them later that afternoon. He may "accidentally" erase a few minutes of that morning, but if the camera is fixed there shouldn't be a problem. There were no cameras down the hall where Armin exited, so he wasn't worried about that.

And best yet, Ackerman took the day off.

Luke smiled, wondering if the case was getting to him yet. It didn't matter, he supposed. Luke hadn't been seen with Mikasa and now he hadn't been seen with Armin.

He was an innocent man, and he was doing the right thing.

...

Armin felt himself jerking and weaving, and he felt hazy, like he was waking up from a bad dream. The world swirled around him, and nothing made sense. He saw a small light, and a wall - was he home? Was he home, and sick, and the past few years were just fever dreams? Armin smiled and drifted again.

When he gained consciencness, there was only a small light in the room. He heard something, but it seemed distant.

"You're awake," a voice said. It was soft but too close. Armin could see a face, but it was a blur. He tried to open his mouth, but it felt swollen and fuzzy.

"Shhh," the man said, bringing something to Armin's lips. Liquid dripped into Armin's mouth and he swallowed, thankful for the cold water. After a moment his mind seemed to clear, but only slightly.

"Armin, you've been very bad," the man whispered, running his fingers through the blonde's hair. "But it's okay. I can fix you."

Armin felt sick. His head hurt and he was confused. Bits of memory came to him - wasn't he walking to his dorm? It was raining and someone offered a ride -

The detective from the week before.

Armin jerked upwards, only to be greeted by a harsh throb in his forehead and a pain in his wrist - a handcuff?

Suddenly a weight fell on Armin's hips and his breath caught in his throat. He could feel a hardness on his middle and the man's entire body was on him, his lips over Armin's.

Time happened both quickly and slowly. Armin's mind was still hazy, but he could feel every ounce of pain that entered his body - and the horrendous pleasure that was forced out of him.

When it was over, Armin was naked and dirty by his own finish and Luke's, as well as sweat and blood. He wanted either a shower or to be killed, but he did not ask. He had begged and prayed as he was raped, but his pleas and prayers had fallen on deaf ears.

...

Mikasa lay sleepy in the next room, holding Eren's hand as tightly as she could. Matthews had made them take sleeping medicine because he felt that they weren't getting enough rest. Eren was knocked out within a half hour, but Mikasa was mearly drowsy. She started taking sleeping pills and syrup when she was twelve and had built up an immunity over the years.

She was not asleep, but so tired. She wanted to drift off to the safety of her dreams, but who ever was in the next room did not have that option. It sounded like a boy, but she couldn't be sure. Did it matter?

She wished she could save who ever had taken her place. She wanted to hold them and tell them they would be okay, but she had never been a good liar.

Chapter 6

Chapter Text

Armin couldn’t remember when he stopped speaking to his mother. She spoke and listened to herself, and that’s just how it was. They lived under the same roof, yet weeks passed between conversations. He would come home from school to see her still in bed, the house a mess and she too.

Armin stopped telling her to bathe and started taking over house duties when he was ten, but by the time he was twelve the state intervened.

“We’re taking your mom to see a doctor,” the police said. Armin’s mother had to be sedated and handcuffed to get her out of the house; she had thought the police were robbers and tried to stab them. “She isn’t very well.”

Armin knew.

He was kept in county to visit his mother every week. Some days she knew him, other days she didn’t. Some visits she didn’t speak.

“It’s the medication,” the doctors explained. “We have to see what helps. It just takes a little while.”

“Will it be cured?” Armin asked. “Or just helped?”

Everyone knew, but no one answered.

Armin received letters every now and then, his mother telling him she was away in France or on vacation at the Bahama’s. She apologized for leaving, but she always promised she’d be home soon.

She would later commit suicide when Armin was fourteen and in the eleventh grade. In her note, she asked for her son to please be taken care of – he enjoyed reading “Goodnight Moon” before bed.

She did not know how old her own son was.

Schizophrenia: A brain disorder in which people interpret reality abnormally.

How could it be summed up in nine words? Armin never understood, but he never stopped searching. He wanted answers – how, why?

He had some memories, but they were distorted and he didn’t even know if they were real or not, but they were so comforting.

Armin cuddled to his mother’s bust, his mother smelling clean and so soft, and the blankets were warm. She kissed his forehead and she…

She…

All Armin wanted was to wake up and for everything to be a dream, but the stars were not in his favor.

His whole body was sore, and despite being asleep – or fainting – he felt so, so tired. It was too hot and he was naked, still sticky with things he didn’t want to imagine. The ceiling was blurry and his throat felt dry.

If he were stronger, he would have jumped when he felt coolness touch his forehead.

“He’s burning up,” a voice said. Armin turned his head to see a girl in a purple dress. A skinny boy was next to her and if it wasn’t for the chain connecting them at the waist Armin would have thought they were there to help him.

“I wasn’t aware you were a doctor, Mikasa,” a voice said from the corner. Armin knew who it was and his stomach tightened.

“I’m not a fucking idiot,” the girl snapped – making Armin wince. His head still hurt. “He needs a doctor.”

A door slammed, and Armin groaned and closed his eyes. The floor creaked next to him and he heard chains rattle. He felt a cool hand on his cheek.

“You gotta listen to me, okay?”

Armin opened his eyes. The girl’s eyes were dark and had a hardness to them, but her hands and voice were soft. Armin listened.

“I’m Mikasa. This is Eren.”

The boy connected to Mikasa waved and smiled, as if being introduced to a school friend. Armin wondered what Eren’s current mental state was.

“We’re in a bad spot right now,” Mikasa continued. “But right now I’m worried about you. Have you been sick?”

“Yeah,” Armin replied, his voice cracking. His lips felt dry and he could feel his handcuff around his wrist. It felt hot instead of cool. Armin remembered feeling ill in class two days before –

Armin began retching and vomited on Mikasa as she helped him raise up.

“I’m so sorry,” Armin heaved, his head resting on the girl’s shoulder as his vomit soaked through the belly of her dress. Neither she nor Eren had flinched.

“Don’t worry about it,” Mikasa whispered. “I’ve had worse.”

Armin did not care for an elaboration. Mikasa began threading her fingers through Armin’s hair and he felt Eren place his hand on Armin’s knee. Armin was thankful to be covered from the waist down, even if it was by a sheet that smelled like a mixture of mothballs and urine.

Armin wondered if the urine was from him, and he couldn’t decide if it would be better or not if it wasn’t.

The door opened and He walked in, taking note of the scene before him.

“Why are you coddling him like a baby?” Luke asked. He smiled when he saw Armin’s vomit. “Did he get sick like a baby?”

Mikasa bit her tongue at the sight of what He had in his hand: a small first aid kit. Armin, to the surprise of everyone, shook his head in agreement to Luke’s question. Luke walked forward and took Armin from Mikasa – gently. He opened the first aid kit and removed a thermometer, placing in under the blonde’s tongue.

“I’m going to get him some water,” Luke said, somewhat concerned. “After that you’re all having a shower – Eren you’ll need to help your brother. Understood?”

“Yes,” Eren said quickly, excited about having two showers in one week.

Armin did not question why he was suddenly related to these two strangers, but he knew not to ask. He knew his best chance at survival was to agree and adapt – and get over whatever illness he had.

“I think it’s just the flu,” Armin whispered when Luke walked out again.

“You’ll be alright,” Mikasa said, touching his hand. Eren nodded in agreement.

“How long – “ The thermometer beeped, interrupting Armin’s question. Mikasa retrieved the thermometer and saw his temperature being at 101. Mikasa did not tell Armin and he did not ask.

“I’ve been here a little over three months,” Mikasa said, fiddling with the thermometer. She and Armin both looked at Eren.

“I’ve been here about five years.”

The statement was uttered with such calmness it made Armin feel ill in another way. His head was spinning and all he wanted was to sleep until all this was over.

The door opened and Luke walked in, carrying a glass of water and a wet wash cloth. Armin accepted them both.

“You’re being very good,” Luke said kindly as he ripped the thermometer out of Mikasa’s hand. “I can get you some Tylenol. Would you like that?”

Armin shook his head, placing the wash cloth to his forehead. He didn’t want to admit how much better he felt, but judging by the bruises on Mikasa – who seemed stubborn and hadn’t been there long – he decided to swallow his pride.

“I feel a little better already,” Armin said quietly. “Thank you.”

Luke smiled, sitting on the bed next to the blonde. Armin tried not to flinch as the man pet his hair.

“You’re going to do so well here,” he whispered, sounding almost prideful. “I’m glad our family is complete.”

…

Two hours later Armin sat at the kitchen table next to his abductor and across from two strangers. He was sore and still felt ill, but taking a shower and wearing clean clothes made him feel somewhat better, and showering with the other boy proved to be of Armin’s benefit.

Armin quickly learned there were rules in this house, and he didn’t care to know what happened if he broke them. Eren didn’t mind filling him in.

“One time, I told him I wasn’t his son, because my daddy wouldn’t do something so horrible,” Eren whispered as they washed their hair, barley loud enough to be heard over the water. “He brought me McDonalds later, but made me drink water with a bunch of salt right after.”

Armin wanted him to stop, but needed to know how to survive.

“What’s…the worst he’s done?”

Eren was silent and Armin stepped away as much as he could to let the brunette rinse his hair. Armin tried not to look, but Eren’s ribs stuck out and his knees were knobby looking. He was a little taller than Armin and had definitely hit puberty – probably much later than he should have – but there was still a childlike innocence to him that made Armin uncomfortable. His skin had a yellow tint, as well as something that looked like fur all over, and he had bruises surrounding his waist, wrists, and ankles, yet he spoke as if he were just a child.

Armin wondered if he were in his own world, and if he would ever get out of it. Armin wondered if that’s what Eren had to do to survive this long.

“I tried calling for help,” Eren said, awkwardly scooting so Armin could rinse his hair. “Later that night he got a lit candle and dumped the wax on my back.”

“Oh.”

“It only hurt a second. I guess he knew cause he kept lighting it and dumping it on me. I don’t know how many times.”

“I’m – “

“Two minutes!” Luke shouted, banging on the door. Armin jumped, but Eren did not.

“He usually only gives me five minutes,” Eren said, as if talking about the weather. “Mikasa gets ten minutes, but that’s because he makes her shave.”

Armin wasn’t sure what information was useful and what was too much.

“Is there anything else I should know?”

“Call me an’ Mikasa your brother and sister. Don’t ask for more food, because he’ll starve you for fun.” Eren was not used to talking so much. “Um. He’ll make you wear a motorcycle helmet and chain you to me and Mikasa – but don’t worry, I’m good at making up stories, so you won’t get bored. Mikasa likes my stories, even though some of them I don’t actually make up – I remember my mommy reading them to me.”

“Your mom?” Armin asked quickly. Before Eren could answer, their time was up.

Armin sat at the kitchen table, trying not to look at the food. He had lived off fast food and junk for six months and never even imagined having another home cooked meal again. It was some sort of casserole with mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese, and Armin prayed he would not throw this up.

“Before we eat, we say Grace,” Luke explained, reaching for the blonde’s hand. Armin took his hand gently, but was thankful for the quick squeeze he received from Mikasa.

“Father, thank you for blessing me with another child, and for blessing Eren and Mikasa with another brother. Thank you for giving me the strength to show him the right way, as I can tell he is already following that path.”

Armin was lost. He had no idea what Luke was talking about but figured he could be filled in later. All he cared about was getting something hot in his stomach and to be able to sleep in peace.

When the prayer was over, Luke handed out the servings himself. Armin thought it was a pretty decent amount, but by the way Eren talked it was probably the only meal he would have for the whole week. He ate slowly, just as Eren and Mikasa did and only half listened to Luke’s talk.

When dinner was over, Armin and the others were led upstairs.

“Mikasa, Eren, your brother will have his own room while he’s sick.”

There was no room for debate, and Armin was sure the two were glad to not share with a stranger. Armin didn’t blame them. Luke led the three of them to what Armin assumed was Eren and Mikasa’s room.

The windows were boarded up, but a naked bulb lit the small room. A radiator sat in one corner and a mattress lay in the middle, a dirty sheet being it’s only content. A few chains were connected to the radiator and Eren and Mikasa walked up to them.

A strange feeling filled Armin as he watched Luke Matthews chain together the teenagers. His chest hurt, but he felt a strange calmness. He felt numb.

He felt numb as he watched Luke kiss Eren and Mikasa on the mouth, and watched Eren kiss back. He felt numb as he watched Luke pinch the underside of Mikasa’s breast for not kissing him back. Armin felt numb as he was led in the next room and handcuffed to the wooden bed in the room.

He felt numb as he returned Luke’s kiss.

Numbness wore off hours later as his fever returned and his chest began to hurt more. His throat felt scratchy and breathing began to hurt.

No, Armin thought. I’m not dying here.

He was sick and exhausted, but he couldn’t sleep without thinking of some sort of plan. His window didn’t seem boarded up, but it was small and on the second floor. Armin knew his bedroom door was locked.

However, he was handcuffed to the slant that was supporting the mattress he was on. He was only handcuffed by his right arm, and the bed frame was entirely wooden – and, judging by the creaking and how unstable it seemed, it was old. Armin figured Luke was going easy on him because he was well behaved - and sick. He couldn't scream because of his throat and standing up made him dizzy. He had to act while he was still sick, while he was still vulnerable.

A plan formed in his mind, but he would only have one shot.

Chapter 7

Chapter Text

Levi sat up slowly, careful not to wake up Erwin.

He was naked, the covers - and Erwin's arm - around his slender waist. He stared at his husbands arm, loosly around him. He felt a sense of comfort and protection. Levi wondered if he was doing the right thing, but only for a moment. Slowly, Levi rose, and Erwin's arm hit the mattress softly.

Levi washed his face and brushed his teeth, just like any other Thursday morning. He dressed quickly, awkward in his attire but hoping it would be to his advantage. He stepped out of the bathroom and quietly unlocked his bedside table which housed his holster and .22. Ignoring the holster, he grabbed his gun and placed it on his hip, between his jeans and boxers. Erwin's button down shirt covered the bulge of the gun, as well as the bulletproof vest he was wearing under it.

He turned to look at Erwin, possibly for the last time.

The night before, he and his husband had gone to bed early. Levi had called in to work while Erwin was in the shower, but the blonde did not know this. Instead, Erwin was greeted by rose petals scattered on the bed and a bottle of wine after his shower.

"It isn't our anniversary," Erwin had told him, surprise obvious in his voice. Levi was not the romantic type.

"Can't I do something nice for you?" Levi asked, wrapping his arms around his husband and kissing him deeply.

The wine was quickly forgotten as they entangled on the bed. Before passion took over, Levi paused, his breath labored.

"Erwin?"

"Yeah?"

Levi hated the way his husband looked at him, as if he was falling in love with Levi all over again.

"Lets make love like this is the last time we'll see each other."

Erwin had questions, but none that couldn't be silenced with Levi's kisses. They made love and fell asleep together, and Erwin was none the wiser about Levi's intentions.

It was dangerous to go alone but he couldn't risk Erwin getting hurt or killed - or arrested. Levi still had no solid leads or evidence, but he was going to Matthews place any way. He didn't know what he would find, but he would be damned if he drug is husband in it too.

Erwin slept on his stomach, one arm under his pillow and the other outstretched as if it were still around Levi. He considered kissing his husband goodbye, but couldn't risk waking him up.

As Levi walked out of his home, he checked his phone. He received an email confirming the shipment of flowers to his husbands workplace, along with a note that read, "Yours in eternity" later that same day.

Levi sat in his car. He was leaving the warmth of his husband and the safety of his home to break into his co workers house - and for what? The possibility that Matthews may know something about the missing girl?

What did Levi expect? For the girl to still be alive? That was doubtful. For her bones to be in an obvious freshly dug grave in his backyard?

Levi wasn't sure what to expect, but he knew to always expect the worst. He got his phone from his pocket and sent an email to his husband.

Darling,

I went to Luke Matthews house this morning. If I am not home by the time you read this, send the police. Do not go yourself.

I love you always.

Yours in eternity,

Levi

Levi returned his phone and backed out of his driveway, hoping Erwin checked his email when he got home instead of on his lunch break. Erwin was a creature of habit, but Levi couldn't be too sure.

Levi drove in determined silence. It was eight by the time Levi arrived at Matthews home - time for work to begin. Luke's car was not in the driveway, but Levi drove around the block and parallel parked outside an abandoned house.

It was January, and the news said it would be snowing later that night. School was still on holiday break, and based on the windows in the homes he passed everyone was still asleep. He was not sure if this would be to his advantage or not.

Finally, he reached Luke's two story home. It wasn't a bad looking place, but much shabbier than the other homes on the block. He walked up the front steps and tried the door. It was locked, but Levi expected as much.

Levi checked under the doormat for a key but found none. Levi knew how to kick open a door, but that was the last thing he wanted to do.

He glanced around the porch, looking for some sort of clue as to where Matthews hid a spare key. Certainly he had one hid somewhere -

Levi's eye fell on the covered porch light. Sighing, Levi got on his tip toes and stretched his arm to the top of the light. His fingertips fell on a key, and after a few failed attempts the key finally fell in Levi's palm.

He paused for a moment. Now was his chance to back out. Levi could put the key back and go home as if nothing happened. There were a million ways this could go wrong, but there was still a chance Mikasa could be alive in Luke's house. Levi held the key in his hand, wondering what to do.

Pop!

Levi jolted, gripping the key and reaching for his gun. The street was silent and he couldn't see anyone, yet after another moment, he heard the noise again.

It was coming from inside Luke Matthews house.

Levi unlocked the door and withdrew his gun. He couldn't turn back now.

...

Armin awoke to Luke standing over him. His head was swimming and his chest felt as though there was a weight on it.

"I'm sorry, but until you're better you have to stay by yourself. Do you understand?"

Armin could hear a smile in Luke's voice and he nodded. Luke crouched to give Armin two Tylenol with a glass of water. Armin accepted them, but the water made his throat feel worse. He wanted to cough, but was afraid if he did Luke would gag him. However, Luke seemed to be in a rush and didn't bother explaining what the bucket beside the bed was for, although Armin could imagine.

Luke left his room and Armin noticed he did not lock his door. Why would he? Armin could barely breathe. Maybe Luke was hoping he would die.

Armin sat up, his right arm stiff from being handcuffed to the mattress frame. Armin heard Luke in the next room but could not make out what he was saying. After a moment he could hear Luke walk out of the bedroom and down the stairs. Armin heard a door close, and a car start moments after.

Now was his only chance.

"G-guys?" Armin said, his voice cracking. His throat was dry and his chest was feeling heavier. He didn't have time to tell them his plan, and even if he did they were probably gagged.

Armin rose from the bed, twisting the handcuff so he could face the mattress on his knees. The bed was centered in the room, and with a few pushes the mattress was off the bed frame and in the floor.

Armin stood awkwardly and stepped over the bed frame between the wooden slots. Taking a breath, Armin pressed his foot onto the slot he was handcuffed too. The blonde forced his weight downward, only for the wood to crack. Taking another breath, Armin lifted his foot and slammed it on the slot, breaking it.

The wood snapping was louder than he intended, but he didn't care. He fell to his knees and slipped his handcuff over the broken wood, freed.

As much as Armin wanted to rejoice, he couldn't. He felt as though all the strength he had was gone, and all he wanted was to sleep. He rested on his hands and knees trying to catch what breath he could before standing again.

His handcuff dangled around his wrist as he made his way to the door and opened it slowly. It creaked loudly, but other than that the house was silent. Leaning against the wall for support, Armin made his way to the next bedroom.

Armin opened the door to see Eren and Mikasa chained together by the waist on the dirty mattress. They were handcuffed behind their backs; Eren had duct tape over his mouth and Mikasa's face was covered by a motorcycle helmet.

Armin stepped forward and fell to his knees. He heard noises of concern from both the teens in front of him, but he wasn't worried now. Crawling, he made his way to Mikasa and lifted the helmet, only to see duct tape around the girls mouth too.

Once the tape was carefully removed, Mikasa sputtered.

"You have to get out!" she said, breathing heavily. "Go to a neighbor and get help!"

Armin shook his head, reaching over to remove the tape from Eren's mouth.

"I don't...I really don't feel good," Armin said, a burn arising in his chest.

"You can do it," Mikasa said gently, despite her heart hammering. "Just call the cops and an ambulance, okay?"

"I gotta get you guys out," Armin said quietly.

"Don't worry about it," Mikasa said, her anxiety beginning to come through in her voice.

"What if the cops know we're here?"

Eren's question was left with silence. It was something neither Mikasa or Armin considered, but giving the amount of time Eren had been in captivity it was obvious he had plenty of time to consider bad alternatives.

However, there was no time to worry now. Armin rose, leaning against the wall. He saw spots, but walked out of the room and down the stairs. Once he reached the first floor he caught his breath, then peeked out the window. The street was empty, save for a Honda Civic driving past the house. Armin wanted to open the front door and call for help, but he didn't have the strength. A part of him didn't want to leave Mikasa and Eren either.

Armin had been unconscious when he first entered Luke's home, and all he knew was the upstairs bedrooms and the dining room, but he remembered seeing a small room off the dining area the night before. Armin made his way to the room, grateful his suspicion had been correct.

In the small room was a washer and dryer - as well as tools covering shelves lining the wall. Armin wasn't sure what type of tools were needed to break the handcuffs, but he was certain there was something there. After a few minutes of searching, he found it.

A bolt cutter.

It was pushed to the back of the very last shelf, and it was coated in dust. Armin wasn't sure what Matthews needed for bolt cutters but he didn't care.

The tool was much larger and more complicated than he thought, but he figured the three of them could figure it out. Armin wasn't sure if the tool itself was heavy, or if he was just getting weaker.

Going upstairs proved to be much more difficult than down; Armin had to crawl, the bolt cutters and his handcuff making such a racket on the stairs he wondered if the neighbors could hear.

He entered Mikasa and Eren's room, slamming the bolt cutters on the mattress.

"I hope one of you know how to use that," Armin muttered. "I have no idea."

"We'll figure it out," Mikasa said, trying to wiggle out of her handcuffs. "It can't be that hard. Just get me out of these and I'll get Eren out and get help, okay?"

Mikasa leaned forward on her knees as Armin picked up the bolt cutters and scooted to her side. He pulled apart the tools legs, but they didn't separate as far as he thought they would. Armin hoped the tool wasn't broken.

He put the middle of Mikasa's handcuff chain between the teeth of the bolt cutters and pressed the tool together. The chain snapped with a quiet pop.

Mikasa pulled her hands forward. The handcuffs were around her wrists but separated.

It had been a very long time since she felt such hope.

"Armin, thank you," Mikasa smiled. "We're going to get out of here, okay?"

Mikasa took the tool from Armin's hand, quickly breaking Eren's handcuffs. Eren had remained silent throughout the whole ordeal, and Mikasa wasn't sure what to make of that.Armin laid down beside Mikasa, breathing heavily. Mikasa figured as long as he was breathing he'd be alright.

Eren looked at his hands the same way Mikasa did, as if he wasn't sure what being free meant.

Mikasa lowered the tool to the chain holding them together. It was much thicker than the handcuffs, but she figured it would cut just as well.

The pop that came from the chain breaking was much louder than she anticipated. How could no one be hearing this?

Armin moaned at the noise, his head beginning to pound.

"Sorry," Mikasa whispered, crawling over Eren. "One more time, okay?"

With one more pop, Eren was separated from the radiator.

Mikasa stood shakily, the chain loosely around her waist. Eren was cut from both chains connecting him, but still had one around his waist. Mikasa could probably cut these off -

Before she had the chance, she heard the front door open.

Mikasa and Eren made eye contact, but it seemed as though Armin heard nothing.

"Stay with him," Mikasa whispered. Slowly, she made her way out of the room, the bolt cutters held like a bat.

She wasn't sure what she was in for, but she was ready.

...

Luke arrived to work, almost late.

Well, later than usual.

He usually arrived at seven, an hour earlier than he had to. Luke enjoyed being early to work - and getting the first reads on any investigations that may be going on. Usually Ackerman arrived shortly after him, but today Levi's cubicle remained empty after seven thirty when Luke arrived to work.

An odd feeling twisted in Luke's gut, and he knew to trust it.

"Anyone seen Ackerman?" he asked casually in the break room.

"I think he called in sick," a young police officer said. "It's about time he take some time off, you know?"

Luke thanked the young woman and quickly returned to his car, not bothering to tell anyone where he was going.

He sped home, arriving just after eight. He slowed down coming down his street and slowly pulled into his driveway.

His front door was open.

Luke withdrew his gun as he made his way out of his car, not bothering to close the car door. Gun drawn, he entered his home to see Levi Ackerman in a large button down shirt, half way up his stairs.

Levi turned to see Luke, his gun drawn but lowered.

"We don't have to do this," Levi said, slowly and evenly.

Luke lowered his gun further.

"I...I suppose we don't," Luke admitted. "We can work this out, yes?"

Luke walked to Levi and Levi stepped three steps downward.

"Yes," Levi agreed. "But you have to tell me who is here."

"You heard nothing."

Luke's grip tightened on his gun, but he made no move to shoot.

"I did," Levi bluffed. He hadn't heard anything since the noises on the porch. "I heard a voice. It sounded like a young girl."

There was a long moment of silence, and Luke closed his eyes.

"You don't understand."

"I don't," Levi admitted. "But there's help. I can get you help, but you have to let her go."

Levi didn't want to get Luke help. A part of him was in shock, but he couldn't let it show yet. He had to make sure Mikasa was safe before anything else happened.

"Levi, I need to tell you something," Luke lowered his eyes, his gun trembling. Levi's grip on his tightened.

"Yes?"

"I dug two graves before," Luke whispered, his voice dry and weak. Levi's stomach turned. "I took two boys - not together, of course. I kept them alive but couldn't bring myself to keep them. I - I didn't understand how...why I wanted to be their father, but I also felt like they were my lovers. I just didn't understand."

"Why the fuck are you telling me this?" Levi's voice was cold and he gripped his .22 - he couldn't shoot without Matthews aiming his gun, and that's all he was waiting for.

"Because I want you to know if I've dug two graves, I can certainly dig one more."

"Don't you fucking touch her!"

Levi raised his gun, but Luke was faster.

The blow hit Levi in his chest - completely covered by his vest. However, he and Luke were less than fifteen feet apart, making the impact feel as though Levi had been sucker punched in the sternum.

He feel to his side - definitely bruising a few ribs on the stairs - and made sure to roll on his stomach. He gritted his teeth and hissed, his pain only partly fake. His gun fell a few stairs down, and if he were given a moment and a breath he could grab it and shoot Luke before he made his way to the girl.

"Me? Hurt her?" Luke asked, walking slowly toward Levi. "Don't be so stupid, Ackerman. I'd kill you before I hurt her - or my sons."

Levi was panting and still on his stomach as Luke walked up the stairs - casually kicking Levi's gun below them both. Levi was still trying to process what Luke was talking about when Luke turned to face him, three stairs above Levi.

"May I make a suggestion?" Luke asked, kindness laced in his voice. "Just...let go. The boys, they held on far too long; one didn't die for over two days - can you believe that? After a while it just gets sad and rather boring. There's no need for - "

For a moment, Levi swore Luke had shot him.

He heard a metallic bang and Levi's body jolted, eyes shut. Luke's voice stopped abruptly, and Levi heard an odd tumbling noise.

Levi opened his eyes to see a girl where Luke was standing. She was dark complected and had bruises up and down her legs - as well as a broken chain around her waist, and bolt cutters in her lowered arms.

Levi, still panting, glanced downward to see Luke at the bottom of the stairs - a pool of blood forming near his head and his right arm backward.

"You have to help him," the girl said quietly, sounding relaxed.

"D - don't worry," Levi said, trying to keep the girl calm. "People bleed a lot from head wounds. I don't think you - "

"Fuck him! You need to help Armin!"

Levi rolled on his back, clutching his chest.

"Shit, you were shot, right?" Mikasa lowered her voice, but couldn't mask her anxiety. Her hands began to tremble. "Fuck - I'm sorry, you need help too but, he's like really - "

"I'm fine," Levi said, rising from the stairs and removing his hand, showing the girl there was no blood. Levi tried to control his breathing. "Take me to Armin, okay?"

Mikasa shook her head and quickly went up the stairs, bolt cutters still in hand.

"Is there anyone else I should know about?" Levi asked, sarcasm heavy in his tone.

"Yeah - there's Eren," Mikasa answered, pushing open the bedroom door.

True to her word, two boys lay on a dirty mattress before Levi. The man wasn't sure who looked closer to dying - the malnourished brunette, or the wheezing blonde.

Levi got his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Mikasa before crouching by the boys. The blonde took no notice of him, but the brunette - Eren, Levi figured - seemed weary.

"I'm Levi," he said calmly. "I'm going to help you guys, okay?"

"Mikasa, too?" Eren whispered.

"Mikasa, too," Levi promised.

Levi took off his shirt and carefully wrapped it around the sick boy, then lifted him in his arms. Mikasa was crying, on the phone with police and Eren remained on the mattress, knees raised and sitting on his hands until Levi told him - gently - it was time to go.

As police arrived on scene and took Luke (who was barely conscience) away to a hospital in the first ambulance, two more ambulances arrived also. Armin was taken first, and Mikasa demanded to be taken to the same hospital as Eren and Armin. Eren clung to Mikasa, covering his face in the crook of her shoulder. Mikasa wrapped her arms around him and they refused to separate. With promises to arrive at the same destination as Armin, the two teens rode in the same ambulance as their vitals were checked and Eren's eyes were covered.

Levi tried not to wonder how long it had been since the boy has seen sunlight.

Levi said he would drive himself to the hospital to make sure Luke was transferred before Levi himself was treated - but not before making a phone call to his husband - and dodging nosy neighbors.

After a twenty minute phone call, telling the police Luke's confession, and promises to be at the hospital with the teens, Levi started his car. His chest burned and it hurt to breathe, and he was both mentally and physically exhausted.

"What a day," Levi whispered, rubbing his eyes.

The clock on his dash read 8:52 A.M.

Levi sighed, wondering if this day was going to end any more unusual than it had started.

Chapter 8

Chapter Text

It would be another three hours before Levi saw the teenagers again.

He drove himself to the hospital and arrived shortly after Erwin - but luckily before the local news station and press.

His husband had his writing pad with him, and after helping Levi to his room, he explained he would be speaking to the teens about what happened.

"I was the first therapist here," Erwin explained gently, rubbing his thumb over Levi's temple as he laid on the hospital bed. "Plus I already know a little about Mikasa. The quicker we get the information the faster the trail can be - "

"And the faster all this can be over for them," Levi finished, his voice low.

"Exactly."

Erwin crouched next to Levi, his hand still on his husband's face. Levi lifted his hand to brush his fingers over Erwin's face and the blond kissed his fingers.

"I love you, Levi."

"I love you too."

"I can't believe you did this."

"Me either."

The two smiled before giving one another a gentle kiss. Levi secretly wanted Erwin to go speak to the kids as quickly as possible so he could stop pretending he wasn't in pain, but he knew they needed to get their medical check up first - especially Armin. Levi's pain had doubled in ten minutes, but he knew the majority of the doctors were focused on the teens and that was alright with him.

"What's going to happen to them?" Levi asked quietly.

"They'll need to stay here for a while," Erwin responded, a little unsure. "It all depends on how they respond. They'll probably be released at different times to - "

"No," Levi gasped, pain shooting up his sternum. "I - I don't know how they'll feel being separated. At least for Eren and Mikasa."

Erwin thought for a moment, then agreed.

"Some people form bonds in captivity. Some...not so much. How long we're they in there? I've never heard of Eren or Armin."

"Armin has only been in there for a few days," Levi said. "Mikasa told me he was sick when he got there. Eren's been in there for five years."

A silence settled between the two. When Mikasa filled Levi in on what had happened before the medics arrived, he did not make the connection between Eren and "the boy that went missing" a year before Levi and Erwin moved into town.

"Do you think it's...?"

"I don't know," Levi said, his head beginning to pound. "I don't even remember the kid's name. It happened a year before, and it wasn't one of those things people talk about. Hell, no one on the team..."

Levi's voice trailed as he realized no one on the police force discussed the disappearance of the child because the person who kidnapped him was working for the team.

Erwin was able to get a trash can before Levi vomited.

...

Levi was drowsy by the time he learned only one of his ribs was broken - three, however, were bruised, and there was a bruise the size of Levi's fist darkening on his sternum. Luckily, that was not broken.

After two X-Rays the doctor concluded the rib that was broken had landed directly on the stair, and the one above and two below were bruised by the force of the break. He was given morphine and Jell-O, but refused to fall asleep until he saw the teens.

Three hours after his arrival, Levi was able to follow a nurse to the floors where the teenagers were located.

"What's wrong with Armin?" Levi asked, trying not to grimace. It hurt to speak at a normal volume.

"Pneumonia," the nurse said, sounding somewhat bored. "His vitals weren't great, but giving the condition he was in that was no surprise. We gave him a chest X-Ray and found fluid in his lungs."

"Will he be alright?"

The elevator doors opened, and Levi was greeted by several people holding cell phones and notepads with pencils.

Throughout the past two hours, Levi had been annoyed by the press - and nosy members of the community - until he was given his own room. The doctors and local police had not allowed any of them inside the teens rooms, but now that Levi was out and about, he was no longer off limits.

"Do you have any comments, sir?"

"Is it true you took a bullet for these children?"

"Are you aware you're a local hero?"

"Is it true you're a homosexual?"

"How long did you know the children were held hostage before you decided to rescue them?"

Two police officers (whom Levi recognized) were able to lead Levi and the nurse to the blonde's room - but not before Levi decided to make an official statement.

"Until the kids want to talk you can all go fuck yourselves."

Levi and the nurse entered Armin's room, the hall full of people silent.

"That's one way to do it," the nurse chuckled.

Levi did not have a remark upon seeing Armin in the hospital bed.

In Luke's home, Levi was not focused on how small the boy was, but laying in bed it was clear to see Armin was unusually petite. His skin was a terrifying blue color, and he was hooked to an I.V as well as oxygen.

"Is he going to be okay?" Levi asked again.

"Oh - yes, he's going to make a full recovery," the nurse assured. "The I.V is for dehydration - which is common - and the oxygen is to make breathing a little less painful. He's on antibiotics and in a few weeks it'll pass. Oh - and his skin being blue is normal with pneumonia too."

"Okay," Levi mumbled.

The man felt helpless. The boy's shoulder length hair splayed across the white pillow, an unnatural blonde hue. Levi briefly wondered if he dyed it. The oxygen mask covered the majority of his face, but Levi could still see his tiny nose and full lips.

Armin's chest rose and fell gently, and Levi could hear a distinct rattling coming from the teens chest. Levi wanted to touch Armin's fingertips, but feared making him more ill or waking him up. Armin looked innocent, in the most natural terms.

Angelic, Levi thought.

"Would you like to see the others?"

"Please."

As they entered the hallway, they were greeted by the two officers guarding the door and no one else. Alone in the elevator, the nurse hit the button to the fourth floor.

Levi's stomach twisted. Everyone knew what the fourth floor of this hospital meant - hell, he had sent and met possible suspects there.

The fourth floor was reserved for the mentally and emotionally disturbed.

"Why are they here?" Levi hissed.

"Other than slight dehydration, bruises, and scrapes, there is nothing physically wrong with them. We thought it would be best to put them here with doctors who may help better."

The elevator doors opened, and in front of them sat a locked door and telephone on a concrete wall. The nurse picked up the phone and pressed 1.

"Phoebe Alker and Levi Ackerman to see patients 1077 and 1078."

The nurse hung up the phone and there was an electric buzz as the door was unlocked. Together, they walked to a desk and signed papers discussing privacy rights. Levi and the nurse were both searched by a security guard, and two more police officers and a doctor escorted them to the room Eren and Mikasa were sharing.

"We don't typically room the same sex together," the doctor explained, his voice lowered. Unlike all the other hospital halls, this one was silent. "But they asked to be together, and given their unique circumstance, I thought it would be appropriate for the time being."

Unique circumstance, Levi thought. That's one way to say it.

When the door to their room was unlocked, Levi was thankful to see they had not been strapped to their beds. However, this was Levi's only relief.

The lights were turned off, save for a dim lamp in between the beds. Eren was completely covered by his hospital sheets - and Mikasa's - but everyone could hear him crying.

Mikasa sat on her bed, her face in her knees and her hands under them. They were both attached to an I.V but seemed to take no notice of them.

"Eren's eyes aren't used to so much light," the doctor explained, as if the boy were not there. "And I imagine he's in shock."

"You think?" Levi snapped.

Slowly, Levi made his way to the teen's bed. Eren had tried to stop crying when he heard people in his room, but the tears still came. He hid himself out of fear, embarrassment, and shame.

"Hey," Levi whispered. "It's Levi. From earlier?"

"Hi," Eren sobbed.

"It's okay that you're sad," Levi said gently. "Or scared. Or what ever you're feeling. I bet you're feeling a lot of things right now, and Mikasa, too."

Mikasa shot Levi a look as if to say, this isn't about me, asshole. Eren sniffled and shook his head in agreement.

Levi turned upon hearing footsteps enter the room. He was surprised to see his husband walk into the room and nod to the doctor, then him.

"Hello, Levi," Erwin said professionally.

"Erwin."

"You know each other?" Mikasa asked, stifling a yawn.

"Yes," they replied together.

In the times their jobs crossed, they did not say they were married unless asked. When their jobs collided it was due to sexual assault charges, and the majority of the time they would both need to be present for multiple court hearings. Not knowing they were married often put the victims at ease in telling Erwin and Levi what they needed to know (they had no fear that Erwin and Levi would "compare notes", which they didn't do any way) and it made court hearings easier since the two men's opinion's wouldn't be biased. Levi and Erwin knew this would be important in their marriage and career, so they chose to keep their last names when they got married.

Luckily, Mikasa wasn't too interested in their relationship as she was in Erwin.

"Are we talking more?"

"If you like," Erwin said kindly.

Levi rose from the chair, prepared to leave, but Eren quickly pulled the covers over his head.

"Can you stay?" he asked, his voice dry and his face soaked in tears and snot.

"Mikasa, would it be alright if Levi stayed for the rest of our talk?"

"If that's what Eren wants," Mikasa replied with a shrug. She herself didn't have much to say anyway - she just knew Eren had much on his mind.

The doctor and nurse found another chair for Erwin and left, locking the door behind them. Levi and Erwin did not make eye contact as Eren slowly made his way out of the covers and into a sitting position.

"I don' like what they did to me."

This was all Eren was able to get out before the tears and embarrassment came again. He covered his face and sobbed, and Mikasa offered her hand. Eren took it, then shook his head.

"You're all stretched," he said, referring to the way Mikasa had to stretch her arm to reach him.

"Then scoot over," the girl retorted.

Rolling the I.V with her, Mikasa sat next to Eren on the small bed. Her back was to him and her feet hung off the bed, but Eren rested his face between her shoulder blades.

"Eren, can you explain to me what they did?" Erwin asked gently.

Levi's pulse began to race. They? Was there more than Luke?

Eren shook his head and began to cry again.

"The check up," Mikasa explained. Eren shook his head in agreement.

"I see. What part made you uncomfortable?"

"All of it."

Erwin shook his head in agreement.

"It can be scary," he agreed. "And sometimes it can feel a little inappropriate. Is that what upset you? Or did you feel like too much happened at once?"

"Both," Eren whispered.

"Can you explain what felt inappropriate - or not nice?"

Eren sniffled.

"Sometimes, they need to do certain things more than once. If you tell me what you didn't like, I can ask the doctor if he has to do it again. If he does, I'll make sure it's done in a way that makes you comfortable."

Erwin explained this in a voice so gentle and sweet that Levi was reminded why his husband was so good at his job.

"They...they took a whole bunch of blood," Eren explained after a moment. "I didn't feel good. And then they...um...they made me get naked and..."

His face was buried in Mikasa's back, but Levi and Erwin could both see his ears turning bright red, even in the dim light. Mikasa turned awkwardly and put her arm around him, his face now in her bust.

"They had to check for STD's," Mikasa explained. "And they put some anti bacterial thing in our assholes. They did it to me, too."

"I see," Erwin said, not surprised by Mikasa's bluntness. "That must have been scary and overwhelming. I wouldn't have liked that either."

Eren's shook his head, but remained silent. Mikasa rubbed his head, and after a moment he spoke again.

"They said...it was, you know, tore up. My...you know. There's a bunch of tears and stuff, especially since it...he...um, it was just two nights ago when he. You know."

Erwin shook his head, jotting down a few notes.

"Eren, I know this is difficult to talk about, but you're being very brave. Can I ask you an important question?"

"Yeah."

"When Luke Matthews would hurt you, did he use a condom - something he put over his male part - or a lubricant of some kind? Maybe something to make the...the attack less painful?"

The boy shook his head, and Mikasa did too. Erwin jotted a few notes again, and both he and Levi were thinking the same thing.

If Mikasa wasn't pregnant and she nor the other two boys didn't have an STD, it would be nothing short of a miracle.

But in these matters, a miracle wasn't something you could rely on.

...

Levi and Erwin left their separate phone numbers with Eren and Mikasa, telling then to call if they needed anything through out the night. They promised to return the next morning.

They left their phone numbers and a note with Armin, who was still asleep. The doctor explained his long sleep was due to the medicine, not his illness, so there was no need to worry.

Although they arrived separately they drove home together, Erwin refusing to let Levi drive. The black haired man relaxed in the passenger side seat as the sun set over the horizon. The two reached for their matching sunglasses on the visors and put them on at the same time. This ritual happened every time they drove together and still, they couldn't help but chuckle.

On Levi and Erwin's first date, Levi had been hung over due to drinking out of nervousness the night before. They went to a local fair, and the sun hurt Levi's head so bad he wanted to go home. Instead, he asked to borrow a pair of Erwin's sunglasses. Erwin obliged, only for Levi to ruin them after they fell off his face as he vomited - and landed in his vomit.

Levi promised Erwin to buy him a new pair and the blonde told him not to worry, and when Levi found out they were a 170 dollar pair of Oakley's, Levi decided to buy him another pair for Christmas. Ironically, Erwin had the same idea, and for the two's first Christmas they received the same pair of sunglasses from each other.

Levi's eyes drifted shut and his hand rested on his husband's knee. The ride home was in silence, despite there being much to say. Neither knew where to start.

Levi decided with the obvious.

"It's the same kid," he mumbled. "The one that went missing a year before we moved here."

"I figured," Erwin sighed. "But you know what people talked about. Not about the kid but what happened after."

"I know."

Levi squeezed Erwin's knee, both thinking the same thing.

How were they going to tell Eren?

"He hasn't asked," Erwin said, clearing his throat. "He was in shock, though. The lights scared him and I imagine he was overwhelmed."

"But that's the time when I'd want my parents the most."

Levi's statement was met with silence as they pulled into their driveway. The minivan was shut off and seat belts were unclasped, and it was Erwin's turn to place a loving hand on his husband.

"We don't know what Luke told him. He may already know."

"I don't know if that makes it worse or better," Levi sighed. "Think they'll be up to talk tomorrow?"

"We left them much better than they came in," Erwin said, squeezing his husband's shoulder and exiting the minivan.

That isn't much to go on, Levi thought. He kept his negative thoughts to himself as he always did and followed his husband into their home.

...

It was night time, at least Eren thought so.

The blinds had been drawn all day and the room light off, but the world seemed quieter somehow.

He wanted to see Armin, to thank him, but he was sick. Eren wanted to thank him for being so strong and brave - two things Eren had failed at.

He did not like the doctors, because they poked him with needles and drew blood and looked at his private parts, but part of him kept hoping his father's face would appear in the crowd of doctors wanting to see him.

But his father was not there.

Eren wanted to see his parents; it was a five year ache that deepened with time, but he was afraid. Would they blame him? Say it was his fault? Would his parents ridicule him for following so easily and not fighting back like Mikasa or breaking free like Armin?

Fear rattled in his chest. He couldn't begin to explain any of it, but he tried to Mr.Smith.

The blonde was kind to Eren, and even gave him time to "get his thoughts together" before he spoke. Between the doctors, nurses, and people wanting to talk to him Eren felt like he hadn't had a quiet moment all day.

A part of him missed the quietness of his captivity. There was boredom, and loneliness, but Eren no longer felt overwhelmed in chains. He knew his role and if he played it appropriately, he would be rewarded.

The outside world was not so kind.

Mikasa had been showering, so Eren and Mr. Smith were alone. The lights were off, but still Eren covered his face.

"Start where ever you want," Mr. Smith coaxed. "It doesn't have to be from the beginning."

The largest knot in Eren's chest had loosened, for the beginning was the most confusing part. Eren didn't talk about his parents, or school, or the other things that Luke said made him a target. He began with Mikasa.

"The girl that's with me? Her name is Mikasa. He took her too, a few months ago. That's when things got...different."

Eren's face was still hid by the sheet. He was still overwhelmed and not used to talking about what went on during his captivity, and in the few hours he had been in the hospital he was now aware of how stupid he was.

With Luke, he didn't need to learn new words. When he asked what words meant, he would get in trouble. There was no need to read or write because - well, who would Eren read or write to?

Mikasa had helped him some. She told him the definition of some words he remembered, but he was so awkward and nervous his speech and syntax were not up to par with his age. It hadn't mattered before, but now that Eren was free and there were people who were actually interested in his feelings and what happened, Eren realized he did not have the proper way of describing it.

Out of everything, Luke had robbed Eren of words.

Things did not get different with Mikasa - things got better, but they didn't, not really. It was like lights lit up inside Eren, but that sounded dumb. Luke did not make Eren sad, or mad - the emotions were everything and nothing all at once, and they happened too fast for Eren to make sense of them. The things Luke did to Eren hurt, but it was more than the pain - there was a pain that couldn't be fixed but hurt all over, and it was too much for Eren.

"I don't have words," Eren sobbed. He knew it didn't make sense, but it was all he could say.

"It's alright, Eren," Mr. Smith whispered. "I don't need big words, or fancy ones. Why not tell me the one's you know, and we go from there?"

In the next thirty minutes, Eren explained what Erwin already knew, but from his point of view - Armin being kidnapped, him being sick, then breaking them out. It was summed up pretty quickly and easily, and there wasn't much emotion in the teen's voice.

"Eren, thank you very much for what you've told me," Erwin said, trying to sound cheerful since Eren could not see his smile. "Can I ask you something?"

"I guess."

"Luke - was he a bad person?"

Eren chewed his lip. He knew what he was supposed to say, but he also knew that was different than what he was feeling - which he didn't have a word for.

"Not all the time," Eren whispered. "I think...he wasn't okay. Like in his head. I mean, he had a job and stuff but...what he done was wrong. But he didn't kill us. He coulda killed us. I think..."

Eren's voice trailed, and after a moment Erwin spoke.

"There are no right or wrong feelings, Eren."

"I mean..." Eren's eyes closed. "He...I was bad. An' Mikasa talked about how she was bad too. I don't know about Armin, but I figure he was bad too or somethin', because I was took...because my momma and daddy wanted another baby. They didn' need me anymore, and it was better he take me than...I don' know."

Erwin jotted all this information as quickly as he could.

"Eren, how did you know this? Did Luke tell you, or are these you feelings?"

The sheet rose and fell as Eren shrugged his shoulders.

"He told me some. But I remember some to."

"Remember?" Erwin questioned. "Before you were taken?"

Eren shook his head.

Mikasa had entered then and wanted to rest, so he and Mr. Smith stopped their conversation until the police man showed up - the same one who was there to rescue them.

Eren wanted to talk some more, but only about what the doctors did. He didn't like them touching him were He had, even if they had cream to make him feel better. He didn't want to be touched there again, but Mikasa said they had too.

He could finally take a shower after, but he Eren let Mikasa go first and she took over an hour. By then Erwin was talking to him and he just wanted to go to sleep.

The doctors left his dinner in case he woke up hungry, but Eren had no appetite. He picked at his food, even the piece of chocolate cake. Mikasa got a piece too, and her's had a little bit of writing on it. Eren wondered if they had a party for them, but that wouldn't make sense.

Eren felt stupid.

He did not shower because it would feel weird to shower three days in a row. Eren asked to keep his holey boxers and too big shirt, even though Mikasa had stripped to nothing the moment they got there and demanded a gown.

Carefully, Eren got out of bed and crouched down, reaching into the plastic bag that contained his meager belongings.

The bag was noisy, but he figured the medicine made Mikasa sleepy like it did him.

Eren removed his old shirt and brought it to his nose, inhaling. It smelled like sweat and oldness, but it was familiar.

The hospital smells were not familiar. Talking was not familiar (Eren had begun to develop welts on the roof of his mouth from talking so much in five years). Having people smile at him and want him more for sex was not familiar.

A part of Eren did not like the outside world, but he knew it was selfish and stupid of him. He was just being a baby.

He put his shirt back and crawled into bed, too comfortable. There was no chain and extra blankets, and it just felt too right to Eren.

"Can't sleep?" Mikasa whispered, her back to him.

"Not really."

"Wanna sleep with me?"

Eren did not know how to say or express what he was feeling, so he stayed silent. Slowly, he rose from his bed and walked to Mikasa's, dragging the I.V pole with him. She lay on the left and he the right, both on their left sides - just as they had in captivity.

Eren was asleep in minutes.

Mikasa lay awake, trying to make sense of their situation. She had been trying to do it all day, but with everything else going on it was too hard.

Now, she lay next to a boy who spent the past five years in captivity. A boy who could have anything he wanted and anyone would get it because they felt sorry for him. And yet he asked for nothing.

Not even his parents.

The doctors took down his name, and when he said it there was an odd glace between doctors and nurses Mikasa did not miss. She did not know what what it meant, and didn't want to ask.

As Mikasa lay next to Eren, she began to wonder about his mental health for the first time.

Of course, she knew Eren was in his own world - but given the world he was forced in, what else could he do? A part of Mikasa hoped it was all an act to stop any abuse he could, but the past few hours Eren had acted afraid and depressed. She wondered what would become of them, and when Armin would wake up.

Carefully, the girl rolled over and reached for the phone numbers of the detective and psychiatrist - or whatever he was. It was too late to call them, but she knew she would first thing in the morning.

In the mixed up minutes between being rescued and the police arriving, Levi had let something slip.

"I didn't know there were more kids here," he had said, holding Armin to him. He had sounded both panicked and guilty.

Mikasa figured he had been looking for her, but was afraid to ask.

What if he was? How would Eren and Armin feel? How would they feel knowing they weren't being searched for?

Mikasa did not understand the guilt she felt at her disappearance being looked into. She felt sick and confused when she heard Luke's confession to Levi, and she hadn't spoken about it to Eren.

She wanted to call the detective and Mr. Smith to ask a favor.

Mikasa wanted Eren to know nothing - not about Luke, the other kids, whatever's going on with his family - and just go back to a normal life once he gets out of the hospital. He and Mikasa would never speak again, but it would be for the best.She wanted the same for Armin too of course, but she owed him more than she could ever repay, so she had to keep in touch with him in case she could ever do something for him.

It all made sense for a moment, and then it didn't.

She wanted Eren to have a normal life, but she knew neither of them knew what a normal life was, and she wasn't so sure Armin knew either.

Tears came quickly, but they fell silently.

Chapter 9

Chapter Text

Levi awoke to his phone vibrating on his nightstand.

It was two in the morning and he had just dozed off, despite his day. He reached for his phone, closing one eye due to the sudden brightness of his phone screen.

It wasn't the hospital, which meant one of the kids wasn't calling. Levi was too tired to figure if that was good news or not.

"H'llo?" Levi mumbled, answering the phone.

"Detective Ackerman? It's Whensky."

The voice belonged to a fairly new officer, of whom Levi was not on first name basis with. Levi knew this officer had drawn the short stick - along with a few others - and had to stay at the hospital with Luke Matthews the next county over.

"Yeah?"

Levi was too tired to notice the panic in the young man's voice.

"There's a problem."

Levi's eyes snapped opened, and in a moment's silence he knew.

"He's dead, isn't he?"

"Sir, we're still trying to figure out what happened - "

"What do you know?" Levi snapped. He didn't mean to sound hateful, but he was exhausted and now had no idea how this case was going to happen. Erwin's breathing had changed and he shifted; Levi figured he was awake.

"He kept complaining about his head," Whensky rushed. "They gave him a pain killer but it didn't help. He had a concussion so they gave him codeine."

"And?"

"He must have been allergic to it, sir. No one knew."

There was a silence that followed, and Levi felt as though his heart had stopped.

"I'm sure he knew. Is he dead?"

"Yes, sir."

Levi sighed and told the officer he would be there shortly. He hung up and rolled beside Erwin.

"They didn't know he was allergic to medication?" Erwin mumbled.

"Probably not. If he's never been to that hospital before they didn't have his records. They would have depended on him to tell them what they needed to know."

"Think he did it on purpose?"

"I know he did," Levi said into his husband's shoulder. "Luke couldn't handle prison and everything his actions entailed."

Levi rose and stepped out of the bed, opening a dresser drawer for a pair of pants. Neither spoke what they were both thinking.

What's going to happen to the kids?

...

Mikasa and Eren awoke to a nurse shaking them around two in the morning. Apparently it was inappropriate for them to be in the same bed. Eren did not understand but sleeply went to his own bed, sleeping alone comfortably. Mikasa, however, lay awake tossing and turning.

Now that she wasn't locked in a room, she was able to keep track of time and for the first time in months she was able to focus on personal things.

Like her period being late.

Mikasa had never had much of a regular period, and she was told by foster sisters she was lucky her periods lasted only four or five days with little to no cramping. Mikasa had been late and even missed cycles all together before, even when she wasn't sexually active.

Mikasa rolled on her stomach, her face in the stiff pillow.

Mr. Smith and Mr. Ackerman had not fully interviewed her yet, at least not about how she and Matthews had met. They were more concerned about her abuse than anything else - which she was grateful for - but soon they would want to know more details.

Why did she get into Matthews car? Why did she go to his house? She could try to play stupid, but she was certain Mr. Ackerman could see through her, especially since she was the one who hit Luke.

Her stomach tightened at the thought of him at the bottom of the stairs, bleeding. Did she kill him? Was he seriously injured? A part of Mikasa didn't want to dwell on it - she did what she had to do. But a small piece of her felt guilty too. A part of her that never wanted to hurt anyone.

Could Mikasa finally tell the truth? She wasn't sure. She had never spoke about it to anyone or wrote it in her diary unless a nosy foster parent or sibling read it.

She would have to tell the truth.

Mikasa felt embarrassed, but only a little shame. Again, she felt as thought she had been doing what she had to do. But what would Eren or Armin think, or Mr. Smith or Mr. Ackerman?

What if it got to the media?

Mikasa's stomach tightened again. She groaned lowly, rolling on her left side. She had more things to worry about than her pride.

She remembered getting her period the second week she was in captivity, and she had swallowed her pride and asked for pads and extra showers.

She was given paper towels and a bucket of clean water.

However, Mikasa could not remember having a cycle last month. It hadn't been on the top list of her priorities, but now she wasn't sure why. Usually when she skipped a month she was early the next, and now she was late.

Could she be pregnant?

They had taken her urine the day before and she had figured it was for a pregnancy test, but now she wasn't so sure. The doctor seemed mostly concerned with nourishment and mental health, but he had brought up STD's as well.

Mikasa rolled to her right, angry with herself. Pregnancy hadn't crossed her mind because she figured she would die there. She knew Luke didn't like her; she wasn't obedient as Eren. She could die any day, and all she wanted was to survive.

How could she explain any of this to anyone? How could anyone explain the lengths someone would go to for survival?

By the time Mikasa's mind had gone quiet, sunlight was coming through the single crack in the room's curtain. The clock on the wall read 7:05.

Mikasa closed her eyes as a nurse came in and checked the teens vitals quietly. Once Mikasa was certain she was gone, Mikasa sat up and got the card with Smith and Ackerman's phone numbers.

She wasn't sure why she wanted to call Mr. Smith concerning such a personal and feminine matter. Sure, it wasn't like Mikasa had much of an option, but a part of her wanted to trust the blonde man.

The other man, she wasn't so sure yet.

Figuring she had nothing to lose, Mikasa picked up the room phone and began dialing Erwin's number.

...

Levi rubbed his eyes and yawned. The sun was just over the horizon and directly in the man's face.

He and Erwin had just spent the past few hours at the hospital where Luke Matthews had committed suicide, getting the proper details for the trial. Erwin had gone to help Levi break the news to the teens, and to be there to handle their reactions and emotions.

They had stopped at a gas station to get something to snack on and some drinks before seeing the kids. They didn't know what time they would be up - or of Armin would even feel like talking - but they had planned to stay all morning if need be.

Levi was slipping on his sun glasses when Erwin's phone rang. His husband had a knack for leaving his phone in the driver's seat any time they went somewhere, and figuring it had to do with the case, Levi answered the cell.

"Ackerman."

There was silence on the other end.

"Detective Ackerman," Levi repeated, sounding bored. "Who am I speaking with?"

"Um. Mikasa. From - you know."

Shit, Levi thought. He had figured it was someone wanting information.

"Oh - hello. How are you feeling?"

"I thought I was calling Mr. Smith."

Shit. She's blunt.

"Ah - yes, this is Mr. Smith's phone. He's away right now but I can take a message, or he can call you back if you like."

"This is his cell phone. The whole point of leaving his cell number was so he could be reached any time. If I wanted to leave a message with a fucking Secretary I would have called his office."

The line went dead, and Levi could feel anxiety creeping in his chest. Erwin returned a moment later with two waters and Slim Jims.

"We need to go to the hospital," Levi rushed. "Mikasa called. Something's wrong."

...

Mikasa covered herself with her hospital blanket, angry and anxious.

I'm so stupid, she thought. Thinking I could trust someone. I bet they're friends or something, and they have plans to make money from us or something. God. I'm so stupid.

Eren was still asleep and she had heard no news from Armin, so she was surprised to hear two sets of heavy footsteps enter her room a few minutes later.

"Mikasa?" A gentle voice asked. "It's Erwin. I'm sorry I couldn't answer my phone earlier."

Mikasa remained silent and still, as if they couldn't see the body shaped lump under the blanket.

"Did you need to talk to me about something? I'm sure it was important, even if you don't think so."

"Of course it was important," the girl snapped. "I wouldn't have called if it wasn't."

The two men shared a glance. Levi had suggested misinterpreting her words to get her to talk, but Erwin wasn't sure if that tactic was appropriate with her situation. Other rebellious teens, sure - nothing got them going like correcting an authority figure - but if Mikasa had faced emotional abuse, this tactic could backfire.

Mikasa, however, seemed to have no problem getting her words straight across, which was a very good sign.

"My apologies," Erwin said humbly. "If it's important, I believe we should discuss it. If you like I can have Mr. Ackerman wake up Eren and - "

"I think I'm pregnant."

Mikasa had never been one to beat around the bush, and although she was angry at the two men for reasons she couldn't explain, this wasn't a situation to hold her pride.

"I see," Erwin said calmly. "That could very well be possible. Have you had a pregnancy test?"

Mikasa shook her head, then pulled the covers over her head and sat up. She was now embarrassed at having acted so childish.

"If they didn't give you a test yesterday, they will today," Erwin reassured. "Just ask the next time you see your doctor, alright?"

Mikasa shook her head again, biting her lower lip. A silence hung in the room, and it was Erwin who broke it.

"Mikasa, would you like someone to talk you through your options if the results come back positive?"

"No," Mikasa whispered. "I can't raise a baby and I don't want it in the same system I'm in."

"That's your choice," Erwin responded. "And it's very responsible that you've put so much thought into it. However, I wasn't just talking about the pregnancy test."

A thousand thoughts rushed through Mikasa's mind, and for the first time in her life Mikasa wished she had paid better attention in Sex Ed (or, as she liked to call it, Abstinence With STD Information).

AIDS? HIV? Were they the same thing, or no? The clap? HPV? Warts - no she would know if she had warts there - wouldn't she?

"Eren - he needs to be talked to too."

"We know," Erwin said. "Mr. Ackerman and I were thinking of doing it together, perhaps with a doctor if he has a question we don't know. And after that we would discuss..."

Erwin's voice trailed and the two men shifted their feet.

"Could...I be there, too?" Mikasa asked, almost shyly.

"Of course," Erwin said. "We were thinking about doing it after Eren wakes up and has breakfast."

"And Armin?"

"Armin's doing well," Erwin told the girl. "He's asleep on and off, so I think we'll let him be for a while."

Mikasa shook her head, just as Eren stirred.

"You guys are like Superman," Eren slurred, still half asleep.

"Thank you," Levi replied. "I'd rather be Superman than a Secretary."

Only one other person in the room understood the reference, and she didn't seem to happy about it being brought up. However, the short man had gotten a giggle at her expense, and that was apology enough for both of them.

...

An hour and a half later, Mikasa and Eren sat in awkward silence. It was strange for them both, considering any silence the two had ever been in was either comforting or frightening - never awkward, as if there was an elephant in the room that they were trying to avoid looking at it.

"So...a lot of men have...anal sex?"

Mikasa could feel Eren's blush from across the room.

"Yes," she said, gently as she could. "And some women, too. But what did Mr. Smith say?"

Surprisingly, the Sex Ed talk and turned into their first therapy session for Eren.

"Sex is when both people want it," the boy mumbled. "When someone don't it's rape."

"And who's fault is rape?"

"The rapist."

Silence again, but this time a little less awkward.

"You did really good," Mikasa said. "All your questions were really good."

"I had more," Eren admitted. "But I thought I asked too many."

"You can ask me. And if I don't know I'll ask the doctor so you don't have too."

Relief flooded Eren's chest. He was glad he had Mikasa.

"So, sex can be good? Like feel good more than...just..." Eren fumbled for words. "Never mind."

"It can," Mikasa reassured, although she didn't know from experience. "Sex can be more than just climax. It can feel good to be close to another person if they both want to be."

"Do you think anyone would want to have sex with me?" Eren asked quietly.

It was Mikasa's turn to blush.

"Eren, I don't think that's a big deal," she reassured.

Eren sighed.

"I mean, like, do you think anyone will love me? Like, want to be with me?"

"I know someone will," Mikasa whispered. "Someone will love you despite what happened. I promise."

"Do you think my parents still will?"

"I know they do," Mikasa said, reaching her hand over. Eren met her half way and they squeezed each other's fingers, excited and anxious for what the future had in store.

...

"How are we supposed to tell him?"Levi demanded.

"Start with the good news?" Erwin suggested, feeling exhausted.

They had approached the doctors concerning the teens STD's and pregnancy test, and since they weren't legal guardians they couldn't know what was positive and what wasn't. However, taking in the doctors anger and over hearing a nurse's excuse of "No news is good news!", the two men figured the teens had somehow not gotten an STD or pregnant - but HIV was still in the air as a possibility, and would be for the next week.

But that wasn't what was on Erwin and Levi's minds.

"He brought up his parents twice," Levi said. "He's coming out of shock and wants to see them."

Erwin sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"The only thing we can do is tell him the truth," Levi said. "I just don't know how much to sugar coat it."

"Should we at all?"

"You want the kid having a break down?"

"I don't know!" Erwin whispered. They were outside Eren and Mikasa's bedroom. "You're the one who breaks this kind of news."

"Oh, so I should be an expert?" Levi snapped.

The two men sighed. It seemed that the only time they bickered was when their work collided, and it was over situations like this.

"I'm sorry," Levi said. "I...this is harder than it should be."

"We're getting attached."

"We shouldn't be."

"I know."

After a moment, Levi rubbed his forehead.

"We'll tell him the basic details. If he has question's we'll answer them, if not we'll not bring it up for now."

"That sounds good," Erwin admitted. "But you know he's going to want to visit them. You'll have to tell him his mother..."

"That's the worst part," Levi said lowly. "God, if I - "

"Don't," Erwin said curtly. "You can't blame yourself."

"Let's get this over with."

The men sqeezed hands and let go before entering the teen's room, bringing nothing but more misfortune.

Chapter 10

Chapter Text

The first thing the men noticed upon entering the room was that the teens were squeezing each others fingers, just as Levi and Erwin had been just a moment before.

The two were comforting each other, and the men were thankful Eren would have someone for comfort when their conversation was over.

"Did you find my parents?" Eren asked, hope and concern edging his voice.

Erwin pulled two chairs from the room and he and Levi sat down.

"Eren, Mr. Ackerman and I need to speak to you," Erwin said softly. "It's about your parents."

Eren's hand fell away from Mikasa's and he sat up promptly. Levi could see the fear in his eyes, and for a moment Levi remembered what it was like to be lost and frightened and needing his mother.

No, Levi chided himself. This isn't about me.

"Eren, your mother and father have both passed away."

Levi spoke the sentence no one ever wanted to hear gently and quietly. Levi sat leaned forward in his chair, his elbows on his knees and hands clasped together. He could not look Eren in the eye. Levi never could when he broke such news.

The only sound that could be heard was the ticking of the clock in the room. Levi and Erwin both felt relieved the news was out in the open, but were unsure what was to happen now.

"They never knew if I was alive or not," Eren said somberly.

"That's true," Erwin said slowly. "But they never stopped searching for you, Eren. They never gave up."

Levi shot Erwin a look, one Mikasa did not miss but Eren did. Erwin realized he may have phrased his last sentence badly, but there was no taking it back.

"How...?"

Fuck, Levi thought. It was the question the two were hoping he wouldn't ask, but knew he would eventually. There were a few more questions and details the men were trying to leave out, but knew Eren would find out eventually. They just couldn't decide if it was better for Eren to hear it from them or in his own time.

"Well, Eren, your father was killed in a car accident," Erwin stated carefully. "And your mother...your mother took her own life."

Eren's eyes closed. His heart was pounding and he felt as though nothing was real. He felt numb.

This isn't happening, he thought. None of this is real. I'm really at home, asleep, and I'll wake up soon. Momma will make me oatmeal and go over my spelling words with me and -

"Eren."

Mikasa's voice brought Eren back. When he opened his eyes, Eren realized he had drawn himself into the fetal position and covered his ears. Erwin easily recognized the signs of dissociation and said nothing, but made sure to make a mental note to bring it up in their therapy sessions.

"Sorry," Eren said, too numb to be embarrassed but feeling as though something had to be said.

"Don't be," Erwin reassured. "You must be feeling a lot of thing's right now. The important thing to know is that none of it was your fault."

Eren was quiet again, and Mikasa stood and sat on Eren's bed next to him. They held hands and Eren took a deep breath.

"What happened?" Eren asked quietly.

The other question the men were hoping he wouldn't ask.

Erwin cleared his throat and Levi shifted. Levi knew he had to take over from here.

"Your father was driving home from work and he was very tired. It's believed he fell asleep at the wheel or lost control of the car. He drove off the highway and flipped the vehicle. No one else was hurt and he...he died instantly."

"How do you know?" Eren demanded, his voice shaking.

"When the car flipped it landed on the hood and his neck snapped."

Levi did not meet Eren's eye, but the barely audible "Oh," that left Eren's mouth was so painful Levi wanted to leave the room.

Levi did not understand why this was so painful. He had delivered this kind of news before, many times actually. He had delivered the news of death, rape, and robbery to children and parents alike, and while it was painful at the time, he knew he didn't have to take it home with him.

With Eren, he wasn't so sure.

"Was he...was it here?"

Fuck.

"No," Levi replied. "He was working at a different hospital."

"Why?" Eren asked, inhaling deeply. "Why didn't he work here? H-he always worked here, since I was a baby - since I was born I think."

Mikasa began rubbing Eren's back as he hyperventilated.

"Eren, it's alright," Erwin said softly. "Nothing that has happened has been your fault."

After a few minutes Eren's breathing slowed, but he still breathed deeply and his face was red. He began to cry and Mikasa wrapped her arms around him.

"Why was he at a different hospital?" Eren sobbed.

Levi's mouth opened, then closed. He knew he couldn't lie to Eren. It would hurt him - it would break Eren's heart - but he deserved to know.

"Eren, your parents got divorced," Levi said. "Your father was in a different county - almost in a different state when he died."

"Why?" was all Eren could ask. He could feel Mikasa's arms tightening around him, and all he wanted was to disappear into warmth.

"It wasn't because of you," Levi began. Again, his mouth opened and closed. He felt lost.

"How do you know?" Eren demanded, his body beginning to shake. "It was, wasn't it?"

"Your parents hired divorce lawyers a week before you went missing," Levi stated bluntly. "They were working on visitation rights, which is why they were still living together at the time."

It seemed as though everything and nothing made sense to Eren. His father was always gone - but he was a doctor. His mother didn't have any men at the house that Eren remembered - but that didn't mean his father didn't have a lover.

Infidelity was the only thing that made sense to Eren. Money certainly wasn't an issue, and Eren couldn't remember his mother having bruises or any fighting.

But what were real memories, and what were things Eren had made up in captivity?

"Eren, I need you to listen," Erwin said, slowly but firmly. "This wasn't your fault, okay? There isn't always a bad guy in divorce. I know that's so confusing, but sometimes people just...grow apart. Sometimes it's better to be away from each other than to act like they want to be together."

"Is that...?" Eren sobbed, and Mikasa squeezed him again. This was too much for the boy, and Mikasa was worried for him.

"Yes," Levi said. "We looked into their divorce records. There were no accusations of infidelity or abuse."

Eren shook his head, so confused. Levi left out the part in the records that stated the two "wanted what was best for their son." Levi wasn't sure how Eren would react, so Levi would bring it up another time.

"Do you need a minute to process all this, Eren?" Erwin asked, getting up to hand Eren the box of tissues on his night stand. Eren took one and sniffled.

"Did momma kill herself first, or did daddy die first?"

Levi and Erwin both tensed. They knew they needed to phrase questions like this right.

"Your mother passed away after your father," Levi responded simply.

"Was it because he died and I was missing?"

Levi and Erwin both shifted.

"Eren, none of this is your fault," Levi started.

"Okay!" Eren screamed, breaking away from Mikasa. "None of this is my fault! I get it! Could you just tell me what the fuck happened? I'm not a child and I'm not a fucking idiot!"

Levi and Erwin were both startled, but hid it well. They had expected an outburst, but not of that kind.

"We apologize," Erwin said. "We just aren't sure how to - "

The door suddenly opened, and everyone in the room was greeted by a short nurse with a pixie cut and scowl.

"I think you two need to leave."

"We apologize," Erwin said again, this time to the woman. "This is a very private topic, one that we feel is important for Eren - "

"Then tell him in therapy," the nurse snapped. "You're delaying the schedule for other patients and making this patient obviously upset - "

"I'm sorry," Eren said quickly. "It really won't happen again."

"This is therapy," Mikasa said hotly. "And we were told we had our own schedule compared to the other inmates here, so everything you said is insignificant."

"Excuse me?"

"I think you're the one that needs to leave," Mikasa stated, much more confidently than she felt. She wasn't sure if this was considered a therapy session and she hadn't been told she and Eren had a different schedule. Since she was lying anyway, she decided to throw in one more. "Also? This is a private therapy session, so you need to knock before you come in. Which you didn't."

"Well, excuse me," the nurse began sarcastically. "I'm just - "

"I think Doctor Sathry will love to hear about this. And maybe Good Morning America."

The nurse rolled her eyes and slammed the door, startling Eren. Mikasa put her arms around Eren defensively. She wanted to swear at the men for making Eren go through so much pain, but she knew it wasn't their fault. Eren needed to know.

"Sorry," Eren mumbled.

"It's alright," Erwin said nonchalantly."You're going through a lot at the moment, and you had no control over that nurses actions - which were very rude, inconsiderate, and unprofessional."

Eren shook his head slowly, then laid it on Mikasa's shoulder.

" 'M tired."

"Would you like to finish our conversation another day?"

Eren shook his head at Erwin's question.

"Why did momma kill herself? Was it... 'cause she was alone?"

"Not necessarily, Eren," Erwin replied, shifting to a similar sitting pattern as Levi. "Your father...he's been gone for several years now."

Levi glanced at Erwin; they had agreed to not bring up time concerning their deaths.

"After your father passed away, though," Erwin said quickly. "Your mother...she found out she had cancer, Eren. She wanted to go on her own terms."

Eren's mouth was slack, but he shook his head slowly. There were a million things he wanted to know, but he wasn't sure how to word the questions.

"Eren, there are several more things you need to know," Levi said. "Your mother and father both had money for you, before and after their deaths."

"I don't care about the money," Eren huffed, tears falling again. It was true, he had no use for money - he didn't know what he would buy or even how money worked; he was never good at counting change or allowance, so he had always let his mother keep it and ask her to pay for things he wanted to buy.

Money would never replace his parents.

Erwin and Levi both nodded in understanding. They had reviewed the divorce papers and death statements, as well as the wills for both parents. The money Eren has was over quadruple digits, but this wasn't a concern for him so the men let it be for the time.

"Eren, your mother had also left a note."

"A suicide note?" Eren asked, wondering why Mr. Smith would bring up such a thing.

"A note for you," Erwin responded quietly. "It was in a sealed envelope and no one has opened it. Mr. Ackerman has it in his office, and if you like he can - "

"I want to read it," Eren said. "I want to read it as soon as possible."

"I can bring it to you in an hour," Levi said, rising. "We need to check on Armin, and after that I can leave and come back. Would that be alright?"

Eren shook his head, feeling exhausted.

"I'm going to stay here," Erwin explained. "When we're finished with Armin, I thought you and I can talk, or if you're tired maybe me and Mikasa. Is that okay?"

Mikasa's heart skipped, but Eren shook his head.

"I just want to sleep right now," Eren said with a yawn. "But I want to wake up when Mr. Ackerman gets back."

"Alright," Erwin said, standing with his husband. "You were so brave today, Eren. We'll see you in an hour or so, okay?"

Levi and Erwin exited the room, silent. In the privacy of an empty elevator, the two wrapped their arms around one another, inhaling deeply.

"We did good," Erwin whispered, kissing his husband's dark locks.

"He's going to ask," Levi muttered into Erwin's chest.

"We'll answer when he does," Erwin said, pulling away as the elevator doors opened on Armin's floor. "He's a lot stronger than we gave him credit for."

That part was true, Levi knew for sure. But how could Levi tell him the last detail he and Erwin didn't want to share?

Not only did Eren's mother commit suicide just a week before, but Levi had seen his mother, Carla. She had stood in Levi's office, the letter in her hand.

"Matthews isn't here?" she had asked. She had gone to his cubicle to find it empty and Levi's was the next available.

"Sorry," Levi had responded, not concerned. He had been occupied with Mikasa's case as well as helping a rookie with a robbery.

"Can you give this to him?" Carla asked, handing Levi the envelope. "Sorry - he'll know who it's for."

And she was gone.

Eren's letter lay in one of Levi's desk drawers, forgotten. Levi figured it was a card or something and with Mikasa's case as well as few others, he had forgotten about the letter until he rescued the trio.

After getting basic information - such as Matthews having been on Eren's case, and learning the way Eren spelled his name - Levi was certain the envelope and what lay inside belonged to the boy he had found. Levi just wasn't sure what was written in the note and if it would help the boy grieve or make things worse.

...

Armin woke up cold, alone, and unsure of where he was.

Did mom forget to pay the power bill again? He thought groggily, pulling his blanket up to his chin and rolling on his side. He was sore and his left elbow hurt, but he was too tired to care.

A few minutes - or hours - later he began to cough and couldn't seem to stop. He sat up and didn't understand why he was in a hospital with an IV in his arm, but he was certain he was going to suffocate from coughing.

Someone rushed into the room and began all but beating the blonde on his back, and he had never been more grateful. After coughing up a lung - or, more accurately, phlegm from his lungs - Armin fell back onto his bed, freezing and sore but a little more aware of his surroundings. He was in a hospital with an IV in his arm, and what appeared to be an oxygen mask on his face. What had happened to him?

"Glad to see you're up," the nurse said, fiddling with Armin's IV. "We were starting to get a little worried about you. Now we can tell reporters to stop saying you're in "critical condition"."

Everything seemed to hit Armin all at once. The kidnapping, rape, being ill - but he could not remember how he had escaped.

"T - there's a boy and a girl," Armin said weakly, beginning to panic. Had they made it out too?

"It's alright," the nurse whispered. "They're here too, just on a different floor. You have pneumonia, so we put you with the other patients who aren't feeling good, okay? Everyone's fine."

Armin relaxed, his eyelids getting heavy. He wasn't worried about being sick; his mother had pneumonia several times before. He was worried about his school work, but not much so. They would understand what happened, and so would everyone where he worked. In a week or two he could go back and pretend nothing had happened.

It's how he dealt with all his other problems, and he had turned out alright.

Armin fell asleep again, this time to be awoken by two men in his room. One was a large blonde with a kind face, and the other was short and dark haired. The short one had deep frown line and wrinkles decorating his eyes, but something about him made Armin feel at ease.

"Hi there," the blonde said. "We didn't mean to wake you. You feeling alright?"

Armin nodded his head, despite feeling weak and as if he were about to have another coughing fit. He wondered if these men were reporters.

"I'm Erwin Smith, a psychologist who specializes in sexual abuse and trauma. This is Levi Ackerman - he's working on your case as well, and he's the one who rescued you."

Memory flickered in Armin's mind, but only for a moment.

"It's okay if you don't remember everything right away," Levi reassured. "If you feel like talking you can just tell us what you know, and if not you can rest up and talk when you're ready."

Armin shrugged his shoulders. His throat hurt, but he was also exhausted and hurt in ways he couldn't explain.

"That's alright," Erwin said, laying a card on Armin's bedside table. "This has both our personal numbers, and you can call us at any time, day or night. We're in here every day to visit Mikasa and Eren, and we've stopped in to visit you as well - "

"How long - ?" Armin asked suddenly, his sentence being choked off by a cough.

"Just two days," Levi said quickly, raising his hands. "You've just been asleep two days. You've been exhausted."

Once Armin's coughing fit was over, his throat felt raw and he wanted to go back to sleep, but he needed to ask one more question.

"Will they be okay?"

After a moment, Erwin responded.

"It'll take time," he said carefully. "But with therapy and each other to talk to, I think all three of you will be alright."

The two men left shortly after, and Armin wanted to tell them he was just fine. He was shook up, yes, and a little sick, but once all this was over he would return to school and live as if nothing had happened. A part of him wasn't sure he ever wanted to see the two teens again, but he wasn't sure yet.

Armin wasn't sure if he was being selfish and inconsiderate, but a part of him didn't care. He had spent his whole life working hard so everyone would stop pitying him for his past, and now he was right back to where he started - except, perhaps, a little worse.

He wanted to turn on the T.V to see if it was at least on the local news, but he was too tired. He figured a few kids being kidnapped and raped by a psycho wasn't really newsworthy, especially considering they had all escaped. Armin knew the media loved gory, grizzly details of such events, most of which usually include death - however, this particular case did not have a single death. Armin wondered if that meant the media had already grown bored.

Curiosity getting the best of him, Armin reached for the remote attached to his bed and turned on the T.V, finding CNN after only a few clicks.

The volume was off and Armin couldn't figure out how to either turn it up or turn subtitles on, but the screen showed a yard being completely dug up, surrounded by police and CSI. The headline read "Skeletal remains discovered in backyard."

See? Armin thought. Everyone's forgot about this. I can move on. We all can.

Gripping the remote, Armin felt notches on the side. Figuring it was for the volume - and figuring correctly - Armin turned the volume up slowly.

"...And what do we know so far?" the blonde newswoman asked the man standing in front of the house.

"All we know is skeletal remains were found. They're being investigated as we speak, but no one has stated how many bodies were found."

"Now, the Detective on this case - Levi Ackerman - was the one who said there may be bodies located on the property?"

Armin's heart skipped.

"We don't know exactly what occurred due to the excitement, but local police were tipped that Luke Matthews may have kidnapped two other boys and killed them, but when this happened and their identities are unknown."

Armin vomited on his bed sheets and had another coughing fit. A nurse helped clean him up and turned off his television.

"It's alright, honey," she whispered, applying a wet cloth to his forehead. "You deal with all this when you're ready."

Armin wanted to tell her there was nothing to deal with - and even if there was he was certainly ready - but his new blankets were warm and the medicine he received made everything a little fuzzy around the edges, so he closed his eyes and wished for a coma.

Chapter 11

Chapter Text

Mikasa and Erwin sat in silence.

Mikasa rubbed her hands together nervously, glancing at the small recorder on the table, pointed at her. Their interviews needed to be recorded from here on out for the trial, even though Luke Matthews was dead. If they each had recorded interviews, they wouldn't have to show up for the trial since there was no one to prosecute.

"Would you like something to drink?" Erwin asked politely. Mikasa shook her head, even though her throat was dry. She looked around the small office, wishing for a window or better light. Mikasa felt like she was in a meth lab.

The hospital offered a private office for Erwin to use during interviews, so long as there was recordings of these interactions for obvious reasons. Despite Erwin being a therapist, he knew the possible dangers of being alone in a room with a teenager for hours - he wouldn't be surprised if the media questioned the trio on what happened during these "private talks".

Erwin cleared his throat, then shuffled the papers in front of him.

"If the camera being on you makes you uncomfortable, I can cover it and we can use the audio," Erwin offered.

"It's fine," Mikasa lied. She rubbed her palms on her hospital sheet.

"Can you tell me when this all began for you?"

Mikasa figured Mr. Smith was done beating around the bush.

"I was living with a foster mother here," Mikasa explained. "I walked to the library a lot, and he would always - "

"Who?" Erwin asked.

"Luke Matthews," Mikasa sighed. She had to be clear on details like that.

"Go on."

"Luke Matthews would ask if I wanted a ride almost every time I went to the library. One day I said yes because it was cold or something, and he said he had to stop by his house. I went inside with him and he over powered me."

"Why did he need to stop at his house?" Erwin inquired.

Shit, Mikasa thought. Panic flooded her eyes momentarily, but it was long enough for Erwin to see.

"His book," Mikasa whispered. "He said he had a book at home he needed to return. I...it didn't feel right, but at that point I was already in the car and...you know."

"I see," Erwin replied. "Can you tell me how long you were in captivity?"

"Three or four months."

"Can you explain some of the things you were put through as a result of Luke Matthews actions?"

"I was raped, vaginally and anally, almost daily for the first few weeks. I had to use a bucket for a toilet and was chained to the bed or Eren, and I had to wear a motorcycle helmet to stop from screaming when he was at work."

Mikasa much preferred these cut and dry details.

"Can you explain your eating habits during the time of your captivity?"

"I usually only got dinner. It was usually fast food, but once a week he would hold a "family dinner" or some crazy shit."

"And what would occur during these dinners?"

"We had to pretend like we were family or he would beat or starve us. One time he raped me on the table because I wouldn't play along."

"And this happened weekly?"

"Yes."

Erwin made a note on his paper, both he and Mikasa wishing the interview could be over.

"I see. Were you ever physically injured due to Luke Matthews actions?"

"I had scrapes and bruises, and when I got here they said a muscle or something tore in my shoulder. They couldn't really do anything though."

"Did Luke Matthews ever offer you medical care?"

"No."

"Mikasa, did Luke ever give you the option to leave his home?"

"No."

"Did you ever consent to any sexual act with Luke?"

Mikasa's heart caught in her throat.

"No," she said, avoiding Mr. Smith's eye. She wondered if it would be considered a lie or not.

"Alright. I think we'll stop the interview today, Mikasa. Thank you very much for your time; I know it must have been difficult to talk about."

Erwin made a few notes and shut off the video recorder. However, he made no move to stand. Mikasa's heart fluttered.

"Mikasa, I'd like to talk to you about a few things," Erwin said gently, setting down his pen and clasping his hands together. "I'm a little concerned about something, but it doesn't concern the trial. Just...client to therapist."

Mr. Smith referring to their relationship as client and therapist made Mikasa relax, but only slightly. They weren't friends. Mr. Smith's opinion didn't matter; it wasn't his job to have one. Still, Mikasa wanted Mr. Smith to think highly of her - she was the victim turned hero after all. At least, that's what the news was saying. A part of her knew Armin was the real hero, and she would eventually set the record straight.

"What about?" Mikasa asked, crossing her arms and shifting in her seat.

Erwin saw her going into defense mode, and he knew that often meant her emotions would be on lock down.

"Well, I'm just not too clear on how you were abducted."

Erwin's statement was blunt but gentle, and Mikasa's ears were turning red.

"It's not important to the trial," Erwin said quickly. "But I think it's something for us to possibly discuss."

"Why?"

Attitude punctuated Mikasa's question, but her fingers tightened around her forearm. Erwin had struck a cord.

He wondered if Levi had been correct.

"Well, Luke used his status to abduct Eren and Armin - however, he was not in a police car when you were abducted, and it seems as though he never mentioned his title to you. I just don't understand how you trusted him so easily."

"Because I'm stupid," Mikasa said simply.

"No, you're not. You didn't trust him, but you got in his car any way. I read your diary, Mikasa."

Erwin left out the fact that Levi read Mikasa's diary and shared information with him. Mikasa needed someone she felt like she could trust, and her diary being read - no matter how vital the situation - made her privacy feel violated. Erwin didn't mind being the bad guy if it meant getting the full understanding of her situation.

Color drained from Mikasa's face.

"So what do you think I was doing?"

"I never said you did anything. I just want to understand the full situation."

Erwin's voice was gentle, but Mikasa was too afraid to admit anything.

"Tell me what you think, then."

"I'm sorry?" Erwin had not expected that question.

"Why do you think I got in Luke's car?"

"That isn't for me to decide," Erwin said. "I just - "

"Tell me what you think and I'll tell you if you're right or wrong."

Erwin was not one to bargain, but he figured there couldn't be harm in this situation.

"And if I'm correct, we discuss it in another session."

Mikasa bit her lower lip.

"And if you're wrong, we never bring it up again."

Erwin smiled. He got along well with many of his clients, but he was taking a liking to Mikasa.

"Deal."

Mikasa nodded her head, wondering what she had gotten herself into. There was a chance he could be wrong, but even if he was, would she really never want to talk about it? Mikasa trusted this man - a part of her felt like he truly knew her from reading her diary - so would this be something she could never bring up?

Of course not.

Next week, next year - she would want to talk about it. It was a lose/lose situation for her, and they both knew it.

But she could at least pretend she didn't know. She'd swallow her pride another time.

"You only have one chance, you know." Mikasa smiled, but her fingers were leaving white imprints on her forearms. Erwin sighed.

"Mikasa, I believe you were offering your body to Luke Matthews in exchange for money."

Time slowed, but only for a moment.

"You think I'm a prostitute," Mikasa replied bluntly.

"I think you were, yes."

The past tense was a nice touch, but Mikasa wasn't falling for it.

She would admit to nothing.

"I don't think you offered," Erwin said softly. "I think Luke may have made an offer you couldn't pass. And if you knew he was a detective, it would make you suspicious. I think you were going to turn a trick with him, then run away with the money you received. I think you went to his house, then he over powered you."

Erwin rested his arms on the table and leaned forward.

"And I think a part of you feels guilty because you offered consent. I think a part of you wonders if what he did would even be considered rape, but I promise that it is. Consent to sex isn't saying yes to rape or captivity, Mikasa."

Tears flowed silently down Mikasa's face. She stood and turned, leaving the small office to go back to her room. Erwin did not stop her. He rested his head in his hands.

Of all the times he wanted to be right, this was not one of them.

...

Levi had to sneak in the back of his own workplace, which was complete bullshit if you ask him.

News trucks guarded the front entrance, reporters interviewing police officers and ex cons - anyone who may have known Luke or the missing children.

Or the dead ones.

Levi forced the thought out of his mind as he quietly entered the building, briskly walking to his cubicle. Voices were heard over computer keys and ringing phones, and Levi couldn't imagine the excitement from someone else's end.

Once in his cubicle, Levi opened his drawer. After shuffling a few items, he found the envelope addressed to Eren.

He swiftly placed it in his inside jacket pocket and grabbed his coffee thermos. It was a pathetic excuse if he were caught, but it was better than nothing. If any one caught him back, they would assume it would be related to the case. Levi didn't feel like it was anyone's business what the letter entailed, and as far as he was concerned no one had to know about it.

Levi wanted as much of this case kept out of the public eye as possible.

Levi exited the police station undetected, which was a feat he found remarkable. Once inside his car and safely on the street, Levi removed the letter and set it in the passenger seat. It felt heavy in his pocket, although he knew that was impossible. Still, Levi was worried about what the letter contained.

Levi knew from experience there were some family matters that children were best kept out of.

Levi pulled into the hospital parking lot, again having to avoid news trucks. Due to the hospital being private property, the reporters were along the side road and none were in the hospital, unlike the day before.

Still, that didn't stop other patients from taking pictures of the trio and selling them to the media.

As Levi parked his car and walked inside, his stomach burned. He wished people understood that the teens were not celebrities - they were young adults that have experienced the worst kind of tragedy and needed time to heal. However, Levi figured they would eventually open up about what happened, and that was okay as long as they were ready.

Levi stepped out of the elevator on Eren and Mikasa's floor, smiling at the nurse at the head desk. Erwin was outside their door, looking forlorn. Their eyes met and Erwin nodded silently.

Levi had not wanted to be right concerning Mikasa's actions leading her to be abducted, but it was not a concern for the trial or media. Levi stepped into the room, surprised to see Eren awake already, if he had even gone to sleep at all.

Eren sat up quickly, a smile playing on his lips. He had not slept, but he hadn't cried much either. He felt numb. The past five years, Eren lived under the assumption that the worst possible thing that could ever be done had happened to him. Now, he wondered if he had even been close.

"Is that it?" Eren asked as Levi pulled the envelope out of his jacket pocket. He scooted closer the end of the bed, his hand eagerly outstretched.

As Eren delicately took the envelope, Levi glanced at Mikasa, who was laying on her stomach on her bed. He didn't figure she was asleep, but Levi thought it best not to disturb her.

"Will you be alright reading it alone?" Levi asked.

Eren stared at his name, written in his mother's handwriting. It was the same handwriting on his birthday cards and lunchbox notes, and it was the one thing Eren never realized he missed, and now it was the last thing he had.

"I...um. Not right now. I don't want to read it right now."

Eren's words slipped out before he could process them. He wasn't sure why he wanted to wait, but he didn't feel comfortable reading it now.

"That's fine," Levi said, hiding his shock well. "Would you like to hold onto it yourself?"

"Yes, please," Eren said quickly, the letter trembling in his hands.

...

Later that night, Levi was slouched over the edge of the bed. He could hear the shower running and wondered if Erwin would want to talk when he got out. Levi hoped not.

No matter how much time passed, Levi was not ready to talk about his mother.

Erwin knew the basics, but not the details. That had always been alright with both of them. Still, there were times Levi wondered if he and his mother would be the only ones who knew what happened. There were days Levi wanted to tell Erwin everything, but he just couldn't find the words.

This was one of those days.

As Levi ached in a pain that could never go away, Armin stared at the hospital ceiling, feeling more helpless than when he was in captivity.

While no one was sure who the children found in Matthew's backyard were yet, reporters were researching the teens and discovered that Armin was considered an adult, which meant his name had been publicly released.

As well as information on his mother.

Apparently Mikasa was a foster child and Eren's parents had died, but that's all that could be told considering they were legally minors. The media was trying to squeeze out as much of a sob story as they could, and Armin was the perfect solution.

Within forty-eight hours, they not only had his name and where he went to school, but also had medical reports of his mother's. Not only had she been schizophrenic, she had committed suicide - as far as the media was concerned, she was just as guilty as Luke Matthews, although no one cared to explain how. All anyone talked about was how Armin was forced to mature when he wasn't ready.

Armin wanted to correct them. He wanted to tell them he hadn't graduated high school and gone to college because he felt forced too. He wanted to tell them he did not blame his mother and they shouldn't either.

But most of all, Armin wanted his mother.

He wanted her warmth, her comfort, he wanted her before everything bad happened.

Armin wanted the mother he barely remembered.

Mikasa and Eren tossed and turned, but did not speak. They knew the other was awake, but neither could comfort the other, even if they fully understood what the other was feeling.

Mikasa wanted to go back in time, before she were ever born. She wished she had never been born, that her parents had never even met. Most of all, she wished she could find a way to make her parents death mean something.

Her mother told her to run, and she failed. Her mother's last wish, and Mikasa had failed her.

Mikasa felt as though she would never rid herself of the guilt.

Eren huddled under his blanket, his eyes on the sealed envelope on his night stand. It held the last memory of his mother, and Eren did not understand why he felt as though his mother was inside the envelope. Not his actual mother of course, but the last memory he would ever have. Once the letter was read, Eren would have no more memories of his mother. She would truly be gone forever.

Eren could not bring himself to open the envelope.

That night, three teenagers and one man mourned for the loss of their mothers and longed for the maternal love they thought they would never feel again.

Chapter 12

Chapter Text

"Does...is it okay?" Eren asked, outside the bathroom he shared with Mikasa.

"Yeah," she responded. "I don't need help or anything."

"Sorry," Eren mumbled, blushing. He retreated to his bed, cursing his curiosity. Mikasa emerged a minute or so later, wearing a much cleaner hospital gown.

"Sorry you had to see that," Mikasa said, blush reaching her cheeks as well. "It's usually not that bad."

"It's okay!" Eren responded, eager to make his friend feel better. "You can't help it - do you need a foot rub? Or something?"

While Mikasa appreciated the generosity, she stifled a laugh.

"Eren, I got my period. I'm not going to die."

"But...doesn't it hurt?"

"A little," Mikasa admitted. "But it's nothing I haven't dealt with before. I'll be fine." Mikasa relaxed in her bed, as much as she could with a hospital sanitary pad the size of a diaper in her panties.

Around five that morning, Mikasa had woken with a sick feeling - and blood staining her hospital gown and sheets. She had never been one to have a heavy period, and Mikasa figured something was wrong. She calmly pressed the button to call the nurse, who then proceeded to freak out and wake up Eren, who also began to panic.

Half an hour later, Mikasa had a shower and was given clean clothes and sheets. Eren seemed to be beside himself with worry, and Mikasa tried to think of ways to calm him down and address the issue both, but nothing was coming to mind. Fortunately, it was Eren who broke the silence.

"My mom used a tampon to stop a bloody nose I had once."

Eren's statement was stated with such calmness it took Mikasa back.

"What?"

"I got hit in the face with a soccer ball when I was eight, I think. I was crying and everyone was freaking out, and the coach didn't have anything and wanted to call an ambulance, which scared me more. But...my mom was there, and she put my head in her lap and put this thing up my nose, and ta-da! The blood stopped. I..." Eren chuckled, suddenly realizing how embarrassing his memory was. "I didn't know what it was. I didn't really care I guess, but the other mom's got mad because the kids were asking what it was and...well. You know."

"That was really sweet," Mikasa said honestly. "I bet your mom was...she loved you a lot, huh?"

"Yeah," Eren said, glancing at the unopened letter on his table. "She did."

As much as Mikasa hated too, she clutched her stomach and faked a groan.

"Stupid cramp," she lied. "I think I'm going to try to sleep it off, okay?"

"That's fine. I think I'll finally check out the lounge."

Mikasa closed her eyes as Eren rose from his bed and exited the room. She did not like lying to Eren and hated that he was going someplace alone, although she wasn't sure why. She just didn't want him to ask about her mother, even though she knew his intentions would mean well.

Mikasa's last memory of her mother was her being murdered, and the memories before that were a little hazy. The last thing she wanted was to bring up the past and burden Eren with her troubles.

Eren deserved to have happy memories.

...

Erwin set his phone on the kitchen table, taking a breath for the first time in what felt like ages.

"Well, that was the lawyer," Erwin stated.

"I figured that much," Levi replied grumpily. Patience was not one of his virtues. "What did they say? What's going on?"

"She's going to meet with them tomorrow, and have their psych evaluations and all that ready then."

"She's giving us twenty four hours to see how much that fucker damaged them?" Levi asked, appalled. "That isn't nearly enough time!"

"I'm just as upset as you are," Erwin reassured, placing a calm hand on Levi's arm. "But right now, we mostly just need statements and evidence. The police have taken pictures of every inch of that house twice, and with your statement and what the three kids can give us, I doubt the state will try to deny it."

"And then what?" Levi asked. "What are the kids getting out of this? Luke's not even going to prison his entire life, and once all this is over and the news and shit finds some other town to bother, where are the kids going to go?"

Levi was pissed, and Erwin knew it. Erwin also knew he was about to get even more pissed.

"I've been thinking about that," Erwin replied softly. Levi waited.

"And?"

It took several more seconds of silence for Levi to put two and two together. He sighed and his face met his palm.

"Erwin. We need to think about this."

"I have - "

"You have, yes, but I haven't - "

"What's there to think about?"

Levi pushed his bangs out of his face, as he did when he was frustrated. One thing he loved about his and Erwin's marriage was that no matter how much they disagreed, they never raised their voices at each other. Quite the opposite, they were both prone to whispering when they were angry.

Erwin took a breath.

"Yes, I should have consulted you first," Erwin admitted. "But I'm their therapist. I could offer unlimited sessions any time they want! And you...well..."

"What?"

"Well, you're their hero."

It certainly caught Levi off guard, but the man hid it well.

"They aren't going to drool over me and ask for my autograph. I did what I had to do and you know that. They do too."

"Yes," Erwin agreed slowly. "But, they already have a bond with you, weather they know it or not."

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

"You want to keep them here until - when? We can't keep them for - " Levi's voice caught in his throat at a sudden realization. "Erwin, no."

"We haven't even discussed it!" Erwin exclaimed.

"We don't need to! We can't adopt them - hell, Armin's legally an adult, what are we going to do with him?"

"I think going back to school will be tough after what happened," Erwin said calmly. Of course he had thought of this also. "I think he'll need a place to stay until he feels comfortable going back, or at least living on campus."

"And what if he feels comfortable after he gets out of the hospital? What if Eren and Mikasa decide they don't want to see each other or us because they want this ordeal behind them? Then what?"

It was a scenario Erwin had pondered on, but not for long. He and Levi had discussed adoption in the past and knew they wanted an older child or two, but they had never set their plans in stone. Erwin knew it was wrong of him to decide these things without discussing them with his husband, but he was certainly getting attached to the children as well, and he knew Levi was too.

"We'll deal with that when it comes," Erwin said. "As for Armin, he can do what he wishes. But Mikasa and Eren are children and wards of the state, and I feel that it's our duty to be their guardians - even if it's for a short time."

Levi closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"Is that what you're going to tell their lawyer tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"You're so fucking noble," Levi grumbled, without a hint of bitterness and only a little sarcasm.

...

Armin no longer needed someone to pound on his back to cough up phlegm - which he figured was a good thing - but it seemed as though what he coughed up was never ending, and the shivers and chills wouldn't go away. Armin knew he wasn't going to die, but it certainly felt like it.

However, he had more important things on his mind.

He was roughly a week behind in his classes, which may as well be suicide in college.

"I need to contact my professor's," Armin mumbled to a nurse. He was half asleep due to the medicine, but determined none the less.

"Okay, dear," the nurse said, as if taking a request from a toddler. "Maybe after your nap."

Armin wanted to disagree, but he was pretty tired. Once the nurse was gone he bundled under his covers, thankful he was beginning to feel better. He no longer needed an oxygen mask and his IV should be out by the end of the week, and hopefully by then he could explain all this to his professors and get something worked out.

But he knew everyone knew what happened. Everyone knew he was kidnapped and raped, and that his mother was sick and committed suicide. If he went back to school, could he deal with the other classmates knowing? Could he deal with the stares, the whispers?

Armin chided himself. Of course he could. Armin had done it in elementary school, when he wore dirty clothes everyday because his mother didn't clean them. He had done it in middle school, when he was always the smartest kid but still weird enough to towel whip in the locker room. He had done it in high school when he had skipped grades and ate lunch alone. Armin could do it again.

He had too.

Armin fell asleep again, trying to remember his notes for his English class.

...

The next day proved to be a difficult one for everyone.

Erwin had called the trio and informed them they would be meeting with a lawyer, but that did nothing to prepare them for the legal terminology, prodding questions, and lack of empathy from the lawyer.

While she seemed very educated in what she was doing, she was blunt and seemed to be in a hurry.

"Couldn't we have found someone better?" Levi had text Erwin while she interviewed Eren. She asked him to describe "a typical rape" from Luke Matthews, despite Erwin telling her he had video interviews of them.

"Not up to us," was all Erwin could respond.

Four and a half hours, Erwin and Levi watched her interview the trio, making them go into explicit detail about their torture. The men couldn't do anything, and neither could the children.

It was a pretty cut and dry case, especially considering the main and only suspect had died under suspicious circumstances, but everything had to be certain.

The bodies were another story.

DNA results would be back in within the next week, and every one knew it. Luckily the media was focusing on that instead of the recovering teens - however, no one seemed to know how old the children were, or how long they had been dead. Luke kidnapping Armin an hour away made Levi unsure of were the children were from, and there was always a chance he didn't use his title of Detective to lure the children.

The police station's phones were blowing up with parents of missing children - some from different states - stating their child had been nine or ten when abducted or gone missing X amount of time ago. It was a never ending loop, and Levi wondered if he would ever be able to look at his job the same way again.

That afternoon, Levi and Erwin were at the hospital checking in with the teens before they went home. It seemed all they could do was apologize, but the trio seemed to understand.

"Once this trial's over, it's all over," Mikasa had said.

"I'll never have to talk about it again," Armin replied.

Eren was a different story.

"Can I talk to you?" he had whispered to Levi while Erwin talked to Mikasa, the hospital divider in between them.

"Sure."

"I want to talk about it - like, what happened. I'm okay talking about it. Is that weird?"

Eren sounded truly worried, and Levi was unsure what to say.

"No," he assured. "People respond to...these things differently."

Eren seemed relieved, and for Levi that was all that mattered.

Levi and Erwin made their way to the elevator, thankful to be going home. Things seemed excitable in the halls and waiting room, but the men were too tired to notice. When they stepped out into the parking lot, they say what all the fuss was about.

At least a hundred people were in the front parking lot, and it seemed as though more were coming. Little booths were set up along the hospital entrance, selling flowers, stuffed animals, and white candles - the first two were to go to the the teens, and the candles would be lighted in honor of them.

Levi and Erwin were unsure what to do, or how the teens would react.

"First of all, who the fuck let this happen?" Levi snapped. "This is private property."

"Probably someone in charge of the hospital," Erwin figured. "I guess it's considered a charity event."

Levi and Erwin made their way back into the hospital, Erwin going to see Eren and Mikasa and Levi stopping by Armin's floor.

"He needs to see Eren and Mikasa," Levi informed the doctor - and Armin.

"Why?" the blonde and the nurse asked. Armin had not seen Mikasa or Eren since they were rescued, and he was uneasy doing it now.

"It's an emergency," Levi lied.

Minutes later, Armin was wheeled into an elevator with his IV.

"It's not an emergency, is it?" Armin whispered, although they were alone.

"Pretty damn close," Levi grumbled.

Once wheeled into the room, the three shared awkward hello's and glances. Erwin thought it best to let them talk a minute, but Levi got straight to the point.

"Apparently they're holding a charity event in your honor outside and they're going to do a candle vigil or some shit. We just wanted you three to know, and if you're uncomfortable with it let us know and we'll shut it down."

Silence filled the room. Eren looked embarrassed, but Armin and Mikasa both looked shocked. Armin was the first to speak.

"I mean...they mean well. I guess."

He sounded unsure, and Mikasa nodded her head. Eren was avoiding their eyes and biting his lip.

"What's on your mind?" Erwin inquired. Eren opened his mouth, but closed it again. He was trying to think of a way to speak his feelings without his feelings getting the best of him.

"It's nice," Erem agreed slowly. "But why are they doing it now? Why did they wait until we were found? Why didn't anyone do it for Armin and Mikasa when they were gone, or the other two boys? What about all the other missing kids?"

Eren's hands were clenched and his nails dug into his palm. He was grateful so many strangers were showing their support, but he didn't feel as though he needed it as much as others.

"Eren, you make a good point," Erwin said calmly, everyone nodding in agreement. "But for now, this one is for all of you."

Eren mulled over this for a moment, then his eyes lit up.

"Can we burn one?" Eren asked.

It was the men's turn to mull. They couldn't leave the hospital property - but the vigil was in the parking lot. Their first public appearance could cause too much excitement, but there didn't seem to be any media present.

"Why don't you buy us candles, and we light them on the roof?" Mikasa asked.

"Light them on the roof?" Levi asked. "How are we supposed to get up there?"

"I don't know - the door that leads up there, that they keep unlocked?"

Before Levi could inquire how she knew there was a stair way leading to the roof and that it was unlocked, Erwin smiled.

"Mikasa, that's a great idea. We'll be back shortly."

"What is wrong with you?" Levi asked when they made it to the elevator. "Do you know how much trouble we could get in? Armin could get sicker, you know."

"Let them have their fun," Erwin replied with a shrug. "They need to catch up with each other, and they need a little fresh air - just five minutes."

Levi rolled his eyes but did not disagree. Once the men had successfully smuggled five candles and a lighter into the hospital, they made their way to the stairway Mikasa described. True to her word, the stairway led to the hospital roof.

Erwin had given Armin his jacket, and it went to his knees. The blonde was thankful for the warmth, and to finally be out of the hospital - and a wheelchair. Neither Eren or Mikasa took Levi's jacket although it was offered. They both enjoyed the crisp weather the twilight had to bring.

"Let's hurry and do this," Levi said, handing out the candles. Once the candles were distributed, Levi lit the teens candles, starting with Eren's. One by one, all the candles were lit. Levi put the lighter back in his pocket, but was unsure what to do or say. He looked to Erwin for guidance, but he seemed just as clueless.

Armin closed his eyes and bent his head over his lit candle. Figuring he was praying, the others followed suit.

Armin was the only one in the group that did not believe in a God, but the calmness, the peace he felt at that moment was the closest thing to holiness he had ever felt. His mother's face flashed in his mind, and he smiled.

Mikasa bent her head, her parents coming to mind as well. She wondered if they were proud of her, and she promised she would start taking better care of herself.

Eren's eyes closed, and he tried not to envision how many children were scared, alone, or dead. His candle burned for those gone, but also for those he knew would be found - and for those who would not.

Erwin and Levi's hands found one another, their candles burning together. They had never really discussed religion, but they did believe in some form of higher power. They never attended church or read the Bible, but in that moment, both men said the same prayer.

Thank you for bringing us together.

Chapter 13

Chapter Text

Days quickly turned into weeks, and the case seemed to stop. Slowly but surely, the media found other news to cover, and it seemed as though the trio was thankfully forgotten. Armin had made a full recovery and spent his time with Eren and Mikasa, who still shared a room. Armin had been moved to their floor, and luckily did not have a room mate.

The main focus for the three teens was to ensure their mental well being. Erwin visited and had a half hour session with each teen, even though he was needed full time back at the office. Levi was back on duty as well, but often visited the teens when Erwin was there. He would surprise them with things they hadn't had in years : Mikasa had wanted meatloaf, Armin asked for a book (that Levi had to order), but all Eren asked for was a Root Beer.

Eren was distant, and it was obvious to every one. While Mikasa and Armin seemed to benefit from individual counselling, Eren never had much to say. He would answer questions when Erwin prompted him, but never in too much detail. He seemed shy of Armin and was quieter around Mikasa.

"What's the problem?" Levi asked Erwin. Out of the three, Eren had been the excitable one, the helpful and sweet one. Now, Eren spent his time in counselling, watching T.V, or doing some activity regarding the psych ward. It pained Levi to see depression finally hit him.

Erwin sighed. The only thing he hated about being a therapist was that everyone expected you to have all the answers.

"There could be a couple things," Erwin said, pulling into their drive way. They were both exhausted after long days at work and almost two hours at the hospital. "Depression is a given. He could feel intimidated by Armin, or frighted at losing Mikasa, considering she was his only companion. He could be unsure what to do with his life now. I - I just don't know until he decides to open up."

"Can't you force him to talk?" Levi asked, stepping out of the car. Erwin scoffed.

"It's therapy, Levi, not an interrogation."

Levi rolled his eyes. Of course he didn't want Eren to feel forced to share his feelings - he certainly didn't have room to pass judgement. Levi was just afraid for the boy, and a part of him felt as though there was nothing he could do to help - which was a feeling he despised more than impatience.

"Do you think he'll hurt himself?"

Erwin stopped at his husbands comment, but only breifly. The blond continued to take off his jacket, although much slower. He was calculating his moves.

"It's possible," he admitted. "But, it's possible with anyone with depression, or who has been held against their will or lost their parents. Suicide is - "

"Cut the shit," Levi retorted bluntly. His husband talked facts and figures when he wanted to avoid a question. "Do you think the kid's going to or not?"

Erwin sighed.

"The fact that he hasn't or tried to already is a good sign," Erwin started. "But his entire world has changed, and he's realizing that. I think - I guarantee he's having suicidal or violent thoughts, but whether or not he'll act on them I can't say."

Erwin slumped on the couch, his shoulders sagging. Levi sat beside him, leaning on him in support. He felt guilty for nagging.

"Can't we request suicide watch?" Levi offered gently.

"Not without evidence he's suicidal," Erwin murmured. "I'm afraid of pushing him though - I don't want him getting further away."

Levi and Erwin held one another in silence.

...

That night, Eren laid in bed as he and Mikasa pretended to sleep. Eren did not know what kept Mikasa up at night and he didn't ask. Little did he know it was him.

"Eren?" Mikasa whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Something's wrong with you, and you need to tell me."

Mikasa's voice was gentle, but left no room for argument. Eren's voice caught in his throat. He knew better than to try to argue.

Eren stood and made his way to Mikasa. In the weeks that had passed, the three teens had received pajama's as well as articles of other clothes that had been donated by nurses and well wishers. Eren liked the way the cotton felt on his skin, and the warmth and comfort made him brave.

He slipped next to Mikasa, as he did very many nights. She scooted over to provide him room, but he reached for her hand. Mikasa let him hold her hand, although she wasn't sure why he would want to.

Once Eren was settled in next to Mikasa, their joined hands in between them, Eren spoke.

"Sometimes I dream about kissing you."

Mikasa's stomach turned, but her heart fluttered too. It was silly, she knew, for her to be acting like a child with a crush.

"That's okay," Mikasa said quickly. "I think that's normal."

"Do you have dreams like that too?" Eren asked, sounding as close to excited as he had in a week.

"Not exactly," Mikasa said.

"Oh."

Mikasa hated how disappointed Eren sounded, but she couldn't tell the truth. She couldn't tell him how she dreamed of kissing of Eren - and doing much more. She had brought it up to Erwin, but hadn't said the dreams were about Eren. Erwin had told her it was normal for her to turn her abuse into something romantic, but she wasn't sure how normal it was for her to dream about it with someone she had to call her brother.

Just the thought sickened her, and she let go of Eren's hand.

"I'm really tired, okay?" Mikasa lied. "I'm going to sleep."

Mikasa rolled over, taking the cover with her. She felt Eren rise from the bed - then place a chaste kiss on her cheek.

"Goodnight," he whispered.

Eren made his way to his bed and went to sleep quickly. He felt relieved to finally have gotten the dreams off his chest. Mikasa lay awake a little longer, crying silently. It was the first goodnight kiss she had received since her parents were murdered, and she promised to return one.

...

Erwin settled in his chair, trying to hide his excitement.

Eren had asked to have his counselling session first that day, because he "needed to talk." This could very well be a break through, but Erwin didn't want to seem to excited. Eren needed to know he could do things in his own time, especially when it came to his feelings.

"So, what did you need to talk about today?" Erwin prodded gently.

Eren avoided the man's eye and chewed a hang nail. He was afraid of telling Erwin - what if it was weird, or he made Eren and Mikasa sleep in different rooms. Or worse, what if he thought Eren might hurt Mikasa?

"I have dreams," Eren whispered. His voice quivered.

"Are they bad dreams?"

"No. They're dreams about Mikasa."

Eren sounded ashamed, and Erwin understood quickly what Eren meant. He was flooded with relief that this was the cause of Eren's aloofness, but Erwin knew there may be more emotions. He kept his relief at bay.

"I see. You and her seem to be very close, but that's normal considering your circumstances."

"Okay," Eren muttered, his hand fluttering back to his mouth. He worked the same hang nail for another minute or so.

"Is there anything else you'd like to talk about?" Erwin asked.

"Do you think I'd ever hurt someone?" Eren blurted. He felt as if a balloon had burst in his chest, and his shoulders sagged as if he had admitted a deep secret.

"What do you mean?" Erwin asked gently. "Do I think you'd ever hurt someone the way you were hurt?"

"I dunno," Eren whispered. "I guess like...will I ever kill somebody, or hurt someone really bad? Even if I love them, or they haven't done anything wrong?"

Erwin pondered a moment before answering.

"A lot of people who have been through years of abuse and neglect can turn out to be abusers themselves - it's called the cycle of abuse. However, there are many ways to break this cycle, one of which you're doing right now - receiving counselling."

"What are the other ways?" Eren asked, sounding intrigued. He had stopped chewing his nails and sat up in his chair.

"Well, certain things lead people to become abusers, especially if they were victims of abuse themselves, such as alcohol, drugs, and lack of education."

"How does the no education one work?" Eren asked, confused. He hadn't liked school growing up and never thought about attending college, even as he got older in his confinement.

"Lack of education typically means lower paying jobs. Lower paying jobs cause stress on households, especially if drugs and alcohol are prominent. Stress and the possible combination of substance abuse leads to physical abuse or neglect, and neglect can lead to sexual abuse."

All of this was new to Eren. He had grown up in a privileged household, far away from poverty and all it entailed - or so he thought.

"Can't - can't they get help?" Eren stuttered, trying to grasp on to any ounce of hope.

"There is government assistance, yes," Erwin assured. "However, the needs only go so far - typically only food and medical benefits, and even then the government only offers so much. Two parents with no substance abuse and one child on government assistance may not be so bad, but that isn't the reality. Most of the time it's a single parent with multiple children trying to make ends meet. Not everyone living in poverty faces abuse, neglect, or substance abuse," Erwin added quickly, "but poverty seems to be the biggest cause of these things."

Eren was trying to wrap his mind around each syllable. There was so much about the world he didn't understand.

"What can I do?"

Eren's question came out quiet, but determined. Erwin sighed, then placed his hand on the boy's.

"Eren, there's so much you could do. There's so much any one could do. But right now, we need to focus on you, okay?"

Eren chewed his lower lip and nodded his head. Determination was clear in his eyes.

"How can I get an education?" Eren asked, his voice strong. He hadn't moved his hand.

"You still need to spend two months here," Erwin reminded him. "After that, you can receive individual tutoring to see where your education level is. From there, you can choose to be placed in a public school, receive home schooling, or get your G.E.D."

Eren's teeth connected with his lower lip and his hand quivered.

"But let's not worry about that right now," Erwin continued. "We have plenty of time to think. Alright?"

Eren nodded his head, and Erwin squeezed his hand.

"Now - let's talk about that picture you painted yesterday. You seemed to enjoy the activity."

Eren smiled. He liked the hospital and the counselling services, but he knew he had bigger plans - a bigger purpose.

He just had to get out of the hospital.

...

Levi and Erwin lay together in bed, shifting as they tried to get comfortable.

"How's Armin adjusting?" Levi asked.

"Pretty good," Erwin replied with a yawn. "He keeps asking about returning to school."

"When do you plan on telling them?"

"Eren and I discussed his education today, and I tried bring it up with Mikasa but she doesn't seem to interested. I think I'll tell them when they're released."

The week before, Erwin and Levi had contacted Armin's college on his behalf. The teen had been distraught about missing classes, but when the school was contacted the men received great news. Not only was Armin's classes on hold - meaning he could return at any time, with no harm to attendance or financial aid - his classes were available online. The college was also working with the state and government to provide Armin's tuition free of cost - as well as Eren's and Mikasa's, if they chose to attend that college.

While the men figured the grant for the trio was a cop out (the school could face serious charges if Armin chose to prosecute) the men knew not to look a gift horse in the mouth, especially concerning free education. However, Erwin wasn't sure how Armin would respond being back at the place he was abducted, and Mikasa didn't seem interested in school at all. Eren seemed determined, but Erwin knew he didn't have a high school intelligence equivalency. He would need to be tutored several months or years before attending college.

Erwin and Levi found one another in the darkness. They held each other close, their silence speaking louder than anything. After a few minutes, Levi spoke.

"Did they bring it up?"

"No."

"Is that good?"

"I'm not sure, Levi. I think that's part of what's been bothering Eren."

"Hm."

The DNA test results had been released several weeks ago, and they had not matched any missing child in the state record.

The two boys were John Doe's.

They were either never reported missing, or they had been kidnapped from a different state. At least, that's what Levi and Erwin told the teens.

It was true the boys could have been taken across state lines, but with his political ties, the truth could be much worse. Far fetched, sure, but possible none the less.

"I've been doing research," Levi mumbled in his husband's chest. "You wouldn't believe the sick shit in his internet history."

"Let's not talk about this now," Erwin whispered.

"Sorry."

Levi offered a kiss as a token of apology, and Erwin accepted. As the two drifted to sleep, Levi still couldn't shake the possibility from his mind that there could be sex trafficking in his community - the place he had sworn to protect.

Sex trafficking was sick enough, but the possibility of sex trafficking children made Levi see red. He didn't know what he could do, but he'd be damned if he let the children go without names.

And if sex trafficking was the cause, he'd be damned if he let the leaders out alive.

The next morning, Levi awoke to a swore jaw - he had ground his teeth throughout the night.

Chapter 14

Chapter Text

As the trial quietly began and the children slowly healed, Levi's private investigation all but came to a halt. While it was true Luke Matthews internet history was more than troubling, there were no further leads. Credit cards showed no interesting payments, phone bills showed no frequent or questionable phone calls, and even his mental health wasn't questioned.

Four years before, Luke had shot and killed a man at a gas station robbery. Luke had been fired at twice and although Luke aimed for the man's arm, he had struck the man's chest. It was procedure that Luke receive counselling concerning the death, and only after six individual sessions the counselor approved Luke to come back to the force.

Levi felt as though he was at a dead end. He was stressed and tired, and so was Erwin. The teens release date was drawing closer, and while the men had given the teens the offer to live with them, it wasn't exactly met with optimism.

"I suppose I could live with you for a little while," Armin had said slowly. "But I do need to start taking my online classes, and after summer I really should move back to campus."

"So is every conversation going to be a therapy session?" Mikasa asked sarcastically.

"But where will I go after?" Eren asked quietly.

Erwin and Levi had requested the teens have a therapy session together to give them the news. Of course, none of them had to live with the men, but it was their best bet for the time being and possibly the future. Mikasa would not admit it, but the thought of someone actually wanting to take her in left a warmth in her chest. Eren, however, was not as excited. He had only lived with his parents and Luke his entire life and had been filled in on the foster system very quickly. As far as he was concerned, Erwin and Levi could loose interest in him and bounce him around to other homes whenever they wanted too.

Erwin understood Eren's concern.

"Let's not worry about that right now," Erwin had said kindly. "For now, let's focus on you three getting out of here healthy."

That seemed to appease the boy, but Levi was just as nervous. While it was clear Armin was a pretty good kid and Mikasa and Eren had great qualities, you never knew what to expect with trauma.

Levi knew it first hand.

While Levi wanted the teens to have the life they deserved and for the past to be put behind them, he knew it wasn't that easy.

Recently, Erwin had been shaking Levi awake, then rocking him back to sleep. Levi's jaw ached from grinding his teeth and his head hurt from lack of sleep.

After all this time, Levi's past had crept back into his life. The past had a funny way of entering someone's life, especially for Levi. The past could come quickly, like a slap - from a smell, or even a word. But usually the memories left just as quickly.

Or, in Levi's case now, the past crept in slowly, like a draft. Levi had tried to force it away, but it had only come back stronger. The past was stubborn, and restless. Even when Levi thought he had rid himself of it for good, he realized it had been following him like a shadow the whole time.

It was four fifteen in the morning, and Levi was slumped in his husband's chest. His heart hammered in his chest like a bird trying to escape a cage. Erwin sleepily held his husband, running his tired hands through Levi's hair.

"It's alright," Erwin muttered. " 'm right here."

Levi was not sleepy. In fact, his adrenaline was coursing through his veins and his breath escaped quickly. Levi's eyes darted in the darkness and his body shook.

Mom - mom - where - mom - please - no - mom - mom -

Levi's thoughts raced. For a few moments, Levi was not a man of thirty with a gun or physical training - he was a scared toddler, a frightened young boy. He was a little boy who wanted his mother, and food, and warmth a hundred blankets could not provide. He was a scared teenager with dexterous hands and a sharp knife, doing the only thing he had been trained to do.

But slowly, Levi came back. He was a strong man with an honest career. He had a husband, who's chest he was laying on was hot and slowly becoming smothering. Levi lifted himself, but only to Erwin's shoulder. Erwin brought him closer into an embrace.

The two men held one another, but did not speak. Words were not always needed with physical comfort.

"Sorry I woke you up," Levi muttered as he pulled away, exhausted.

"It's fine, " Erwin replied with a yawn. "Let's have better dreams now."

Levi laid down next to his husband and dozed off, hoping for no dreams at all.

...

Armin rubbed his eyes, irritated. He had been given privileges for good behavior (and pity) and was allowed to use one of the computers in the lounge. Armin had sent emails to his professors about attendance, but all he had gotten was the standard, Please take time off; Focus on your recovery first; blah blah blah.

Didn't anyone realize going back to class was a part of his recovery? Did no one think going back to his routine would make things better?

Armin sighed, logging off his email and heading back to his room. He was still alone, and he much preferred it. He enjoyed Mikasa and Eren's company far more than he thought he would, but there were times all he longed for was silence.

There was always noise. Growing up it was his parents arguing, then his mother talking to herself, then the noise of high school and college. Even at the hospital, there was beeping and nurses chatting, feet shuffling and pens clicking. All Armin wanted was peace and quiet.

But it was never quiet in his mind.

It wasn't schizophrenia - Armin had been to seven psychiatrists since he was 14. He could not rest until he had multiple opinions, and they all said the same thing. While it eased his mind, it didn't stop his illness.

The thoughts never stopped, and neither did the images that accompanied them. Violent, rushing images - blood, death, rape, torture. Things he had never witnessed, but still they flashed before his eyes and raced through his mind, until his throat closed up and his heart spun out of control.

The things Armin's violent intrusive thoughts made him think of he had never experienced or witnessed until he was taken. A part of him always figured once a tragedy did strike, the thoughts would ease. They had for his mother, who he used to think of getting mistreated in the hospital until her death. The thoughts seemed to spring out of no where, but once his mother committed suicide, his thoughts leaped else wear.

Armin had waited, and waited. The worst had happened, had it not? Armin had survived things many people hadn't or never could, even if it was only for a short period of time. He had encountered his worst intrusive thoughts - starvation, rape, imprisonment. It wasn't all he had intrusive thoughts or nightmares about, but they were the worst of the worst. So why were his thoughts still there?

Armin knew, of course. It was just a matter of admitting it. He hadn't brought up his illness to Levi, and had only mentioned it to Erwin in passing at a few sessions. Erwin didn't seem too concerned about it for the time being, but Armin knew he would want more detail sooner or later.

Armin had told the man he had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which wasn't a lie. Armin just didn't have the same symptoms most people recognized. Before counselling, he had thought OCD to be cleaning and hand washing as many people do, but the complexity of the disorder goes far deeper, as Armin soon learned.

Violent intrusive thoughts are a form of obsessive thoughts, and obsessive thoughts can turn into obsessive rituals. Almost all his counselors believed his disorder stemmed from feeling he had no control of his childhood, which made sense to him.

For the longest time, Armin believed that if the worst happened and he survived, the thoughts would end. Of course, at the time "the worst" consisted of a non fatal car accident or maybe a failed course. After what he went through and continued to go through, the thoughts persisted at the back of his mind, like an itch he couldn't get.

Some days were better than others, but this would not be one of those days.

Armin began chewing his fingernails and tapping his foot, trying to ignore the growing itch in his mind. As the itch grew, he began pulling out hospital pamphlets, the menu, anything that Armin could read.

Reading was the only thing that stopped them all together. They came back of course, but while Armin was reading, they disappeared. Playing video games held his thoughts at bay, but he occasionally still felt a tickle. Reading was the only thing that seemed to dissolve the panic in his chest and chaos in his mind.

After reading the menu twenty seven times, Armin could breathe normally. After reading a pamphlet on STD's five times and a booklet on the joys of being a nurse twelve, his mind was quiet. Armin wanted to take a chance to breathe, but he heard a knock on his door, despite it being opened.

He turned to see Eren standing at his doorway, holding a binder Erwin had gotten him to his chest, both arms covering it. He looked a little uneasy, as if he were about to say something that may get him in trouble.

"You can come in," Armin said, as kindly as he could. His episodes usually left him tired.

Eren entered slowly, dropping his binder slightly to reveal a cheap calculator and pencil. Armin smiled, offering Eren a place on his bed.

"Doing some math?"

"Tryin' too," the brunette mumbled. "I can only do it with a calculator though. I want to do it in my head, like Mikasa. But she said she memorized all hers."

"What did she memorize?" Armin asked.

Eren looked away and handed the blond his binder full of paper and worksheets. He wasn't as ashamed as he used to be at his lack of education, but he was still embarrassed. Armin opened the binder to see simple multiplication questions.

"Did you not get a chart? With the table on it?"

"Yeah, but there's too many numbers. They all run together. I don't know."

"It's okay," Armin said quickly, sensing Eren's frustration. "Mikasa is right - it's best to memorize these, but I know a trick to help you remember tens and nines."

Eren glanced at Armin.

"Really?"

To Armin's surprise, he seemed more than relieved. Eren seemed excited.

"Sure - lets start with tens, okay?" Armin took Eren's pencil and began writing 10 X 1, 10 X 2, and so forth until he reached nine. "When you multiply by ten, all you do is add a zero to the other number you're multiplying by. Ten times one? It's going to be 10." Armin wrote the answer, starting with the zero, then adding the one. From there, he drew an arrow between the number one in the answer and the one in the equation.

"So, for ten times two...I add a zero, then a two in front?" Eren asked nervously.

"Absolutely," Armin smiled. "And that's you're answer."

"Twenty?"

"Twenty."

Eren leaned closer to Armin, and the blonde could feel his excitement. His happiness seemed to radiate off him and pool inside Armin.

"So then next is thirty? And then forty?"

"You got it," Armin said happily. "See? That wasn't so bad."

"It wasn't," Eren agreed, smiling brightly. "Can you show me the nines now?"

Without hesitation, Armin flipped the page over and wrote similar equations, beginning with nine.

"Now, anything times one is the original number," Armin explained, writing a nine after nine times one. Eren shook his head in agreement. "The trick to nines is to write the equations down the page, and fill in the numbers one by one, down to up."

Before Armin could explain further, a puzzled look crossed Eren's face. Armin began writing quickly, in the hopes that he could explain before Eren began doubting himself.

"Okay, see what I did?" Armin asked. "Nine times one is nine, and in the next question I wrote and eight, then a seven, and so on. That's what I meant by going down numbers."

"Okay..." Eren said, beginning to chew his lower lip.

"Now, to go up numbers, we're going to start with nine times two, and we're going to start with one." Armin wrote a one next to the equation, making the answer 18. "Then a two for the next, making it 27..."

By the time Armin reached 9 X 6, Eren seemed to have caught on and was answering for himself. Armin promised to supervise him as Eren did his worksheet, and to both their surprise Eren did not need a calculator for the multiplication questions concerning ones, nines, or tens.

"You learn pretty fast!" Armin bragged, truly impressed. Eren smiled, obviously proud of himself.

"Think Mr. Smith and Ackerman will be proud?" Eren asked.

"Sure."

There was a silence after that, and Armin wondered if he should have said something more convincing.

"Are you going to live with us?" Eren asked shyly.

With us, Armin repeated in his mind. Of course, Eren and Mikasa didn't have much of a say - they were still wards of the state. Armin could live where ever he chose, and living with his counselor and a detective with a rod up his ass didn't sound appealing.

But Armin didn't have much of a choice, and he was well aware of that.

"I think so, yeah," Armin replied, trying to sound positive. Eren's emerald eyes lit up, and again Armin could feel his radiance.

"You can help me with my homework!" Eren nearly screamed. "And teach me to drive - probably, later - and text! I can use the flippy phones, but not the new ones, but you had a new one right? You can teach - but I can teach you stuff too," Eren reassured, quickly. He realized he was getting too excited. Eren wasn't used to have someone to talk to and had never learned what friendship entailed. "Yeah - I can teach you something too. Or, I could help with something. The doctor says I'm getting stronger every day!"

Eren lifted his arm and flexed for emphasis. Armin couldn't help but smile. Eren's arms were scrawny still, but the fur that was on his skin had shed, as well as his yellow tint. His skin seemed to grow darker and his eyes brighter by the day, and he had already had two hair cuts since they had been at the hospital. He may not be strong in the way he thought the doctor meant, but Armin knew Eren was a lot stronger than he had came in.

"That sounds good," Armin laughed. "Hey - it's almost lunch time. Know what you want to eat?"

...

Mikasa joined the two for lunch and Eren showed off his new found secrets. Mikasa seemed intrigued as well, as she had not known the trick to the nines. She asked Armin a few questions and he answered, sitting a little more away from Mikasa and Eren than they were to themselves.

It killed him, it truly did.

Armin wanted to be their friends. He wanted to share things with them, and for them to confide in him. He wanted to know what it was like to have someone to trust, and to have fun with. Someone to share hobbies and jokes, and teach each other new things.

But just when Armin thought he was getting close, his thoughts had something else in mind.

The closer he got to someone, the more he had intrusive thoughts about them. In his thoughts, Armin himself was never hurting them - but it scared him nonetheless. And for Eren and Mikasa, it was easy to picture them starved and beated because Armin had already seen them that way, and it was easy to picture them getting raped and tortured.

Armin had to excuse himself to the bathroom to breathe and read his shampoo bottle. Once he thought he was alright, Armin exited to find Eren and Mikasa about to do the same.

"We're heading to the lounge," Mikasa said politley. "Want to come?"

"No thanks," Armin said quickly. "I need to work on that assignment Mr. Smith gave us."

"Oh. You don't have to do that, you know," Mikasa yawned, bored. "It's just busy work and something for us to talk about in our group sessions."

Armin shrugged his shoulders. "Still."

"I only wrote a paragraph," Eren said sadly. "But I think I can say more. What about you, Mikasa?"

"I didn't do it," Mikasa said simply. "It didn't interest me."

"That's fair," Armin yawned, exhausted. "But you guys go ahead. I might get a nap in too."

Once the two were gone, Armin received his own binder off his nightstand. He opened it to reveal a page with a title and nothing else. It was Mr. Smith's assignment from the day before. While Armin was one to start and finish an assignment the same day, this one proved to be tricky. He still had the rest of the day and the next morning to work on it, but he wanted to finish as soon as possible.

If I could change one thing about my life before and after my abduction, what would they be?

Armin did not understand the question. If he could change something before the abduction, he would not want to be abducted - but the question implied that he would still be kidnapped, so what did that matter?

Armin scratched his head, irritated. Of course he was over thinking it. He closed his binder and laid down, thankful for a quick nap. He wondered how Mikasa could be so carefree about the assignment, but little did he know that Mikasa had already finished the assignment and had written two and a half pages.

However, Eren had lied too. He had not started the paper because he could hardly remember life before his abduction, and he didn't know where to begin on the improvements he could use in his life now.

Chapter 15

Chapter Text

An awkward silence filled the mini van as it left the hospital parking lot, five people in tow. Levi and Erwin both sat stiffly, Erwin's hands gripping the wheel. Eren, Mikasa, and Armin sat together, the things they accumulated over the months at the hospital in the second row of seats.

Mikasa and Armin were thankful to be out, but Eren turned in his seat to watch the hospital grow smaller and smaller in the back window. Eren huddled in his jacket - which was a hand me down from a nurse's son - and touched the envelope inside.

He had not yet read his mother's letter.

"How far is it?" Mikasa asked, somewhat irritated. She hated the car rides to foster homes. There was either awkward silence or awkward small talk, and she liked neither.

"Not too far," Erwin promised. "And Levi and I have decided to make you guys a nice dinner. Sound good?"

Quiet affirmatives filled the van, then silence. They would never admit it, but the men hated these car rides too. They would meet kids they knew they probably wouldn't see again, and it was often depressing. However, there was an air of hope - all five felt it.

Could this be a forever home? Could this disaster unite the five, making them the family they all wanted so terribly?

It made sense - Levi, the hero, Erwin, the doctor. Eren, Mikasa, and Armin together for strength, all of them together against the world.

It was a romantic, wonderful, yet unrealistic daydream.

Armin was an adult as far as the state was concerned. He could leave any time he wanted. Eren and Mikasa could also choose to leave if they feel Levi and Erwin are unfit foster parents for them - or, more likely, they get tired of the men.

It was a fear both Levi and Erwin had. What if they no longer want to live with them? What if they're too old, or too busy with work, or just have different personalities?

A million "what if" 's had run through their heads, all of them silly but possible at the same time. Little did they know, the teens had fears of their own.

What if the men didn't love them and just wanted them for money? Did Levi and Erwin want fame for what they did? What if they tried selling the teens pictures? What if the men got tired of them?

After several minutes of every one in their own world of fears, Erwin pulled into the driveway. They had reached the unknown.

...

Eren was a little nervous sharing a room, but not for the same reasons most teens were.

"Um, is it okay if I have the night light on?" Eren asked as he put socks in his drawer, his red face away from Armin's.

"Sure."

"And - um - I stay up pretty late, so we can talk and stuff past bed time. If you want."

"Okay."

Eren bit his lip, wanting to smack himself. Armin didn't have a bedtime - did he? Would Eren have one? A part of him was too embarrassed to ask.

Armin strategically placed his socks and underwear neatly in his drawer and his shoes under it. He and Eren didn't have to fight for closet space as neither of them had many clothes, but Erwin promised a box of Armin's belonging's would be mailed from his dorm that week.

Armin sat down; the bed was rather comfortable. Before the hospital and college, he had slept on couches or floors. His mother was never too fond of furniture, but Armin always made sure she had something to sleep on, even if she didn't sleep.

Mikasa sat on her bed in her own room, alone. Another bed sat against the opposite wall, and she tried to not think of all the other girls who had shared the beds. She knew Erwin was a psychologist and Levi a detective, but being a girl in a home full of men frightened her. Mikasa knew girls often left abusive homes, only to go into a new one. She herself had been abused by foster father's and brothers, and she had long since stopped talking about it or trying to worry about it.

But, for some reason, she had let it slip to Erwin in the therapy session the day before.

He had asked her to close her eyes and say the first answer that came to her head. Erwin asked what the scariest thing about her abuse was, and Mikasa whispered,

"I felt safe."

Mikasa's eyes had snapped open and Erwin looked concerned, obviously wondering how she could possibly feel safe in a strangers home. They both knew it wasn't Luke's home she was talking about, but Erwin hadn't brought it up. She knew he would, it was just a matter of time.

Mikasa sighed, laying back on her bed and kicking her shoes off. The walls were bare - all foster homes were. Why hang family portraits if there will be kids around that don't have a family? Why let a child decorate a room they will leave in a year, only for another child to claim?

Although the plain walls drove her crazy, at least they were clean and had a coat of fresh paint. As she checked the corners for cobwebs, Mikasa noticed something in the corner above her bed. Standing on her bed, Mikasa craned her neck to see what was on the ceiling.

CDB was here 9-19-13

Mikasa wondered who CDB was, and why she felt the urge to graffiti a strangers ceiling. She touched the letters and numbers, which were somewhat faded. Mikasa wondered if CDB dated her existence the day she came, or the day she left, but after a while she supposed it didn't matter.

Mikasa herself often felt so alone that she would do almost anything for someone to acknowledge her existence, especially when she was younger. Even if it were to just write her initials and a date, Mikasa would be thrilled just to have someone look at her work and know - truly know - she had been in that spot at that moment.

Or, maybe it was a different matter. Perhaps CDB was older, and wanted other foster children to know someone else had been in their shoes. There was a chance CDB wanted a chance to tell foster kids that they weren't alone.

What ever the case, Mikasa couldn't help but notice the walls and rest of the ceiling were a different color than the area surrounding the initials and date. It wasn't until dinner was ready that Mikasa realized the walls and ceiling had been painted over - possibly many times over the years - yet the small declaration of existence had been left untouched.

...

Eren slept in his bed, a full stomach and warm shower doing him in at nine o'clock. Armin twisted and turned, full and warm, but not tired.

Everything seemed too good to be true.

Things weren't perfect, of course. Levi was quiet and Erwin tried too hard to make the three teens happy, but Armin was enjoying their company. He had a loyalty to Eren and Mikasa, and his trust for Levi and Erwin was growing every day.

He tossed and turned once more. The intrusive thoughts were itching to come out; Armin could feel it. It was only a matter of time, and he had to get back to school before it was too late.

A part of him was nervous about going back to school, although he couldn't place why. Armin tried not to care what others thought, but what if everyone wanted to know what happened? How could Armin talk about it or ignore it? How could Armin leave this home - the first home he had felt welcome to since he was a child - to go into a place he was no longer certain of?

Armin sighed. He knew he wanted an education - there was no exception. He would get through this somehow, he just had to be positive. As the blonde drifted to sleep, he tried to remember the layout of his school and the possibility of online courses, but Mikasa and Eren kept reappearing in his mind.

...

Levi stared at his bedroom ceiling, wondering what the hell had become of his life.

There were rules he and Erwin had established long ago, rules to protect them and the children they sheltered.

Do not get attached.

Do not make promises.

No more than one child at a time, unless they are siblings.

What had become of these rules, which Levi and Erwin both made sure were set in stone? Attachment had happened long ago, promises were made in the hospital and even at dinner, and now three unrelated children were sleeping in their home.

Of course, Erwin had a point.

"Tragedy can relate people, too," he had whispered, a strong arm over his husband's chest.

Levi knew he was right. However, uncertainty clawed at his mind. He had taken a bullet for these teens, and now his emotions were on the line as well.

Levi was certain he'd rather take another bullet before being heartbroken.

The man reached for his phone, which he had kept shut off all day. Erwin was asleep, but Levi was sure his husband wouldn't approve of him checking his email for work. He had promised to take the weekend off, but he needed something to keep his mind off thoughts he couldn't control.

Levi opened his email app to see an email from an address he didn't recognize.

I think I know who the dead boys are

Levi's heart jumped in his throat. He had not shared his email with anyone, so this person had to have gone through the station. If it turned out to be a scam or joke, someone's ass was on the line.

Mr. Ackerman,
My name is Diane Freemon, and I am currentlyservinglife in prison for drug distribution, soliciting, child neglect and endangerment, and man slaughter.

Levi never expected a lead from a drug addicted, murdering prostitute, but who was he to judge? A lead was a lead.

I was arrested in 2005, and Luke Matthews promised to take my sons to a safe home. I was not allowed to see or hear from them, and I decided to give up custody in the hopes they would have a better life. Luke helped me fill out the paperwork, but I have not seen or heard from them since I was arrested. They were eight and ten, but they were very small due to all I had done, and not done.

Levi's hands were shaking. The bones showed signs of undernourishment and stunted growth, which was why they couldn't place an exact age. However, this detail didn't seem important since everyone figured they were abused by Matthews.

No one mentioned it to the media, or anyone outside the police force.

Their names are James and Jackson Freemon. They went to Polenorm Elementary, and they went to Hewit Dentistry and saw Doctor Malnorm during my trial for evidence of my neglect. Please, they may have records to go off for you. I do not know how this could have happened, or if the bodies are my sons. But please let me know what happens. If they do not match I will know my sons are safe and happy, but I can't sleep until I know.

Call or visit State if you need to talk to me. I'm only allowed internet privileges once a week. Thank you so much.

Levi read the email three times, then four.

There was a chance this was a misunderstanding, or a coincidence. But there was a chance this wasn't.

The children could be John Does because they were never reported missing.

They were right here, in this town, only miles from their home the whole time.

And no one knew they were dead. No one knew they were gone. Luke helped this woman sign her sons over with the promise of a better life, but all she did was sign their death certificate.

Levi thought when he had a lead on the John Does the weight on his shoulders would disappear, but it only seemed to grow heavier.

Chapter 16

Chapter Text

Levi stretched, cracking his back and yawning. He had been to State before, but never on such a lead. Most of the criminals he visited were wanting to narc on gang members or drug dealers, or had little to no real information.

This, however, could make or break this case.

Levi wanted this case to end, and as quickly as possible. He wanted the shit storm of the media to drop off, he wanted the kids to have closure, and as much as he hated to admit it, Levi needed closure as well. There were few cases that had rattled him like this one.

Levi exited his car and made several trips through security. He had told Erwin about the email, but had not told the teens and made sure Erwin didn't either. Levi wanted to wait until he had solid evidence; there was no sense in worrying the teens any more than they already were, especially considering Eren and Mikasa were going to meet their tutor today.

Ten feet into the prison and Levi's head hurt. The beeps, the metal, the cold. He never got used to it. No one did, especially people on the inside. It took twenty minutes, but he finally sat on a metal stool nailed to the floor in front of a window. A phone attached to the wall was to Levi's right. It was the worst part of visiting inmates in Levi's opinion - he tried not to imagine how many people had touched or breathed or cried on that same piece of plastic.

Due to the circumstances, Levi was allowed to visit before visiting hours, and the "Talk Hall" was empty. The off white walls were bare, save for a ticking clock on the wall. It was a quarter to ten; Eren and Mikasa should be visiting with their tutor soon. Levi had wanted to be there, but he was never sure what to say in those sorts of situations. He was sure Erwin could handle it alone.

A hard buzz startled Levi, and from the other side of the window Levi could hear footsteps and the metal clank of handcuffs. A moment later a woman was seated in front of Levi, a guard to her side. She looked older than she was - she was going bald around her hairline and had wrinkles deep into her skin. When she smiled nervously, Levi could see what teeth she had were nicotine stained.

Levi didn't care. Levi did not care what she had done to wind up here. This woman could very well solve the case of the year - or the case of the century, as far as the small town was concerned.

Levi nodded in as much encouragement as he could muster, and they both picked up their phones.

...

Mikasa and Eren sat side by side at the kitchen table, their tutor and Erwin side by side at the other end. Eren nervously fidgeted with his long sleeves; it was the nicest shirt he owned but it was a bit too long. Mikasa was still in her pajamas.

"Now, this is just a simple test," the tutor - Ms. Jamston - reassured. "There is no passing or failing. This is just to judge your placement in the school system."

She placed stapled pieces of paper in front of the teens, a blank page on the front. Ms. Jamston was aware of the teens "situation" and knew they were at different learning levels and didn't want Eren to feel embarrassed by his test compared to Mikasa's.

Eren flipped the blank page to read his first question.

If Sara had five apples and two pears, and John takes one apple, how many apples does Sara have?

Mikasa flipped her blank page to read her first question.

To the right you will see a graph. Which is the X axis, and which is the Y axis?

Both teens received calculators, but it was obvious Eren was nervous to use his. It was the biggest calculator he had ever seen and had far too many buttons. Eren tried to not notice how Mikasa flipped through her pages quickly, while he needed at least five minutes per page.

To the right you will see three animals. Please write each animal.

Shakily, Eren began to write.

DOG, he knew that one was right. CHIKEN, he wrote next, although he knew it looked wrong. He quickly erased it and wrote BIRD instead, although he knew he was kind of cheating. He furrowed his brows at the next animal, beginning to panic.

ELEFANT

Again, it didn't look right, but he wasn't sure where or how. He flipped the page, only to see half a page of a short story, followed by true or false questions. This test wasn't nearly as easy as Mikasa was making it seem.

Mikasa was blowing through the questions, hardly needing to read them.

America entered World War II -

After Pearl Harbor.

The first Capitol of Amer -

Philidelphia.

Three or more novels by famous author F. Scott -

The Great Gatsby, Tender is the Night, This Side of Paradise.

The questions seemed to have no order or real meaning. Mikasa would have much preferred if the test had sections, but each question seemed as random as the last. There would be a page of math questions, then a short story, then random history questions, then even more random questions that seemed nothing more than trivia. Mikasa wondered if Ms. Jamstone had made this test herself, and if she was even qualified to be tutoring them.

Within twenty minutes, Mikasa closed her test and handed it to the tutor. She smiled politely, but seemed unsure of Mikasa's intentions. The teen could have blown through it without a second thought; she could easily not care about being tutored or going back to school. She could see Eren struggling, and it made her worry more.

As Ms. Jamstone began grading Mikasa's test, she quickly began to realize Mikasa seemed smarter than she was letting on. She shifted so Erwin could see Mikasa's work as well. Mikasa yawned and laid her head on the table.

After ten more minutes, Eren answered his final question.

What is your favorite book?

Eren's face began to redden. He had never liked to read, and he couldn't think of a book he had read ever. He gripped his pencil tightly; feeling queasy.

Suddenly, Eren could smell his mother's lotion and feel his old bed sheets. He was snuggled to her, and she read quietly and calmly to Eren, barely loud enough for him to hear. The memory of his mother did not make him cry. It seemed to ease the tightness around his chest, much to his surprise. Calmly, Eren began to write.

THE GIVING TREE

"Thank you very much," Ms. Jamstone said as she slid Eren's test to her. "I'm sure you both did just fine."

"Is this all for today?" Mikasa asked, politely as she could. She hadn't slept well the night before.

"Almost," the tutor smiled, wrinkles forming around her grey eyes. "The only other thing I would like to do is discuss your plans concerning your educations."

Mikasa avoided the woman's eye. She seemed nice enough - Mikasa was always nervous around middle aged women; they seemed to have the least patience - but what if she was offended by what Mikasa had to say? Worse, what if her foster fathers or foster brothers were disappointed?

Mikasa brushed it off. It shouldn't matter to her.

"I want to go to college," Eren mumbled. The tutor smiled.

"That's wonderful!" She smiled. "Do you know what for?"

"No," Eren mumbled. "But I want to help people."

"Well, that's an excellent start."

Six eyes were suddenly on Mikasa. Her palms were sweating, and she cursed herself for it.

"When I turn sixteen, I actually plan on dropping out and getting my G.E.D."

There was a heavy silence. Ms. Jamstone looked at Erwin, while he and Eren both looked at Mikasa. The girl's face began to blush. She opened her mouth to try to defend herself, only to be interrupted by Erwin.

"Do you plan on going to college after, or just getting a job?"

Erwin's voice was calm, and had no ounce of judgement.

"A job," Mikasa whispered. "I just don't like school that much."

"Well, until your sixteenth birthday I think we can help you study up for your G.E.D. How does that sound?"

"I think that's a great idea," Ms. Jamstone replied quickly, obviously shocked by the turn of events. Nevertheless, she shook both teens hands as well as Erwin's promising to return the next day with set lesson plans. After her departure, Mikasa quickly rose.

"What's a G.E.D?" Eren asked quickly, sensing the tension.

"Something you have too much potential for," Mikasa muttered.

Erwin began to rise, but stopped. He let Mikasa hurry to her room, wondering if he was making the right choice. He sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of," Erwin said.

Eren knew Erwin wasn't trying to reassure him.

...

"Thank you for meeting me," Levi said into the phone quietly. Of course, it was Levi that was meeting her, but it didn't matter. Levi was never good at starting conversations.

"Thank you for reading my email," the woman - Diane- replied in a voice that did not match her appearance. "I was so afraid you wouldn't believe me."

"I'm here," Levi stated bluntly."What can you tell me about your sons?"

The next half hour proved to be a difficult one. Levi had brought a notepad and pencil, and the pages were quickly filled with Levi's hasty handwriting. She retold the same story Levi read in the email, but in much more detail. As Diane spoke, Levi felt more and more certain the skeletal remains were in fact her sons.

That, or there were more bodies elsewhere - a possibility Levi refused to think about until he was sure he had too.

For thirty minutes, Levi hardly spoke, other than to ask her to repeat something she had said. Her soft voice filled the phone, urgent and honest.

Levi had more than enough reasons to not believe her. For one, there was evidence she had children - Levi had requested the documents from the police station the night before - but that they were living with an aunt and uncle in Minnesota. Other than that, however, her reports were few to none. Proper documents were either lost or completely nonexistent. For that reason, Levi felt as though he should give her a chance. Shoddy police work always made Levi nervous, especially in cases where proper documents could change a case entirely.

Or save a life.

"That's...that's really it, I think," Diane whispered.

"I see," Levi said, scribbling the last bit of information down. "Can you answer a few questions for me?"

"Of course."

"Where you aware that your sons are listed on official documents to be living with your sister, Janice, in Minnesota?"

"I don't have a sister," the woman said quickly, panic rising in her voice. "I - is that how he got away with this?"

"I don't know," Levi replied calmly. "Right now, all I can do is take our recording to the chief and open the case. I will find out what happened to your sons."

Do not make promises.

Levi ignored his own advice. However, it seemed to calm her down, and for now, that was all Levi needed.

"Alright," Levi continued. "When did you last hear from your children?"

"The letter I told you about. The ones Officer Matthews let me have."

Levi glanced at his notes; he had circled information concerning the letters. It was both a good and bad sign, depending on how it was looked upon.

"And how long was it before you received this letter?"

"It was three days."

"Can you tell me the conversation you and Luke had that day?"

"Uh - yes. He told me he visited the boys in a foster home to check on them, and that they had wrote letters to me. He delivered them because the foster family wasn't comfortable letting...letting my sons visit me. Here."

She did not meet Levi's eye. It was such a simple, believable excuse it was almost stupid how easily Luke got by with it. But how could she not believe him?

"And that day, he gave you adoption papers?"

"Um, they weren't exactly adoption papers. They were papers stating I was choosing to put my children up for adoption."

"My mistake. So, you didn't sign your children to a family member or another person, you just signed over your rights in general?"

"Correct."

"Thank you for clarifying."

Levi wrote quickly, surprised at this exchange. How could she be so calm? Didn't she have questions as well? How was Levi not being chewed out asshole to elbow by this woman? After a few moments of Levi writing, she spoke again.

"I thought I was doing the right thing. I just didn't want them being in any more pain."

"I understand," Levi said slowly. "But I do have a few more questions, and I'll be leaving."

"Alright."

Diane shifted, brushing her brown hair behind her ear. She cupped the cradle of the phone tightly and gripped her elbow with her other hand. Her voice was strong, but it looked as though she was trying to hold herself together.

"Was this - the day you signed your rights over - the last day you saw Luke Matthews privately?"

"Yes," she stated strongly. "I saw him at my trial, but I did not speak to him."

"Okay. Did any one - the judge, your lawyer - mention who was in care of your sons?"

"No. I figured since I gave up my rights I wasn't allowed to ask, especially considering the...nature of my trial."

"I see, and I understand how you would think that. The last thing I want to ask is if I could possibly have the letters your sons wrote for evidence."

Diane's mouth fell open, shock clear on her face. Before she could speak, Levi continued.

"I will make certain they are returned to you personally, with no damage. I will also make sure you are kept up to date with the new investigation, so long as you do not share information with media or other outlets for money or notoriety."

"You - you would do that?" she whispered in disbelief. "You'll let me know everything - even - even if it's bad?"

"Yes. But I won't tell you anything until I know it's factual."

She closed her eyes, gripping herself tighter than before. She sighed heavily.

"Please promise me you'll give them back. The letters are all I have left."

"I understand, and I promise they'll be returned the second I'm finished - "

Levi is interrupted by the guard in the corner; he pointed to the clock. Levi glanced to see there was only 5 minutes of their 45 minute visit left.

"Diane, our time is almost up. I'll visit when I get a lead or two, but this could take a few weeks. But when I hear something, you'll be the first to know."

"Thank you," she sighed, her green eyes filled with relief. "But...can I ask one favor?"

"Of course," Levi said, his heart dropping.

"If my sons are...dead...is there any way there could be a funeral? Of some sort?"

Her eyes filled with hope and Levi told her yes, yes absolutely, although in his heart he wasn't sure how he was going to make it possible.

Ten minutes later Levi was greeted by the same guard holding two folded pieces of paper, as well as a permission form on a clipboard. Levi signed, giving permission for his recording to be given to proper authorities above him.

The letters burned in his pocket the whole ride home.

...

The next week seemed to both pass quickly and drag on.

Levi opened a new case and worked as hard as he could with so little leads. He went through the evidence found at Matthew's for what felt like the hundredth time, again with nothing new. Levi was ready for this case to be over forever, but a part of him knew it wouldn't be.

Erwin was already attached to the kids.

It was rare for foster kids to stay with them a week or more, and when they did Erwin always felt like there was some sort of hope - not that Levi and Erwin would be their forever home or that nonsense, just the hope that the kids would turn out alright and everything would work out in the end. They just wanted what was best for the children, even if they were strangers.

As the days passed, Levi and Erwin were less like strangers and more like the "F" word that was never spoken in their home. It was a dangerous word, for it brought both heartache and hope, two things that seemed to fuel each other but never went well together.

Eren was eager about his schooling, although he was further behind than anyone thought. His math was around a second grade level as well as his spelling, but his reading was very poor. He admitted to only being able to read some words in the test, and when he did fully read the questions he didn't quite understand the meaning. Ms. Jamstone determined he had little to no reading comprehension, but was certain he could learn.

Mikasa was intelligent, but behind in math. With one on one tutoring she learned very quickly, and she and Armin often helped Eren at night with his worksheets and lessons. Despite having more assignments than his foster sister, Eren was never deterred by his school work. He seemed to truly enjoy it, and while Mikasa wasn't fond of her work she rarely grumbled about it, so Erwin and Levi considered themselves lucky.

In the summer Armin would begin his online classes, but until then he would help Mikasa and Eren with their work. He often sat with them during their tutoring sessions and enjoyed watching them work. Erwin and Levi helped answer questions when they could, although neither enjoyed all the work that had been put on the teens so quickly.

"Is all this necessary?" Levi whispered to Erwin the night Eren and Mikasa had their first tutoring session. Mikasa received three textbooks, two workbooks, and a short novel. Eren's textbooks were much smaller, but he somehow seemed to have more work.

"They do have some say," Erwin whispered back, adding seasoning to the hamburger helper he was cooking. "If they feel overwhelmed they can always tell us or the teacher. But they seem to enjoy it."

Eren enjoyed writing and learning to spell, tracing the dotted letters in his workbook over and over, prideful of the way he stayed in the lines. By the end of the first week his workbook was filled and his writing improved tremendously. His reading had not improved, but he was no longer capitalizing all the letters in a word and remembering punctuation. Eren loved to add exclamation points, because he said it made the sentence seem happy.

Everyone received notes from Eren, just so he had an excuse to write.

Hi Urwen! My name is Eren, with "E" NOT "A"! My Teachor said thats difrent!

Hi Levi! Are names are four letters! With "E" in them!

Hi Mikasa! (He copied her name from one of her worksheets to spell it correctly). Good luck with all your work!

Hi Armen! You are so smart and one day I want to go to colege with you! So start saving me a seat in clas okay?!

Eren enjoyed writing and often read what his letters said as he handed them to the person addressed. He knew his spelling wasn't correct and he was worried his letters would get annoying, but he enjoyed writing so much he couldn't help it.

The freedom that came with writing was almost intoxicating. Eren could write anything he wanted about whatever he wanted, and who could stop him? The boy had so many thoughts and so much excitement his pencil often trembled in his hand. He knew everyone probably threw away his notes, but that didn't bother him. Eren was determined to write better every day.

"You've taken up to writing pretty well," Erwin commented during their first therapy session at home.

"Yeah," Eren said nonchalantly. "I like it a lot."

"What do you like most?"

"I can write about anything I want," Eren replied after a moment. "Even my feelings or what I'm thinking."

"That's very true, Eren. But you know you have a responsibility when it comes to writing."

"I do?"

"Yes," Erwin explained slowly. "It's very good to write, especially you're feelings. I can't express how proud I am - well, how proud everyone is - of you for writing and identifying your feelings. But sometimes, when you write something and give it to a person, what you wrote may make a person uncomfortable. Do you understand?"

Eren's face burned. The day before he had given Mikasa another note. However, he couldn't hand it to her face to face and slipped it under her bedroom door. Eren shook his head.

"Eren, sometimes people aren't comfortable talking about their feelings. There isn't a right or wrong way to go about it, and it's nothing personal."

"Okay," Eren mumbled, staring at his feet on the kitchen floor.

"I do have a concern," Erwin voiced, careful to watch Eren's reaction. Eren's eyes glanced upward but showed no signs of distress. "Writing your feelings down is great for many things, especially when it comes to mental health. I understand you like writing, but sometimes writing about your feelings to someone instead of talking to them can mean you're still afraid of talking about your feelings. Do you think this is true in your case?"

Eren shook his head slowly, his eyes again on his feet.

Erwin shuffled through a few things on the dining room table and pulled out a simple composition book and a pack of pens. He slid them both across the table to the teen, who looked in interest.

"This is your journal," Erwin explained. "It is for you to write your thoughts and feelings, and it's meant to be for your eyes only. You have my promise Levi and I will never read anything you don't want us to, and if Mikasa and Armin read it they will be punished. However, the same goes for Mikasa and Armin's journals. This is yours - only yours - and it's private. Okay?"

Eren was flustered.

"I can write anything?"

"Absolutely. Even me. You can write about my bushy eyebrows if that's what's on your mind."

Eren smiled, having to bite his lip to keep from smiling to wide. Carefully, Eren took the pens and notebook and held his first possession that belonged to only him in over five years.

"Thank you," Eren whispered.

...

Today was a good day becase I got this book to write in. I like to write. Its my favorit thing besides maybe my new bed. Its so warm. I havent been cold since

Eren did not continue writing. He couldn't bring himself to write the words on his mind, even though no one else would read them. He couldn't bring him self to write what he was reliving in his dreams.

Armin lay in the same room, his arm thrown over his eyes, crying silently.

Mikasa lay in her own room, holding Eren's note in her hands. Her heart was broken, in the most unusual way. She almost didn't want to read Eren's sloppy, misspelled, honest words, but she owed him that much. She wished she hadn't told Erwin, and she wondered if he had told Eren.

Erwin held Levi, and Levi held his husband. Neither spoke, but both had read the last letters two boys wrote their mother. They were sloppily written, but the words were spelled correctly and the syntax and punctuation was perfect. Either the children had help, or they didn't write them at all.

However, both men kept all of Eren's notes in their wallets, able to read any time they wanted. Neither told the other, but they both knew the happiness the notes brought, even on their most stressful days.

In Levi and Erwin's warm home, heavy burdens lay on light shoulders and no one knew what the horizon would bring.

Chapter 17

Chapter Text

Levi and Erwin had been awake all night.

They were in the kitchen discussing how much Eren had been improving in his studies when they heard thumps coming from Mikasa's room. They weren't loud or repetitive, but it was enough to get their attention.

"Mikasa?" Erwin whispered, knocking softly on her door.

Mikasa was half awake, and half caught in a dream. She knew she was in a bed, but she felt hands that were not there. Someone called her name, her door opened -

In a moment Mikasa pounced, still half asleep. She slipped her hand between her headboard and mattress, quickly withdrawing the knife she had there.

When Levi turned on the bedroom light, they were greeted by Mikasa crouched on her mattress and holding the bread knife that had gone missing the week before. Her hair was messy on the right side and her eyes were wide, and she had strange white spots on her cheeks and chin.

Mikasa jerked, as if waking up. The knife fell out of her hand silently and her feet gave way, making her fall backwards. She caught herself before hitting the headboard.

"So this is where that ended up," Levi said casually, referring to the knife. "I could have used that the other day when Erwin made garlic bread."

Stepping forward, Levi took the knife gently away. Erwin stepped forward too.

"Did you have a bad dream?" he whispered.

"Of course I did," Mikasa said hoarsely, knowing her only options were to admit having a nightmare or say she was trying to kill her foster fathers.

"I'm going to put this away and go to bed," Levi said, leaving Erwin and Mikasa alone. He kept the bedroom door open.

"It must have been pretty scary," Erwin commented. "You've been here almost two months and this is the first time you've mentioned a night mare."

Mikasa covered up and rolled on her right side. She avoided Erwin's gaze.

"I wish I had killed him," Mikasa said quietly. "I was so worried about Armin, but I could have killed him. I could have beat him to death with those bolt cutters."

In all the months Erwin had known Mikasa, she had never expressed desire to hurt or kill anyone, even her captor. Erwin hoped giving her a journal was helping her uncover some of her emotions.

"You could have," Erwin admitted. "And you would have been arrested."

"I'd be released by the time I was 18," Mikasa scoffed. "I was a victim, some fucked up foster kid. The whole world would have pitied me."

Mikasa practically spat this, and Erwin knew it was true. She easily could have gotten a light sentence if she had killed Luke.

"But you didn't," Erwin said simply. "Armin and Eren are alright, and so are you. You're getting an education and proper help."

"He's dead though," Mikasa said through gritted teeth. "If I knew he was going to pussy out and kill himself I would have done it for him."

Erwin did something he had never done with a foster child, let alone a foster daughter with a history of sexual abuse. He sighed, then sat at the foot of her bed. To his surprise, Mikasa shifted her feet to make room for him.

"You didn't know. No one did. You did what you thought was best at the time. And instead of taking a life, you saved four."

Mikasa rolled her eyes.

"I would have been fine, and so would have everyone else. Levi would have gone to the boys and I could have killed the bastard."

"Mikasa, Levi didn't have his gun. Luke would have killed Levi if you hadn't intervened. And if you had attacked him, it was still Levi's duty to protect everyone at the scene. He would have had to get you under control - with broken ribs - before even attending to Armin and Eren."

Mikasa thought on this, but she was stubborn.

"I should have killed him."

She and Erwin sat in silence for a few minutes before Erwin responded.

"Between me and you?" Erwin asked.

"Yeah?"

"We all have regrets."

...

All in all, Levi and Erwin weren't surprised by Mikasa's confession. She was the aggressive type, and she had harbored anger for a long, long time. It was Levi's suggestion, and although Erwin said it could work, he still had his doubts.

The next morning Mikasa and Levi rode in his car, the radio filling the silence. Levi had his gun in his holster, loaded and ready for the day ahead.

Mikasa was told they were going out to the dump, and indeed a bag of trash was in the trunk. However, Mikasa knew the city picked up their trash. She had no idea what they were doing but she decided not to ask. Levi was thankful; he wasn't sure what he would have told her. Even as he slowed down and pulled to the shoulder of the road next to an area of woods, he said nothing.

"We're here," he said simply, taking off his seat belt. Mikasa followed suit. They exited the car and Levi took the bag of trash out of the trunk, then they stepped towards the woods. Levi took no notice of the "NO TRESPASSING" signs posted.

"Are we allowed to be here?" Mikasa asked somewhat nervously.

Levi smirked, flashing his badge.

"Oh," Mikasa said sarcastically. "Look at you, Mr. Big Dick Swingin'."

"If you're going to have a nick name for me I'd rather the word "dick" not be in it. Also you need to stop swearing."

Mikasa rolled her eyes. They walked a little longer, the bag of trash making odd clinking noises the whole time. Mikasa realized it only had cans in it.

Levi stopped at a dead tree trunk. Untying the bag, he removed a can and set it up on the trunk. He turned and walked back, and Mikasa followed.

"Alright," Levi said, turning to face the trunk. He removed his gun from his holster - and handed it to Mikasa.

"W - What's this for?" Mikasa stuttered, making no move to the gun.

"Shoot. Aim at the can and shoot."

It was a simple order, and Mikasa shakily took the gun in her hand. She had never held one before.

"Turn the safety off first."

Mikasa managed to turn off the safety with instructions. The .22 shook in her hand.

"You aren't a gangster," Levi said, bored. "Hold it straight with both hands."

She did, taking a deep breath. Levi stepped behind her as she aimed - or assumed she was aiming - and her finger trembled on the trigger.

She yelped when she pulled the trigger, the shot louder than she expected. Mikasa missed the can completely. She had closed her eyes when she shot, and now she shook all over.

"Not bad," Levi commented. "But if you were going to kill someone, you could use a little more confidence. And aim."

"Oh shut up," Mikasa fumed, her face red. She pointed the gun downward, her fingers far from the trigger, and handed it back to Levi. She could not look Levi in the eye.

"What's wrong?" Levi asked. "If you want to kill someone you need to learn the least painful method."

"I didn't say I wanted to kill people!" Mikasa screamed. "I - I just want to kill Luke! You know what he did!"

Levi carefully took the gun from her hand. He put the safety back on and placed it back in his holster.

"I know what he did," Levi said carefully. "I could have killed many people guilty of similar crimes. But I didn't."

"Aren't you so fucking noble," Mikasa hissed, turning and stomping off.

"Wrong way," Levi called casually. "Don't want you to get lost."

"How do you know this place so well?" Mikasa scoffed, crossing her arms and stopping but not turning around.

"Me and a team searched for a body here last year."

Mikasa's breath caught, but said nothing. After a moment, Levi continued.

"It was a twenty year old woman. She committed suicide here, but we just knew she was missing. Her car was on the side of the road so we knew she was around here. We figured she broke her ankle or leg; didn't even think she was dead. It still took us two days to find her."

"Why did it take you so long?" Mikasa asked, cursing her curiosity.

"We weren't looking up."

Mikasa's eyes closed. Why was he telling her this? They didn't like each other - not that they hated each other or anything. They were both stubborn and blunt and they just butted heads too much.

But Mikasa knew Levi was caring and Levi knew Mikasa was hurting, and for that Mikasa turned and walked to Levi, who was putting the can back in the trash bag.

"Why did you take me here?" Mikasa asked.

"To tell you that story, and for you to get a feel for the trigger."

"Maybe if I killed someone, I'd stab them," Mikasa tested.

"You get tired," Levi said quietly. "It's not as simple as people think. You have to cut through skin and muscle and fat, usually multiple times. They're going to be fighting back, and with their adrenaline going they aren't going to feel the first few stabs more than likely, unless you get lucky. You get tired, and messy."

Levi stopped, and Mikasa did as well.

"Mikasa, there are bad people I haven't killed, and good people I have. Do you understand?"

Mikasa shook her head, her hands shaking.

"I'm not saying you shouldn't kill people in self defense, especially if it's the only option you have. But it isn't going to make what they did better, or go away. Killing someone doesn't take away what they did. It diminishes all the things they'll ever get to do. Do you understand?"

Mikasa shrugged.

"Luke's case is a little different. But lets say I have a suspect holding a robbery. I could have a perfect head shot. If I take it the robbery will be over and everyone will be safe. But why is the person holding up the store? What if they're homeless, or have hungry kids at home? What if they feel like they have no other option?"

Mikasa did not answer.

"I'm not saying what they're doing is right. But if I can talk them down, they might be able to get help. They'll go to prison of course, but they'll be able to receive mental health as well as an education. In five years, they could have a Bachelor's degree and be able to provide for their family, or help others."

"Or they could go back to robbing stores."

Mikasa wasn't sure what made her say that, but she regretted it. Levi, however, simply shrugged his shoulders.

"They could. You're absolutely right," Levi admitted. "But the point is the opportunity. If I give them a chance, they have an opportunity. If I kill them, it's over. Their life is over. What they did will always remain, but no one will ever know what they could have done."

"I understand," Mikasa whispered.

They began walking again, until the road and Levi's car was in sight.

"Mikasa?"

"Yes?"

"The same goes for taking your own life. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

Mikasa understood.

...

Eren's studies had improved drastically over the course of six weeks. His writing was much clearer and he could read somewhat better. He wasn't close to where he should be, but he was much better than where he was.

He had not written any notes since his last one to Mikasa, and his face flushed when he thought about it. They had not talked about it, but Eren had been meaning to talk to her face to face about things, but never had the courage. Eren was comfortable talking to Armin, and to his surprise Armin was talking to Eren too. Armin was beginning to see Eren as a friend, despite the risks the blond felt were there.

All three wrote in their journals nearly every night. Mikasa was hesitant to write in hers since Levi and Erwin had read her last one, but she knew they were trying to find her. Still, she hid her journal between the dresser and wall. After a few days, she began hiding out of embarrassment more than lack of trust.

Levi took me out to shoot his gun today, She wrote later that day. It was scary. I told Erwin I wished I could have killed him, and I do. I was more concerned about Eren and Armin at the time, and in the end I guess it was worth it. The fucker's dead anyway.

Eren's arm touched mine today. We were doing school work and I couldn't focus after that. It's so stupid. He's just a boy. He thinks I'm pretty because I'm the only girl he's seen since he hit puberty.

Mikasa slammed her journal closed, her own thoughts getting the best of her. She shoved the book in it's hiding spot and as much as she hated too, her hand crept in between the mattress and box spring and withdrew the note Eren had written her a few weeks before.

Mikasa,

I am so hapy I got to meet you but I wish I cold have meet you in a beter way. You made me the hapiest I had ben in so long and you stil do! I am so hapy when I see you everyday, but how can I make you hapy? Becase I see you and you do not look hapy. You are so prety and very prety when you smil. But you are prety always. I hope we can be togethr one day, in any way you want becase i only want you hapy. I gues i am trying to say I ADMIR YOU. You are super brave and funy and smart. Even if I can not be your boyfreind one day, i hop to always be your FREIND! Plese smil!!!!

I ADMIR YOU!

Eren

Tears filled Mikasa's eyes. She had read the note so many times the creases were beginning to wear. She had told Erwin the next day because she was scared - how could she fall in love with someone who had been through so much pain, someone she felt as though she failed to protect?

It had been several weeks. As far as she knew, Eren had forgotten about the whole thing. He hadn't tried to kiss her goodnight or made any mention of the note. She was worried she had missed her chance, and she rose from the floor and opened her bedroom door.

She could see Eren, hunkered over the kitchen table, practicing his writing. Levi and Erwin were probably getting ready for bed. Armin had been tutoring him nightly, but Mikasa knew he was in bed by now. She stepped out of her room and across the living room into the kitchen. Eren turned to her and smiled.

Mikasa still had the note in her hand, and his smile dropped when he saw it.

"Eren? I'm ready to talk about this. Can we go to my room?"

Eren gathered his books and pencils and followed her to her room. Mikasa shut the door behind them.

...

Mikasa was against her headboard, breathing heavily. Eren was on top of her, gripping her bed sheets so not to grab her.

Neither knew kissing could be this exciting.

"You okay?" Mikasa whispered, careful to keep her voice down. Eren shook his head, his chest heaving. Their eyes met, and Eren waited for his signal.

"Again," she breathed.

His lips met hers, and her arms were around his neck, her chest against his chest. Eren couldn't believe the softness of her lips or face, or how his heart felt like it was going to leap out of his chest.

They had talked, and he had stolen a kiss like an idiot. Eren couldn't help himself. He pecked her lips with his and knew she would smack him or never speak to him again, even though Mikasa had told Eren she "felt something" for him.

Instead, she had told him "Again."

Time was gone. All that Eren could think about was the way Mikasa felt against him, how she threaded her hands through his hair, how there was so much more to kissing someone than just your lips and tongue.

Oh no, Eren thought. They'd been kissing for what felt like forever, and Eren hadn't kissed her with his tongue! Was he supposed to? Or was that weird?

Eren pulled away, and to his surprise, Mikasa kissed him once more before letting him go.

Her pupils were dilated, and her lips were swollen and pink. Her fingers were tracing circles around his forearms.

"I - I have...a question?" Eren mumbled.

"Okay," Mikasa breathed.

"Should...should I kiss you with my tongue? Or...I - I don't know. I've...this is new."

"This is new for me too," Mikasa whispered, her hand finding his cheek. "But let's slow down, okay? We still have a lot to talk about."

Eren turned away, his face red. He had an erection and was hoping Mikasa wouldn't notice.

"Eren, I'm...I'm enjoying this too, you just can't tell as easy." She rose to a sitting position and put her arms around him. "I enjoyed what we did. But for now, let's stick to kissing okay?"

"Okay."

Mikasa lay her head against his shoulder, and Eren kissed her forehead. After a few minutes of silence, Eren spoke.

"Mikasa, I'm sorry there are things I can't do."

"What do you mean?"

"I...I can't drive. I'm stupid. I can't - "

"You aren't stupid!" Mikasa said. "You just need to learn some things. And you'll be able to drive eventually. You might not be a "normal" fifteen year old, but a "normal" fifteen year old couldn't handle half of what you went through, Eren."

Eren bit his lip. Mikasa gently turned his face to hers.

"Eren, I admire you. You went through hell, and you are still the sweetest, most caring person I've had the pleasure to come to know. You can do anything you set your mind to."

Mikasa kissed Eren gently, and he kissed her back.

"You can too," Eren whispered against her lips. "I believe in you."

"I believe in you, too."

Eren did not have the words to tell Mikasa how looking into her eyes made his mind go quiet.

...

Armin was indeed asleep, and had no idea what was going on in the next room. He was blissfully asleep, and dreaming a wonderful dream.

He was in a cap and gown, walking across the stage. There was no diploma, though. There were no voices, no other students , he was alone - no. He wasn't alone.

Just across the stage were Erwin and Levi, applauding - him? Mikasa was smiling, and Armin felt a tug at his hand.

Eren was next to him, but not in graduation attire.

"Come on!" Eren said. "After this they're taking us to the ocean! We gotta see it together!"

In his sleep, Armin smiled.

...

Erwin sighed, pins and needles shooting through his arm.

Levi had fallen asleep on his husband's shoulder, drooling. The man had a hard day; Erwin was certain of that. Levi never opened up to anyone, let alone a foster kid.

He was getting attached.

Erwin carefully ran his hand through his husband's undercut. It never ceased to amaze him how soft Levi's hair was. Erwin smiled at his sleeping husband, the man's stern mouth slacked and wrinkles softened.

Erwin traced his thumb down Levi's jawline and neck, right where his neck and shoulder met. Erwin had given his husband too many hickies to count there.

Levi's eyes opened.

"Watchin' me sleep old man?" Levi huffed, rolling over - and smearing his own drool over his face. "Oh, gross."

Erwin shifted his dead arm but wrapped the other around his husband.

"You're so pretty," Erwin teased.

"I have a gun."

Erwin rolled his eyes and kissed his husband's cheek. A sudden realization washed over him. It was something that had once been a night time ritual, until work and kids and life got in the way.

"Levi Ackerman," Erwin whispered. "I take you as my husband, now and forever."

Despite Levi's fatigue, a smile played on his lips.

"Erwin Smith, I take you as my husband, now and forever."

"I will be by your side, through times of joy and happiness, and through times of sickness and sorrow."

"I will be by your side, through times of joy and happiness, and through times of sickness and sorrow."

"I will be your rock, your comfort, and I will say "we" were I once said "I"."

"I will be your rock, your comfort, and I will say "we" were I once said "I"." Levi's voice was getting lower and lower.

"Even in your darkest moments, you will have me."

"Even in your darkest moments, you will have me."

Levi turned and their lips found one another. They did not make love, or kiss longer - they were old and tired and knew the next day would involve more lawyers. But for that night, a kiss was enough.

Chapter 18

Chapter Text

The teens sat stiffly in the backseat of the minivan, all unsure what to say. Levi and Erwin were silent in the front seats, Levi eager to untie his tie. He hated formal wear, but was glad to have worn it for today's events.

Mikasa, Levi, and Armin had met with their lawyer, several F.B.I agents, and the governor of the state - as well as multiple news reporters. Levi and Erwin had warned them that there would be reporters, but none of them had expected the people off the property of the courthouse, smiling, waving, and holding handwritten signs of support.

The five had walked briskly with their heads down into the courthouse and avoided news reporters desperate attempts to get their attention. In the courthouse, the three teens were greeted warmly and generously. They received firm handshakes, lunch, and consented photographs.

It would be the five's first family photograph. Not counting the photographs taken for evidence at the hospital, it was Eren's first photograph since he was ten years old. For Mikasa and Armin, it was the first picture in a long time that they were smiling.

For over an hour, the teens were given information concerning money they would receive due to the crimes committed to them by a state employer. Eren also had money from his parent's death, as well as more in their will - including his childhood home, that had only been empty for several months. Mikasa and Eren could choose how to receive their money - all at once, at the age of sixteen or eighteen, half at sixteen or eighteen and half at twenty-one, or one third at sixteen, eighteen, and twenty-one. Due to Armin's emancipation, he was able to receive all of his money at once. However, they all agreed they needed time to think about their options.

Eren received the deed to his home, which was formerly in his mothers name and now in his own, as well as the key to the house. He couldn't read most of the words on the deed, and even if he did he was sure he wouldn't understand them, but his heart filled with warmth seeing his mother's signature.

His mother's letter lay at the bottom of his top dresser drawer, still unopened.

When the meeting was over, the five headed down the main hall, their lawyer and the governor in tow as well. The governor would speak publicly for the teens to the media, and it was up to them if they wanted to be present. All three decided they wanted to be present but did not want to comment.

As the door got closer and closer, fear gripped at the three. Mikasa and Armin hid it well, but Eren gripped Mikasa's hand. Without a second thought, Eren's hand found Armin's as well.

Erwin and Levi opened the doors, trying to keep a straight face at the sight of their foster children supporting one another the best they could. They exited behind them and smiled at the teens as the crowd of strangers applauded.

The governor's speech was short but direct, congratulating the teens on their strength and endurance, as well as promising their education and mental health were top priorities, and that the three would be willing to answer questions when they were ready. While camera's were flashing and video camera's were recording, the majority of the crowd seemed to respect their wishes and the five were not bombarded as they made their way to the minivan.

Armin, Eren, and Mikasa held hands tightly until they had to get in the van.

...

"Eren, are you sure you want to do this?" Erwin asked gently, breaking the silence.

"Yeah," Eren replied. "I want to do it now, and I think I need support. If that's okay."

"Of course," Erwin quickly exclaimed. "I think it's great you're asking for support, but I want you to be aware we'll be passing the house along the way."

A heavy silence filled the van, and Mikasa spoke first.

"I'm okay passing it," she said strongly. Armin nodded in agreement, but said nothing. He knew his captor was dead and he would never have to experience the pain and fear he went through, but he wasn't sure how he would react.

While Erwin was thankful his foster kids were being brave, it was him that was nervous. Luke Matthews - a man he had met multiple times, one of his husbands co workers - tried to murder Levi in that house. Erwin would be passing the house in which he had almost lost his husband and Levi almost lost his life. The two men shared a glance, and Levi reached over and placed his hand on his husband's.

In minutes, the van slowed to the suburban's speed limit. Time seemed to slow as Luke Matthew's home crept on the horizon. Yellow police tape whipped in the wind, circled completely around the property. Despite the tape and no trespassing sign, the windows of the first floor had been broken and spray paint littered the porch and front paneling of the house. Eren could not make out the letters, but Armin read some of the phrases.

5 LIVES + 5 YRS NO JUSTICE

DEATH IS NOT ENOUGH

NO REST IN HELL

The house came, and went. It wasn't nearly as big as Eren remembered, and even without the windows and spray paint it was shabbier than Eren had pictured. Armin had never seen the outside of the home, and it was not nearly as hard as he thought to see the home he could have been killed in. Mikasa, Levi, and Erwin did not look at the home.

Just another minute down the road, and Erwin pulled into the empty house Eren had spent his entire childhood. Memories flooded Eren's mind, and he wasn't sure weather to laugh or cry.

Slowly, all five exited the van and let Eren lead the way to the home. The key shook in the boy's hand as he inserted it into the lock. His heart tugged at the thought that his mother and father were not on the other side. Anxiety struck him as he realized he had no idea what would be in his home. Eren opened the door nonetheless.

He entered his home, feeling as though he had stepped into the Twilight Zone. Everything was exactly how he remembered it - the couch, the T.V - all in the same positions, even the same photographs hung on the same walls. His mother had not updated the television to a flat screen or gotten better throw rugs, even though Eren remembered his mother hated the rugs in the kitchen and living room. They had thick circles as decoration, and Eren would use them as a race track for his matchbox cars.

Eren wondered if that's why his mother had kept them.

"Are you alright?" Levi asked, placing a firm hand on the boy's shoulder. Eren nodded and carefully made his way into the kitchen, as if stepping too hard would crack the foundation and cause everything to fall apart. Eren passed the pictures and stopped.

"Do you think it was hard to keep these pictures?" Eren asked no one in particular. "That's them - on their wedding day. If they got divorced why would she keep them?"

No one answered, but everyone knew. Eren himself knew.

"Your mother was very smart," Erwin said carefully, trying to calculate his words. "She worked some and received checks from your father's passing and paid the bills up - if I'm not mistaken, the electricity had been paid over six months in advance."

"Huh."

Eren had not quite grasped the concept of bills and money, but it would come in time. His only concern was that the fridge was running, and it seemed to be the only new appliance in the entire house. Eren remembered the fridge was starting to loose temperature when he was younger, and he figured his mother was forced to replace it.

The only thing in the refrigerator was a twelve pack of root beer and peanut butter crackers, Eren's favorite after school snack. Eren peeked in the freezer to see an unopened tub of Mint Chocolate ice cream.

Numb, Eren glanced around the spotless kitchen and into the spotless living room.

"She had her affairs in order," Eren said, trying to sound brave.

"We don't have to do this right now," Erwin reassured. "This home is yours - not a bank's, not the state's. There's no rush."

Eren did not respond. He walked past his foster fathers and siblings back into the living room, placing one hand on the stair way. He glanced at all the framed photos on the walls, wondering why his mother didn't take them down. Pictures of her dead ex husband and missing son smiled at her every day for ten years. And still, she did not take them down.

Carla had wanted her son to return to his home as he had left it. Even when the divorce was finalized, even when Grisha had died, even when she knew she was dying - she just wanted one thing to remain the same for her son. She knew her son was out there, and as the years passed she knew he would come home to more and more change. It had been hard for her to picture her son growing older, so she saw him as a ten year old child, and she knew children didn't adapt well to change.

She spent the remainder of her life doing what she though was best for her son.

"Would you like us to follow you?" Erwin asked kindly.

"No."

Levi and Erwin shared a nervous glance and Mikasa's heart skipped. Armin gave Eren a brief smile of encouragement - this would be the first thing Eren had done on his own since he got out of the hospital.

The stairs were not endless, as he once remembered. His head nearly touched the slanted ceiling he remembered trying to jump to reach. Once upstairs, Eren glanced at the coffee table beside the bathroom. A thin layer of dust had settled on the books there, but Eren lifted the book closest to the end of the table. Under the book revealed a stain from spilled apple juice from none other than Eren himself.

Eren remembered being terrified. The table was "antique" - what ever that meant to an eight year old - and belonged to his great grandmother. No matter how hard his mother scrubbed, the apple juice wasn't coming out. His mother laid one of her books over it when her husband arrived home and promised her son it wasn't a big deal. Indeed it wasn't - Eren forgot about it the next day and never thought about it again until that moment. His fingers brushed the stain and he wondered how many times his mother dusted that very table and had to remember her son's silly apprehension.

Eren passed the bathroom he had been potty trained in and passed his parents room. He stopped at his bedroom door, surprised to see sloppy marker drawings creeping near the edge of his door. He had no memory of doing those, but was certain his mother did.

He did not open his bedroom door. Eren knew he wasn't ready. Instead he crossed the hall into his father's study - the only room in the house he had the least memories of.

His father kept a lot of documents in the room, which was why Eren was not allowed to enter the room without his mom or dad. Eren learned quickly that while the couch and chairs were comfortable, his father was in fact a boring man. On the phone, or writing, or typing away on his computer.

Carla, on the other hand, carried Eren into the room as much as she could until he got too big to carry. She would open book after book, reading him beautiful words he no longer remembered.

Grisha's things were gone, and a part of Eren was relieved. After nearly ten minutes in the house, he was certain he wasn't dreaming - something had changed.

All that was left of the study was the bookshelves and couch. Surprisingly, the majority of the books remained. Eren began opening them only to discover his mother's name neatly written on the inside covers. All through out his childhood, Eren assumed all the books were his fathers. Sadness stabbed Eren as he realized he never knew his mother liked to read.

...

Armin stretched his arms over his head, his spine popping silently. Erwin shifted and adjusted his glasses.

"So, Armin, I've noticed you and Eren are getting pretty close."

"I guess," Armin muttered, glancing downward.

"Was it hard to go to Eren's home today?"

Armin shrugged. Erwin gave him time to think.

"Do you mean...passing Luke's house, or just going to the house?"

"I was nervous about going by the house, I'll admit. But all of you seemed to handle it well. Was I mistaken?"

"I - I can only speak for myself," Armin stuttered. "But it wasn't as hard as I thought. I was unconsciousness when I...first arrived, and I was sick when I left, so I never even got a good look at the house. I was worried for Mikasa and Eren, and you and Levi."

Erwin jotted a few notes before speaking.

"Armin, you're a very caring and considerate young man."

Heat rushed to Armin's face but he said nothing.

"You were quite a lone wolf in school."

"Yeah," Armin agreed.

"Was that to protect yourself, or were you worried your intrusive thoughts would control you and you may hurt them?"

"Both," Armin whispered.

"Do you have intrusive thoughts concerning your friends?"

Friends, Armin thought.

Friends.

Armin nodded.

"Are you afraid of your own thoughts?"

"Sometimes," Armin admitted. "But...when I distract myself they go away. And I know Eren and Mikasa are strong willed people, so that helps too."

"Do you still think your crazy?" Erwin asked.

"I don't guess," Armin said quietly. In one of Armin's first therapy sessions, he had told Erwin he always thought he was crazy and would eventually "loose it". Erwin jotted a few notes before asking if there was anything he wanted to talk about.

"I'm glad Eren was close to his mom. I just don't know how to talk to him about losing her."

"You want him to know you're there for him?" Erwin confirmed. The teen nodded. "Then just tell him. It's as easy as that. I'm sure it would mean the world to him."

Armin nodded again.

...

After the therapy session, Armin took a quick shower before approaching Eren after dinner. The dark haired teen was in his bed, laying on his side away from Armin. The blonde couldn't see, but he was sure Eren was trying to read one of the many books he had taken from his home.

"Hey," Armin said offhandedly, sitting on his bed.

"Hey." Eren didn't turn around. Armin took a breath.

"Eren, I'm sorry about your mom - well, I'm sorry about both your parents. I just...if you need something let me know, okay?"

Eren was silent, then turned.

"Can you read some of this to me?" Eren lifted a slim, white book.

"Of course."

Armin read Emily Dickinson to Eren, and watched him smile a few times.

"My mom read that one to me," he would comment a few times.

Armin cleared his throat after a few pages and began reading one of his favorites - and, Eren would remember, one of his mother's favorites.

" "Hope" is the thing with

feathers -

That perches in the soul -

And sings the tune

Without the words -

And never stops - at all - "

Before Armin could continue, tears streamed down Eren's face silently. Armin continued.

" And sweetest - in the Gal

-is heard-

And sore must be the

storm -

That could abash the little

Bird

That keeps so many warm-

I've heard it in the chillest

land -

And on the strangest Sea -

Yet - never - in Extermity,

It asked a crumb - of me."

Armin felt Eren's arms around him, and the blonde returned the hug. The two held each other, and for a moment, they both felt a peace neither had felt in years.

Chapter 19

Chapter Text

The next several days passed slowly, no one bringing up the money or Eren's house. Levi and Erwin knew it would come in due time. Mikasa and Eren returned to their tutoring - and light flirting. It was new territory for both of them, but everyone else had caught on. Armin watched in amusement; Levi and Erwin in apprehension.

Both men wanted all three of the teens happy above all else. Armin wanted to return to school and get a degree, and the adults supported this easily. Mikasa wanted to get her G.E.D and a job, which was both realistic and possible. The men knew Eren wanted to get a diploma and further education, but beyond that this plans were vague. This wasn't surprising, but both Levi and Erwin were nervous that a relationship with Mikasa would make him loose focus on his studies. Furthermore, the men were afraid the teens relationship would sour and make recovery a slower process.

"What should we do?" Levi whispered to Erwin a week after the courthouse hearing. The men were putting away the dinner dishes and were watching Mikasa and Eren in the living room. Mikasa was pink faced, bent over Eren's textbook. She was supposed to be tutoring him, but Eren was more focused on her hair.

"I should know?" Erwin asked.

Levi rolled his eyes. The two let it be for the moment, but later that night the conversation arose again.

"It's not like we can give them the sex talk," Erwin muttered, Levi snuggled to his side. Levi grunted in agreement. "I suppose I could ask Mikasa about birth control, and teach Eren how to use a condom. We did go over that when we gave them the talk in the hospital, though."

"You think they're having sex?" Levi asked. He couldn't imagine either of them being ready - especially after their kidnapping - but hormones and teenage love were curious things.

"Probably not so soon," Erwin replied, thinking a moment. "But this is something we should all discuss. Neither of them have a clear understanding of what a healthy relationship entails, and we should at least go over that much."

A silence hung in the room. Both understood what Erwin had said, but it wasn't something Levi wanted to talk about. Still, the thought nipped at the back of his mind.

"Has...she brought anything up?"

"About her prostitution?" Erwin asked bluntly. "We've discussed it a little, yes. It wasn't something she did regularly, and it's not something she wants to do again."

"Did you tell her...?"

"God, Levi, no!" Erwin whispered harshly. "That's up to you. You tell her as much as you want, when you want."

The men lay in silence, holding one another tightly. Levi still had Miaksa's photograph that fell out of her diary, He kept in locked in his gun drawer and had forgotten about it until he took the girl shooting. Levi wanted to give the picture back, but wasn't sure the right way to do so.

...

The next day went as usual - Erwin to work, Levi making breakfast for the teens and himself, and Eren and Mikasa receiving tutoring as Armin read or watched T.V. It was so normal it was beautifully boring, and Levi wondered if he should tell Mikasa what he planned too or not. How long had it been since she had a routine? How much would this effect her? Would she be angry? Distrustful?

As much as Levi hated to admit it, trust was an important thing to him. There were few people he trusted himself, so he knew it was hard to come by. For the teen's sake, they needed to trust the men. Their recovery could not rely on themselves - it just wouldn't happen.

Levi wasn't sure what would come out of his honesty toward Mikasa, but he knew he couldn't carry the guilt any more. The man wasn't one to speak for everyone, but in his experience he learned to appreciate honesty - even if it took him a while to.

When class was over, Levi approached Mikasa, who was working on a homework assignment with Eren. He hated to interrupt her, but he knew this was important.

"Mikasa, I need to speak with you," Levi said, calmly as he could. Eren's face grew red and he kept his eyes to his paper. "You aren't in trouble," Levi added. Mikasa eyed him suspiciously, but rose from the table and followed the man outside to the deck.

"What is it?"

Levi could tell the girl was impatient. It made him more nervous. Instead of speaking, he reached into his pocket and withdrew the photograph he had found in her diary months before.

She took it carefully and held it with both hands, as if it were a wounded bird. Neither spoke as Mikasa stroked the worn photograph with her thumb.

"You look like your mother."

"I know."

Levi smirked, but only because he knew she wasn't being proud. Levi knew what it was like to look in the mirror and see the mother you lost every day.

"Would you like to sit down?" Levi pointed to the glider that was rarely used. "There's something else I'd like to tell you."

Mikasa sat down next to the man, shifting as much as she could. The glider didn't offer much room, and both were aware it was the closest they had sat together. Levi leaned back and moved his feet, the glider smoothly beginning to rock.

For a moment, Mikasa couldn't believe the normalcy of the scene. To those passing by, they must look like a father and daughter enjoying the summer weather.

For a moment, Mikasa wished it were true.

"Mikasa, I'm very proud of your decisions."

The girl had no idea what he was talking about. Her life in general? Getting a G.E.D? She shook her head and mumbled "Thank you."

Levi remained silent for a few moments, leaning his head back against the seat.

"My mother was a prostitute."

The statement was uttered absentmindedly, Levi still leaned back with his eyes closed. Mikasa could feel heat creeping in her cheeks, wondering if she would have to share something as well.

"I don't look down on her for it," Levi sighed. "She did it to survive. I didn't even know what she was doing; I was little."

"Oh," Mikasa said, because she felt like she had to say something, and "Sorry" wasn't an option. She hated when people apologized for her life.

"It's a dangerous life to live," Levi whispered. "She was killed when I was younger by a customer."

"Oh my God," Mikasa exclaimed, truly surprised. "Did you..."

Mikasa's face flushed. She shouldn't intrude on personal matters, but it wasn't like she asked him to tell her.

"Did I find the guy who did it?" Levi finished for her. "Yes, I did. I killed him."

Mikasa could feel her heart skip. That didn't make sense - not Levi - he was strict, sure, but he was their hero. And why was he telling her this?

"My uncle took me in after my mom died, and he wasn't really suited to raise me," Levi said, opening his eyes and lifting his head. "His idea of a good time was hunting down off duty cops and hurting or killing them. Officially, he was a serial killer."

He glanced at Mikasa, a little unsure if telling her was the right choice. It wasn't like he could stop now.

"I knew, but not really. I didn't know it was wrong. It was the men with money that hurt my mom, so in my mind they were all bad. That's what my uncle told me any way."

"Did you...get caught?"

"Of course I did!" Levi scoffed. "I wouldn't tell you if I didn't. I killed the guy and turned myself in. I was still a kid and had a good lawyer, so I was out when I was 18. It probably helped matters that the guy wasn't an outstanding citizen or anything. He was a registered sex offender and sold meth. They found child porn at his house too." Levi lowered his head. "That still doesn't make what I did right, though."

Mikasa opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out.

"It's okay," Levi said. "I just want you to know everyone has their demons."

Mikasa stayed on the glider, holding the only photograph of her family, long after Levi went inside.

...

Later that night, Mikasa received even more news - this time, from Erwin.

She was writing in her journal, unsure about her and Eren's relationship. Other than the first night together, they had only shared two quick and chaste kisses between them. Was Eren nervous? Feeling pressured? Did he not like her the way he originally thought?

Mikasa shut her notebook and slid it under her pillow when she heard a knock on her bedroom door.

"Yeah?"

The door opened, reveling her blonde foster father.

"You look disappointed to see me," he commented, noting her quick frown.

"No," Mikasa said quickly. She had hoped it was Eren, but she was warming up to Erwin.

The man closed the door quietly, but made no move to sit on her bed. Mikasa wondered if this was a therapy talk, a serious talk, or just a talk. It was confusing with Erwin.

"Mikasa, I was told you and Levi discussed a few things today."

"Yes." Mikasa's heart beat quickly, and she wondered if either men were mad at her. She quickly chided herself; why did she care? Erwin nodded.

"He and I were talking about it today, and I just wanted you to know that it was Levi who first suggested...you're situation," Erwin stated, trying to find the right words. "Levi was very concerned for you, and it was one of the few times are careers had to cross. I promise I did not tell him for any other reason than business terms. I hope you understand, and I hope this doesn't effect our relationship."

Mikasa was surprised. She hadn't expected Erwin to apologize for anything - in her life, it was rare for any adult to admit wrongdoings - but as she thought about it, she realized she wasn't angry at all.

"What relationship?" Mikasa inquired. "Our client/therapist relationship, or foster father/foster daughter?"

It was Erwin's turn to be surprised.

"Both," Erwin replied honestly. Mikasa smiled.

"It's fine," she said. "I understand. I think we can leave that part in the past."

Erwin nodded again, but made no move to leave. His hands were in his pajama pockets and his eyes were locked on the floor.

"Mikasa, there's one more thing Levi did not mention. I asked him not too - I wanted to do it myself."

"Alright," Mikasa whispered, apprehensive.

"When you - " Erwin cleared his throat. "Before you were taken, you were supposed to be placed with Levi and I."

The confession rung in Mikasa's ears.

"What?"

Mikasa was confused, but not angry. A thousand thoughts filled her head, but not the ones Erwin were expecting.

"Mikasa, Levi and I feel terrible. We have since we discovered you were missing." Erwin's eyes met hers, and they were pleading. "It's not that we didn't want you. We were both busy with one child at the time - it was just a bad time. We didn -"

Before Erwin could finish, Mikasa rose off the bed. Her arms were around her foster father, bringing him into an embrace.

"Levi's right about you," Mikasa mumbled. "You worry way too much."

Erwin stiffened. He had been hugged by foster children before, but never one this old. Furthermore, his eyes were watering. Without hesitation, he returned Mikasa's hug, just a bit more gentle.

"If I didn't get taken, you think Eren would still be in there?"

Erwin brought a hand to Mikasa's head.

"I don't know. We'll never know."

"Then let's not worry about it," Mikasa pulled away, hating herself for sniffling. "You can't blame yourself, you know. You told me that."

Erwin chuckled.

"I suppose I don't follow my own advice at times."

"Erwin?"

"Yes?"

"It's okay. I still like you two."

The corners of Erwin's mouth twitched.

"We still like you too. We like all three of you."

With an awkward goodnight, the two parted for the night. There wasn't much more to say. There wasn't much more that needed to be said. They both had things off their chest and relief filled their minds. Mikasa finished her diary passage with,

I don't understand why they care so much. I promise not to take it for granted, though. What ever higher being is out there, I promise to never take them for granted.

Erwin and Levi lay together that night, Erwin staying up longer than his husband. It was true what Mikasa said - he worried too much. He had spent so much time worried about betraying Mikasa's trust, and now he was worried about weather or not he should have told her he loved her.

Deep inside, he knew the choice he made was right.

The right choices always seemed to hurt the most and be the least fair.

...

Eren yawned, laying next to Armin on the blonde's bed. Eren was a little too close to Armin for his liking, but he was trying to stay focused on the task at hand.

"Okay," Armin finally said. "You did pretty good."

"But?"

Eren sat up, glancing at the worksheet Armin had both made and graded. He was not upset or offended by his mistakes. Eren needed to know where he needed his improvement - how else was he supposed to learn?

"Well, you capitalized everything correctly, which is good," Armin started. "But you forgot to put a period at the end of Mr., and you need a comma right here."

Armin showed Eren his mistakes.

"Stupid commas," Eren huffed. "I don't get them."

"They make - "

"The sentence flow better," Eren finished sarcastically, regretting his choice of words.

Eren flopped on the bed with a sigh. Armin had gone over sentence structure over and over to Eren, as well as his tutor and Mikasa. Eren was getting some of it, but most was going over his head. Armin sensed his stress but remained quiet. Was Eren mad at him?

"Maybe I'm just dumb," Eren sighed, defeated.

"What? You aren't dumb. This stuff can be hard - it is to a lot of people."

"Well, yeah, but maybe I'm really dumb. Like, maybe I have something wrong with my brain that the school didn't find out about."

"I suppose that's possible," Armin admitted. "But you're doing very good right now; you have been all along. And just because something's wrong with your brain doesn't mean something's wrong with you."

Armin added the last part slowly, avoiding Eren's eye. He regretted saying it the minute he did.

Eren squinted.

"How? Your brain is where everything works."

Armin could feel himself blushing. He knew Eren wasn't trying to be rude; he honestly was curious.

"Uh - well, not all brains work the same," Armin began, hesitant. He wasn't certain how to word it. "Erwin could probably explain it better."

"But he's in bed."

Armin sighed.

"Um, well, like I said, not all brains work the same. Sometimes, brains work differently because that's just how the person was born, or because something bad happened."

"Like I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because of what happened to me?" Eren said quickly.

"Uh - yes. You didn't have to tell me that, though."

"I know," Eren assured. "But it's okay because it isn't my fault what happened."

Armin chewed his lower lip. Eren had a way of making the most complicated things sound simple, and Armin wished it was that easy.

"That's true," Armin agreed. "But for now, we should go to bed."

Eren - who had been yawning for the past half hour - agreed completely. He took his paper and got into his own bed, pulling his covers around his feet and tucking them in. Eren placed his paper on his night stand, proud despite his mistakes. Armin waited for Eren to turn on his small night light before turning off the main light.

"Good night, Armin," Eren whispered.

"Good night," Armin mumbled, shifting into his own bed.

After a few minutes, the blonde couldn't take the silence. His throat felt closed in and he was certain he was going to suffocate if he did not talk to Eren.

"Still awake?" Armin asked lowly.

"Yeah," Eren replied. Armin could see the boy roll over in the darkness.

"Do you ever feel guilty about the things that happened to you, even though you know they aren't your fault? Like, yeah, some things were out of your power, but if you had done something different, things would have gone better?"

The darkness made Armin feel brave. If Eren couldn't see the tears in his eyes or the fear on his face, then everything would be okay. As long as Eren didn't see these things, then the question was just rhetorical.

But Eren didn't need light to know his foster brother was hurting.

"I do," Eren admitted. "I think about it all the time. Erwin says it's survivors guilt, or something like that. He says it happens a lot in bad situations, especially when someone also has PTSD or Stikholm Syndrome."

"I think you mean Stockholm Syndrome," Armin corrected gently. It was something they had all discussed about Eren, especially the first few weeks in the hospital. If he felt remorse for Luke, how would he handle his death or his freedom?

"Yeah, that sounds better," Eren admitted. "Erwin talked about that with me too. It's embarrassing though, because everyone on T.V acts like I could have just ran away or something. And..." Eren paused. These were things he only told his journal and Erwin. He hadn't even shared this with Mikasa. "I did feel bad for...Him. He talked about how lonely He was, how no one loved Him. And for a long time, He was my only friend."

"That's really hard," Armin whispered. The dark must have made Eren brave as well.

"Yeah, but...I still think if I had been enough, you and Mikasa wouldn't have been taken too. If I had done what he wanted."

"Eren - "

"I know. Erwin and me have been over it and over it."

The two were silent for a moment, letting the confessions settle.

"Eren, you're really brave," Armin whispered. "I...my mom was a little...not well, I guess. For as long as I can remember. And I guess I always felt like it was my fault, that I didn't help enough, you know?"

"I do."

Armin could see Eren's silhouette rise, then step closer to his bed. Armin rolled over and Eren lay next to the blonde.

It was the first time the two shared a bed at night, but it didn't feel awkward. They simply enjoyed one another's presence. Eren's arms wrapped around Armin's frame, and the blonde found it easy to return the hug.

"Eren?"

"Hm?"

"It's okay, about what happened. I don't blame you. Mikasa doesn't either."

After several minutes of silence Eren whispered, "Thank you."

Healing wasn't a simple process. Armin and Eren both knew they wouldn't be who they were before their abduction - Erwin had discussed this with all three of them. But that night, the two boys fell asleep soundly for the first time in years, and they both felt as though things may begin to change for the better.

...

Hands. It was all Mikasa could feel. Hands, and breath, and -

She jerked blindly in the darkness, her legs tangled in her blankets. Mikasa gasped the cool air, but it didn't help the wave of nausea. Luckily, she made it over her bed in time to vomit in the floor.

Once her head finished spinning, she rose slowly from the bed. Mikasa turned on her light and glanced at the mess in the floor. It was relatively small, and she figured she could get it out with seltzer water if it stained. Levi and Erwin didn't come in her room much any way.

Mikasa opened her bedroom door quietly and stepped into the bathroom, grabbing a dirty towel out of the hamper. She got most of her puke out of the carpet, but the stain was off colored. Quietly, she made her way to the kitchen, hoping Erwin - or more likely Levi - kept some type of seltzer water for this purpose.

Mikasa was correct and found the water on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator, next to the baking soda and left overs from God knows when. She carefully closed the fridge and paused to listen.

Mikasa's heart pounded as she heard Levi and Erwin's bed squeak. Did they hear her? What would they say? However, the bed squeaked again, and again, and -

Oh, my God.

Mikasa was not sure what surprised her more - hearing her foster father's make love, or the fact that they still had sex.

It wasn't as though Mikasa stayed awake at night questioning Levi and Erwin's sex life (although that was exactly what she was currently doing, and what she would continue to do for the rest of the night). It was just strange to her; bizarre for reasons she couldn't quite identify.

Mikasa hurried to her room, her face hot. She felt like a pervert. She poured the water on what was left of her stain and quickly scrubbed it away. She put the towel back in the bathroom, but was afraid to return the water.

Hearing anyone have sex was embarrassing enough. It wasn't as though they were being obnoxiously loud or anything. It was just strange to Mikasa.

Is it possible to be with someone so long and still love them? Mikasa wondered. Is it possible to love someone, even after you know all the terrible things they have done?

After a few minutes, Mikasa returned the water. Despite herself, Mikasa listened for a moment after the door was closed. Faintly, she could hear her foster father's voices, but she could not make out what they were saying.

Mikasa lay awake for another hour, questions running through her mind.

Did they hold each other after sex? Did they whisper sweet things to one another? Promise their love and devotion? Did people really do that, or was that just in movies?

As Mikasa's eyes grew heavy, she wondered if something that had given her so much pain could be anything different. How could she make love to someone with passion when the only thing she knew from sex was payment and force? Was it possible, or was she just damaged?

Mikasa dreamed something similar to her nightmare, but instead of harsh hands there were gentle touches, and instead of breath there were kisses. She may not have been ready for the real thing, but at least she was safe in her dreams.

Chapter 20

Chapter Text

Life showed to only get better for the teens, beginning with Armin.

Other than his schoolwork, the blonde worried about his car, which still remained on campus over an hour away. His car keys had been in his pocket the day he was taken and it was hard to say where they were now. Armin had a spare key in a magnetized lock under his car, but the key was the least of his worries.

Despite Armin's desire for education and need for his car, the thought of returning to his college - and abduction site - made him sick.

"I'm sure something can be worked out," Erwin commented in a therapy session. "I'm sure it can be towed."

"Yeah," Armin agreed slowly. "But..."

Erwin waited patiently for the boy to collect his thoughts.

"It's like...I don't know how I'll respond to seeing my car. It was my favorite thing in the world, but now it's the only old thing I still have."

"The only item before the abduction?" Erwin clarified.

"Yeah. I don't even have any of my old clothes now."

"Are you worried this will bring up negative feelings?"

"Yeah."

Erwin leaned back, stretching his legs a bit. He was tired, but not of Armin or the teens. It was hard trying to balance his work work with his work at home, but he tried to not let it show. He and Levi always wanted children, but three teens with emotional and sexual trauma wasn't something they had planned on.

But they never regretted it.

"How about we find a way to get it towed here," Erwin said simply. "Warm up to it, if you can. If not, sell it and buy another car."

"Just...like that?"

"Pretty much," Erwin shrugged. "There can be a waiting period for someone to but it, which can seem like forever. But we won't know until we try, right?"

Armin agreed, but the apprehension stayed.

...

Eren's nose was in one of his mother's poetry books.

Again.

Mikasa didn't think it was a big deal; she found it rather cute. It was nighttime - after ten, for sure, based off Eren's yawning - yet Eren was cuddled to Mikasa, the book open enough for her to read some too. She had one arm wrapped around him, absentmindedly twirling his hair. The other was on his chest, rising and falling with his breath.

"There's another one," Eren whispered quickly, flipping the pages to and fro.

Eren had returned to his mothers house to pick up some more of her books. In them, Eren had found passages that were high lighted and underlined, and some of the pages were just worn out. Although Eren couldn't read well, he was determined to know what his mother found so special.

"Here!" Eren exclaimed, finding the passage. The entire passage was high lighted, which was strange. Mikasa and Eren had both noted that Carla usually only high lighted a line or two. "Can you read it all?"

Mikasa cleared her throat.

" Love is more thicker than forget
more thinner than recall
more seldom than a wave is wet
more frequent than to fail
it is most mad and moonly
and less it shall unbe
than all the sea which only
is deeper than the sea
love is less always than to win
less never than alive
less bigger than the least begin
less littler than forgive
it is most sane and sunly
and more it cannot die
than all the sky which only
is higher than the sky. "

Eren remained silent, as he always did when he finished reading a poem that had been special to his mother. His eyes scanned the high lighted page and he tried not to wonder how many times his mother had read it.

"This part," he pointed. " "And more it cannot die"? Do you think she thought about me or my dad when she read that?"

"I don't know," Mikasa answered. "I don't think she thought you were dead though - she left you that note."

"Oh," Eren whispered.

He still had not read it.

"Do you - " Eren stopped. "Never mind."

"What?" Mikasa whispered, shifting closer to him. Their noses were almost touching. Mikasa could see the specks of gold in Eren's eyes and Eren could see the little part in her lips.

"Do you think my mom wanted me to see this poem? To see all of them? That's why she high lighted them, or something?"

"Maybe," Mikasa said, bringing her hand to cup Eren's cheek. "She knew you were alive."

"I didn't know she was dead."

Mikasa kissed the tear that fell, and the next.

"It's true, you know," Mikasa whispered, her lips brushing the softness of Eren's cheek. "Love doesn't die. I still love my parents, and in a weird way I still know they love me too."

The book was closed on Eren's abdomen. His hands were around Mikasa's waist and in her hair.

"That's why I thought they were alive," Eren whispered back. "I could still feel them."

They kissed, and a softness settled over them. Eren shifted and Mikasa rolled on top of him, the book falling to the floor. Mikasa pulled away to retrieve the book, but Eren stopped her. His thumb and first finger were on her chin, more gentle than Mikasa could imagine possible.

"Honey?"

"Yes?" Mikasa would never admit how his nick names made her heart flutter.

"Can we not talk about my dead parents any more?"

"Tonight, or ever?"

"Just for tonight."

They kissed again, and Eren's hand settled on her lower back, lifting her night shirt as his hand rose. She lifted, and the cool air kissed her back and bare chest.

They still weren't ready for sex; they had talked about it. Eren was uncomfortable at first about doing more than kissing - not because of his abuse, but because he didn't want Mikasa to think he was using her.

She promised him it wasn't like that - most kids their age "fooled around", or experimented. It was normal. Nevertheless, they had promised to let the other know if they ever got uncomfortable. They had started slow, and it seemed each time they were alone their passion grew.

Eren kissed her deeply, one hand tangled in her black hair and the other sweeping her naked back. The smoothness intoxicated him, and he gently ran his fingers along her ribs and to her breasts. Mikasa was more than happy to shift to let his fingers roam to their liking.

Eren had seen Mikasa topless before. In fact, they had seen each other nude or in sexual acts with Luke countless times. Perhaps this was why it wasn't as awkward to experiment as they had thought, or why they didn't have the normal teenage jitters when it came to sex. However, they never brought up the sexual acts with Luke, or Mikasa's past, which she had shared in as little detail as she could with out lying.

Despite their pasts, every time Mikasa and Eren were intimate, it was like it was the first time.

Eren rose, keeping Mikasa to him. Her legs wrapped around his waist and she thrust against him, feeling his arousal. He lightly pinched her nipple, loving how she squirmed. Eren pulled away and began kissing her neck, gripping her breast tightly.

Mikasa pulled Eren's shirt off, running her hands dangerously low to his waist. He tipped her, and in a moment he was on top of her, his hands on the waistband of her pajamas.

It was a line they hadn't crossed yet, and Eren's eyes were asking permission. She lifted, and Eren gently pulled downward. He stopped at her knees, and she kicked them off from there. Eren ran his hand up her bare leg, soaking up her softness. He had not taken her panties off; the thought of her being completely naked in front of him gave him the jitters. Mikasa's legs parted on their own, her fingers around his waistband as well. Just because she was ready didn't mean he was.

After permission was given, it was Eren's turn to shift his pajama bottoms off. His boxers remained, and he quickly became aware how loose they were.

Mikasa eyed his member, her cheeks growing redder. Eren wasn't sure what to do, so he stood beside the bed.

"Stage fright?" Mikasa whispered. There wasn't a hint of humor in her voice. Eren's shoulders shrugged. "I'm not ready to have sex."

"Me either."

"Is it okay if I take off my panties? I want to show you something."

Eren shook his head, not trusting his voice. Mikasa shimmied her panties off and rolled on her stomach. Eren, his face feeling as though it were on fire, looked away.

"You can look, silly," Mikasa chided. "I wanted to show you my stretch marks."

The last time they had taken off their shirts, Eren was embarrassed. Not only was he covered in scars, he had received stretch marks on his stomach, hips, and legs from gaining weight so quickly in the hospital. No one had really explained what they were, other than for him not to worry about them.

Eren glanced at Mikasa's bottom. It was small but full, like her breasts. Upon closer inspection, he saw light lines around her hips, which stretched down her bottom.

"Are these the only ones you have?" Eren asked, touching them with his fingers. He loved how goosebumps rose on her skin.

"You didn't see my other ones?" Mikasa asked, disbelief in her voice. "What a gentleman."

In a moment she rolled on her back and shifted her body, so that her legs hung off the edge of the bed - dangerously close to Eren's almost naked form. Her legs spread, revealing more than the stretch marks along her inner thighs.

Mikasa couldn't believe herself. For a split second, she was sure she had ruined everything.

Eren stepped in between her and lowered himself, kissing her hotly. Her legs shook, and Eren urged her to wrap them around her thighs. She complied, and Eren pulled away from her kiss.

"Mikasa, I want to make love to you one day," Eren started, his face red but voice confident.

"Me too," Mikasa whispered, unsure what else to say.

"I...can you tell me what to do?"

"What?"

Of all the things going through her mind, that wasn't one of them.

"How can I please you? I want to know, Mikasa. I want to make the night we make love - and every time after that - really special and, and great because you deserve it, and I love you."

Another line they hadn't crossed.

"I love you, too."

Eren leaned over her and they kissed, and soon his boxers were on the floor. Mikasa guided his hand downward, and he gently explored the new area, taking note of her whimpers and moans. They shifted onto the bed, so they could explore each other more freely.

"Mikasa? Tell me," Eren said against her neck, rubbing a spot above her opening that made her whole body shudder. Her hand was around him, pulling softly.

"Eren," she whispered. "I have - have to tell you. When we finish making love, I'm probably going to cry."

Eren sighed, kissing her shoulder.

"Me too."

...

The next morning, Eren and Mikasa did not make eye contact. Everyone felt the tension, and everyone knew it was one of two things.

A fight.

Or sex.

Levi and Erwin weren't sure which they preferred, but the two seemed alright, and that was enough for the men for now.

Mikasa and Eren did not have sex, but they had came close. They had finished from one another's hand and had laid on one another, breathless and hot and still wanting more.

"Eren, we don't have condoms and I'm not on birth control," Mikasa had whispered. "We have to stop."

Eren only asked for one more kiss, but it was difficult for them both. Things were moving fast, and they had to slow down.

"You know, Levi and I were talking about something last night," Erwin commented as he poured another cup of coffee. "It seems a few birthdays passed while you guys were in the hospital."

Mikasa's heart froze. Eren smiled.

"One was mine, right?" He asked. " I know it's at the end of March, but I always forgot what day."

"The thirtieth," Erwin responded kindly. "And Mikasa's was in February."

"February the tenth," Mikasa said slowly. "What was going on?"

"The trail," Levi said, not meeting her eye. "It's normal for you to not think about your birthday around that time."

It all came like a slap to her.

She was in her pajamas, eating breakfast with two foster fathers and two foster brothers, one of which was her lover. Her hand touched her hair; it was to her collarbone now. Sunlight poured through the kitchen window, and it was in the seventies although it wasn't ten in the morning yet.

"It's May," Mikasa said dumbly.

"June," Armin corrected. "The first."

Mikasa could only stare at her hands. She had been writing the day on her homework assignments, but she had not grasped the concept behind the numbers.

3-22
3-29
4-4
4-15

The days went by without her. It had been almost a year since her abduction.

"Are you alright?" Erwin asked. "I didn't mean to bring up any hard feelings."

"No, it's - " Mikasa stood quickly and swayed. It took her a moment to even register she was standing. "I have to go."

Mikasa hurried to her room, slamming her door harder than she meant too. She leaned her back against it and slid down, trying her hardest to just think.

I'm sixteen, she thought. I was sixteen when before I started this homeschooling shit. My teacher must think I'm an idiot.

Anger suddenly filled her chest.

Why didn't Erwin or Levi tell her she could drop out now? How long were they going to wait? Until she found out for herself she missed her own birthday like a moron?

Mikasa growled, slamming her head against her door. It had been a long time since she was this frustrated.

A gentle knock interrupted her thoughts, but she didn't answer.

"Mikasa?"

It was Erwin. Still, she didn't answer.

"I'm really sorry for bringing it up like that. I should have done it privately. I'm really sorry. Maybe we can talk about it later."

The shake in his voice made Mikasa feel guilty. It wasn't his fault, not really. Even if she couldn't explain her feelings, he deserved to know she wasn't mad at him. She stood and opened her door, her head starting to pound. Slamming it probably wasn't the best idea.

"Are you feeling okay?"

Mikasa shook her head, but didn't respond. Not only did she feel like an idiot, she also felt like a child.

"It's okay to be mad, you know," Erwin said softly, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Levi and I don't mind. We still like you."

"I still like you too."

Mikasa sniffled, and Erwin let her return to her room to work things out on her own.

"Is she okay?" Eren whispered, still at the kitchen table.

"She's alright," Erwin promised. "But before I forget, I have some news for Armin."

Armin glanced at the two men, curiosity in his eyes.

"Your car will be here around three this after noon," Erwin smiled.

"Really?" the teen asked, excitement in his voice. "Will I be able to drive it?"

"You better," Levi mumbled, before having his toes stomped under the table by his husband. Armin either didn't hear or care about his remark.

Finding Armin's vehicle was no problem - it was right where he had left it. The problem was that it had sat without being started or moved in months. A mechanic was hired by Levi and Erwin to check it out, and it was discovered the transmission needed flushed. If that wasn't bad enough, the brakes were stiff and a tail light had been cracked - more than likely from being backed into.

Including the amount it would take to be towed, Levi and Erwin spent over $400 to get Armin his car back.

Surprisingly, they didn't mind.

Armin was beside himself the rest of the morning. He couldn't seem to sit still, and he and Eren helped Levi clean. As Armin mopped the kitchen floor and Eren emptied the dishwasher, Eren's thoughts drifted to Mikasa.

She hadn't left her room all day, even though he heard the bed move occasionally. He wanted to check on her, but wanted to give her space, too. He wondered how he could do both the right way. Furthermore, what had even upset her? Were birthday's bad things as you got older?

Five minutes after three o'clock, Armin's car arrived on a tow truck.

Fifteen after three, Armin was in his front seat, starting the ignition.

"Where are you going to go?" Erwin asked, worry deep in his voice.

"I think I might take Eren and Mikasa to Wal-Mart."

Eren - who had been eyeing Armin's car in the drive way - lit up when his name was mentioned.

"Really? Like, right now?"

"I guess," Armin shrugged, realizing he probably should have asked first. Levi and Erwin didn't seem to mind, and in a moment Eren was running inside to get Mikasa.

"Here," Erwin said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his wallet. "Get you all something nice, alright?"

Armin accepted the forty dollars that was handed to him, blush creeping into his cheeks. He couldn't really be this happy, could he?

"And be home by five thirty," Levi added.

Armin smiled. He had never had a curfew before.

Inside, Eren pounded on Mikasa's bedroom door. It took her a moment to answer, and she looked tired when she did.

"Armin has his car here and he wants to take us to Wal-Mart!"

Eren was so excited it took the girl a moment to process what he even said.

"Oh - that's cool," she mumbled. "But I'm really not feeling well. Go without me, okay?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Have fun, okay?" Mikasa gave him a smile, and he gave her a kiss. It was their first kiss that wasn't behind a closed door, and Mikasa's fingers stayed on her lips long after he left.

...

Eren had never been in the front seat of a car before.

His parents always made him ride in the back of their cars, and his mother insisted on making him ride in a booster seat until he was eight.

Riding in a car was awesome.

He had been several places with Levi and Erwin over the past few months - mainly to his parents house, which was now his house - but he always rode in the backseat. Today, he was front and center with Armin, who drove with only one hand on the wheel. Rock music played - Foo Fighters, Armin had said - and it was Eren's first taste of real freedom.

Despite Armin's demeanor, he drove carefully and made sure Eren was buckled in properly. Eren couldn't take his eyes off his foster brother. He had freedom in arms length!

"Um, can I ask you something?" Eren said, talking over the music.

"What's up?" Armin asked, turning down the radio.

"It's kind of personal, I guess."

"Alright."

"What was your first time having sex like?"

Armin felt as though he had been punched in the stomach. His mouth went dry and his vision seemed to cloud.

"It was with Luke."

"I - I - Oh, I'm sorry!" Eren stuttered. "I thought - I - I don't know I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Armin mumbled, pulling into the super center parking lot. Neither spoke again until they were parked.

"I thought...you know...you're just really cool," Eren said lowly, feeling stupid.

"I'm what?" Armin asked.

"Cool," Eren said, avoiding his eye. "You're really smart, and nice. And you can drive."

"Eren, that's hardly the definition of cool. But come on - let's look around."

Inside the store, Eren seemed to lighten up. Eren wanted to explore every area of the store - including the food and women's clothes.

"See anything you like?" Armin asked a few times, but it was evident Eren was just exploring.

The taste of freedom was intoxicating to the teen. There was so much to look at, so much to do - and this was one store in one town!

Too soon, it was time to go. The two bought a few snacks and were on their way before they missed their curfew.

"Probably shouldn't have got these," Armin mumbled, his mouth full of a cupcake. "I think they wanted us home this early because of dinner."

Eren - who was on his third cupcake - shrugged.

After a few moments, Armin spoke again.

"Eren?"

"Yeah?"

"It sucks not having parents to ask questions to, huh?"

"Yeah."

"I mean - if you need anything, I'm here, okay?"

"You too."

The ride home was a comfortable silence.

...

Mikasa exited her room a few minutes after Eren and Armin had left. Erwin was in the kitchen, playing a game on his tablet.

"Mikasa," he said kindly. "Got an eight letter word for morning?"

"Crossword?"

"Yes, and it's biting my butt."

Mikasa chuckled, walking to the refrigerator and getting a bottle of water.

How long had she been doing this - getting things without asking permission? Why did it feel so normal?

"Mikasa?"

"Yeah?"

"Sit down for a minute? Please?"

"I'm terrible at those things," Mikasa warned, pointing at the tablet.

She sat next to the man, not across from him. Erwin pondered this, but not for long.

"Time hits us all," he said softly, unsure how to explain himself. After a moment, he continued. "I'm sure it's different for you. When...people go through shock, or even as foster children, you really take things one day at a time. And those days add up."

"Tell me about it."

Mikasa shifted, unease in her chest lifting.

"I felt so dumb, missing my own birthday. It's been months and I didn't even register."

Erwin sighed.

"Want to know something dumber?"

Pink touched his ears, and Mikasa was intrigued.

"It only occurred to us last night to check your birthdays. We...well, we've never kept kids long enough to care - as cruel as that sounds - about their birthdays. When we saw we missed not only yours but Eren's as well, we...well - "

"We felt like shit," Levi finished, coming out of their bedroom and into the kitchen. He had his phone in one hand but wasn't looking at it. "Also like dumb fucks. I'm not sure how we're going to explain this to your tutor."

"How all three of us missed I'm old enough to drop out now?"'

Levi chuckled and poured himself some juice.

"If that's what you want. But you can still think about it if you want."

Mikasa chewed her lip and pondered Levi's statement. Her and Eren's tutor took a two week vacation - probably because it's fucking summer, Mikasa scalded herself - but the two would return normal class times when she returned.

Eren was doing well, and seemed to be learning fast. Mikasa was confident, but what difference would it make?

"If I keep up with these classes, I can get a high school diploma without going to high school, right?"

"That's right," Levi said, leaning against the counter. "That's the plan with Eren, unless he takes longer to get his education. If he doesn't pass proper exams after he's twenty-one, he can get his G.E.D. Either way, it can all be done at home."

"You think it'll take him that long?" Mikasa asked.

Levi shrugged.

"Who knows? Kid apparently went up a grade level in a month. That's great, and you and Armin helped a lot, too."

Mikasa couldn't help but smile with pride.

"You two seem to care about each other," Erwin commented gently.

Mikasas smile faltered, but only just so.

"We do."

The two men let that be enough for the time being.

...

Levi's stomach was in knots.

His husband slept soundly next to him, and Levi was envious of the slumber.

All day long, Levi had read and re read the email, emotions whirring around in his mind. He knew he had to tell them eventually, but it had been a good day and he didn't want to be the one to ruin it.

The bodies in Luke Matthews back yard had been identified, using dental records and facial reconstruction graphics.

The boys were identified as James and Jackson Freemon.

Based off James dental and skeletal structure, it was safe to say he died of malnutrition. Jackson had multiple skull and jaw fractures, as well as split joints and broken bones, and it was assumed he had been beaten to death.

Levi had returned Diane's letters himself, and his heart broke when he told her the boys did not write the letters, or were forced too. Levi wasn't sure how she would take this news, but he knew he had to be the one to tell her, and his husband and foster children.

More than anything, Levi felt a small flicker of hope.

After all this time, the case may be over.

But there was one last thing clouding Levi's mind.

Chapter 21

Chapter Text

It was awkward for them both, to say the least.

Eren had been shirtless in front of countless doctors and nurses the past year, and now even Mikasa. But letting Levi see his back felt different somehow. He wondered how Levi felt, and Eren was unsure what to say.

The scars weren't terrible. As Eren had grown and his skin darkened, the scars had grown smaller. And in honesty, these weren't the only scars on the teenagers body. More littered his arms, chest, legs - and his mind.

But Levi felt responsible for these scars.

"I'm sorry."

Eren stared at his feet, his back growing cold. He wiggled his shirt back on over his shoulders. I shouldn't have said anything, Eren thought.

"It isn't your fault."

"I could have done more," Levi whispered, feeling bile rise in his throat.

It had been years since that night in Luke's house, when Levi tried the wrong door and heard something he shouldn't have.

And Eren was the one punished.

Levi didn't notice he was crying until Eren's arms wrapped around his shoulders, bringing the man to his chest. Levi froze, feeling the wetness of his cheeks and smelling laundry detergent from Eren's shirt. If it had been any other foster kid, Levi would have gently pushed them away. He would be embarrassed that a fifteen year old was a whole head taller than him.

If it had been any other foster kid, Levi wouldn't have cried to begin with.

Levi's arms were around Eren's back, but only for a moment. Despite the sentimental scene, Levi was not the huggy type.

"Sorry," Levi sniffed. "Save it for Erwin."

Eren smiled.

"That was all for you."

Levi's eyes still teared and his throat still burned. How could Eren look at him like a hero? How could Mikasa and Armin? If Levi would have acted in the very beginning, neither of them would have been kidnapped and Eren would have returned home.

Eren sat on his bed and stretched. Armin was in the kitchen with Mikasa and Erwin, having a funny conversation based on all the laughter that could be heard. Levi felt guilty for keeping Eren away from it all.

"I used to think about it all the time," Eren admitted. "Being rescued, going home. I thought about it less when Mikasa...arrived, and then Armin. When you did come get us, I was scared."

"I remember," Levi whispered, sitting next to him on the bed. "You looked so skinny and scared. I wasn't even sure how old you were. And Armin looked awful, I just..."

The silence between them was punctuated by laughter in the kitchen.

"If I had been rescued earlier, my parents still would have died."

Eren's statement hit Levi like a slap. Of course he and Erwin had discussed that, but not to Eren. How could you tell someone that?

"I've thought about it a lot,'' Eren continued. "But if I had been found earlier, I'd be in foster care right now. I probably wouldn't know you guys or Mikasa, or if I did it would be in passing. I'd probably never know Armin."

"Do they mean that much to you?"

Do I mean that much to you?

"Yeah," Eren responded without hesitation. "And even if we didn't get along like we do, it still wouldn't change anything. You know?"

Oh, yes, Levi knew.

...

Armin pulled into Eren's driveway, yawning after putting the car in park. Mikasa lay in the backseat, reading poems.

"Take your time," the blonde told Eren. "We're fine out here."

"You sure?" Eren asked, one hand on the door handle. "You guys can come in and...stuff."

Armin and Mikasa waved him on. Eren had come to his home many times now, and although he was getting comfortable, it was hard on everyone else. It felt strange. Mikasa described it as trespassing - not on the home, but on Eren's life.

They had discussed it in a group session, if you could call it that since Levi was present as well. When the teens wanted Levi to sit and talk with them, he didn't usually have much to say. It was awkward; it wasn't his domain. But it was nice to be included.

They felt like a family, although no one said it.

"What do you mean?" Eren had asked, wondering if he had done something wrong. "You guys are always welcome in my home."

You guys are my family.

"It isn't that," Mikasa clarified, pausing to gather her thoughts. "It's just...well, I'm not sure how Armin feels, but he and I didn't have a place to go after we were rescued. It's kinda like, now that the whole thing's over, we can move on. But for you, it's like you have to go back." Mikasa shrugged. "I just don't know what it's like, and I don't want to intrude or make you feel weird."

"I feel the same," Armin agreed. "I actually think it's harder on you, considering you can't just let your past go. You're still having to figure things out."

Still figuring things out, Eren thought as he made his way up to the second floor. He hadn't realized it was stressful, but the more he thought on it the less he knew.

What would become of this house? Eren couldn't live here. It was full of ghosts from his former life.

Eren opened his parents bedroom door.

This room, as well as his bedroom, were off limits to everyone - including himself.

He had not been in his parents room in years. The smell hit him hard; his mothers perfume still clung in the air as if she were still there.

Another ghost.

Eren's feet seemed to move without him. He was at his mother's bedside, holding a picture of him as a child. Big smile, red shirt, messy hair. He took the picture to adjoining bathroom and stared at himself in the mirror.

Eren did not care much for his own appearance. He did not look at himself in the mirror when he took showers at Luke's, nor did he now. Eren caught glimpses of himself in passing, but never enough to focus on or care about.

Now, he focused.

Eren was not smiling. His hair did not seem as thick. His cheeks weren't as fat, his eyes had lost something they once held. Even with the therapy, even with the food, even with the money, even with the love, Eren had become a ghost himself.

Eren smashed the photograph against the mirror.

It wasn't as loud as Eren imagined. The glass on glass caused a screech, but the glass merely busted. A few small pieces of the frame fell across the counter and into the sink.

It wasn't enough.

Eren threw the picture against the wall, shattering the glass this time. He grabbed the shower curtain and ripped it from the hangers, tearing it in the process. The medicine cabinet was flung open. Eren grabbed pill bottles and threw them onto the floor, not bothering to read what they were for. Tweezers, fingernail clippers, a nail file - it wasn't like his mother was going to use them. She was long gone.

It was only when he felt Armin's arms wrap under his did he realize he had been screaming.

Armin slammed him face first into the wall, his arms under Eren's, raising them above his head.

"Calm down!" Armin screamed. "Just calm down!"

Mikasa was on her hands and knees amidst the glass and pills, scooping up bottles.

"Did you take any of these?" Mikasa asked, her insides shaking. "Eren, talk to me!"

"N-no," Eren stuttered, his knees getting weak. "I - no. No. Please let me go."

"You good?" Armin asked, gently releasing Eren. He didn't respond.

Eren had never acted like that before. For a moment, Eren couldn't believe it was him who caused this mess. His throat hurt and his pinky was bleeding.

Eren sat on the edge of the tub, his head between his knees. Among the mess Armin found alcohol and a band aid and patched up Eren's finger.

"There's no glass in it," Armin said, trying to sound cheerful.

Eren shook his head. The blond and Mikasa traded places. She kissed Eren's cheek, bringing him to her in a hug. They did not show affection in front of others, so Armin looked away.

"Sorry," Eren whispered. He really did not know what came over him.

"It's fine," Mikasa assured. "We can go home and - "

"No," Eren said. "I want to see my room."

Mikasa and Armin made their way downstairs, but decided to stay indoors. They, too, were shocked by Eren's behavior and were worried. Should they tell Erwin? They whispered to each other, both unsure.

Eren's hand was on his doorknob. His hand was cold, and his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. Slowly he turned the knob, and he stepped into his childhood bedroom.

Toys littered the floor. Shoes and t-shirts were strung about in a frenzy. Had his mother done this, trying to figure out what outfit her son had gone missing in, or was Eren just a messy child?

Crayons were scattered as well; Lego's and toy cars too. Slowly, Eren made his way to his bed. With a shaking hand, he reached between his head board and wall. His hands were not as little as they once were, but he managed to wiggle the book out.

Dust littered the top, and the pages felt as though they were about to crack from stiffness. Eren blew on the cover. Only some of the dust came off. Using his hand, he wiped the remaining dust off the cover and pages, turning the book over in his hands.

The Giving Tree.

His mother knew where he kept it, because they read it almost every night. Why was it so dusted? Could she not read it without Eren, or did she just not want to?

Eren couldn't dwell on it long. He made his way downstairs and announced he was ready to go home.

...

Erwin and Levi were not mad at Eren. They weren't surprised either. Neither of them were sure what would cause an emotional outburst from Eren, but they figured one would come.

"He'll talk about it when he's ready," Erwin told his husband. "There's no sense in forcing him to."

"You don't think he's taking a few steps back?"

Levi was wiping off the table, talking loud enough for only Erwin to hear. It was after dinner and instead of laying on the couch reading, Eren was locked away in his room. Levi was glad he wasn't alone, but it was odd to see him sad. The man also wondered if the talk he and the teen had that day had anything to do with the out burst.

Erwin sighed.

"I don't think so," Erwin muttered. "But even if he does, he can always come back to where he was."

"Yeah?"

"I know. And we'll be here for him through all of it."

Levi did not doubt his husband.

They were family, after all.

...

There once was a tree...

Armin laid stiffly on his bed.

He had offered to go to the living room or shower, but Eren said no. Eren said he may need help reading, but so far he was doing well. Eren chose not to read out loud, causing Armin to lay in awkward silence. Armin wasn't sure how long it would take, but he was determined not to move until Eren was finished.

And the boy loved the tree very much.

It wasn't the same, Eren knew. No matter how hard he tried, he could not imagine his mother's voice. He could not feel her warmth. His eyes watered, but still he read on.

...And the tree was often alone...

A tear broke free.

...And the tree was happy...

Eren was confused. Why did the boy sound mean to the tree? Why was the tree happy the boy took her apples?

...But you may cut off my branches and build a house...

...And the tree was happy...but not really...

Eren's hands shook. His heart thundered in his ears.

...And the tree was happy.

Eren was finished. He felt as though a hole in his chest had been rubbed raw. He did not understand this feeling.

"Are you okay?" Armin asked. He rose from the bed, but did not get off.

"I don't understand," Eren whispered. "All this time. I don't understand."

"What about it?"

Armin walked over and sat next to his friend.

"I always thought the tree was like a momma, and the boy was a son. But the boy is so mean to the tree, and the tree is so nice. I...I just don't understand it."

Eren looked at his friend, his eyes red and nose running. Armin sighed.

"It's a book," Armin said, sounding pathetic. "It has a lot of meanings. It means what ever you feel."

Eren understood. Perhaps that's why his mother loved to read, especially poetry - there were so many meanings and none at all.

Eren closed his eyes and accepted it.

"Armin?"

"Yeah?"

"Can...I have a minute? Or two? I think I want to read momma's letter now."

Armin got some night clothes and went to take a shower.

...

Twenty minutes later, Armin stepped out of the bathroom to find Eren sitting with Erwin and Levi.

It looked important, so Armin hurried to his room.

"Eren, this is a very big idea," Erwin said calmly. "I'm not saying it can't be done. But it's going to take time."

"I know," Eren said calmly. His tears had dried and his chest had eased.

"We still need you to think on it though, alright?"

Eren smiled at Levi. Of course he wanted the teen to make sure he was doing what he wanted. Of course Levi cared enough about Eren to want him to think about such a big decision.

But there was no thinking needed.

In two pages, Eren knew exactly what he wanted - no, what he needed to do.

He felt as though he were at peace. Maybe not with everything, but for the time being all was alright.

As the men retired to bed, Eren knocked on Mikasa's door. Eren kissed her as she opened it, surprising them both.

"You're feeling better," Mikasa laughed, bringing her boyfriend into a hug.

"Yeah," Eren said into her hair, kissing her scalp and down to her ear.

The door was shut quickly.

Forty five minutes later, Eren retired to bed himself.

"You okay?" Armin whispered into the dark. He did not know what had been discussed between their foster fathers or with Mikasa, and in that moment, Armin realized he didn't care. He just wanted to know Eren was alright.

"Yeah," Eren said. "I'm okay."

And he was.